Dear Mercury:

(I am adding the boldface feature to the quotes): “He is the most loving person I’ve ever met. He loves me so much and I know that for a fact so when I finally met with him after 12 days of asking for a break and telling him I need more time… he started telling me how much he loves, how I was his only source of hope, and why he was looking forward for the future, how he wanted to marry me, how we could never love anyone else, how he’d imagined we’d last forever, how all he’s been doing was to have a good life with me, and when he said all this over and over fighting off tears…. I felt wretched! I felt so dirty and so cruel and heartless….I wanted to die“-

-Love doesn’t cause the supposed loved-one (you) to feel wretched, dirty, cruel, heartless and wanting to die. Guilt-tripping does that, not love.

Here is how a loving reaction would have sounded like, coming from him, 12 days after you asked for a break and telling him that you need more time (him saying something like this): I understand that you’ve been unhappy with me for a long time, and that it took courage on your part to ask for a break. Thank you for doing the right thing for yourself, asking for this break and for more time. I am sad to be away from you, but I will be okay. It is my job to be okay, and it is your job is to make yourself okay. If a longer break or even a breakup is what it takes for you to be okay, then that’s what it takes.

“I told my father today about it after my mom insisted about asking my father’s advice and he immediately told me to pray and repent for ruining this man’s life for dragging him into this and not seeing this to the end… He asked how I’m any different from any heathen girl. What are my reasons for wanting to leave him?”-

– this is guilt tripping coming from your father. What a shame! As far as your reasons for wanting to leave the guy: you have the right, legal and otherwise, to leave a boyfriend (with whom you have no children and no marriage) for whatever reason.

“I fear God will punish me for breaking his heart”- no wonder you fear God will punish you after your (ex?) boyfriend and your father inflicted the Guilt Tripping Punishment (GTP) on you.

“and I’m entertaining the idea of staying in the relationship anyway… I don’t know what to do“- don’t give in and volunteer to suffer further from the GTP that was unfairly and unkindly inflicted on you. It is not a sin to end a relationship with a man you are NOT married with: nowhere in the bible does it state that it’s a sin.. does it?

anita