Dear Tim:

You are very welcome.

“how does one go about guarding your heart in such a situation? I have this guarded optimism that I’m trying to hold in check… I vacillate between the two and it’s hard to get to that middle ground”-

– the answer is in the poem I quoted above: “in our heart lies power so bold… We must stand tall and face the fear, with a courage… We must break free from fear’s grip, and not let it hold us down with its whip… So let us all rise above the fear and show the world what we hold dear… So let us all stand tall“-

– back to your question: “how does one go about guarding your heart in such a situation?”- by adopting a new attitude: not that of guarding your heart, but the opposite. The guarding of the heart in itself is keeping the fear in it. Do this exercise, if you will: stand up hunched over, with the shoulders turned inward as in guarding your heart. This is the position that maintains fear, keeping the fear in the heart. Next, stand tall with your shoulders straight (not at all rounded), your head held high, this is the position of power, of allowing the fear to exit your heart.

It is the sense of power, of standing up to fear, that defeats fear.

Youn can do one or more of the chest opener exercises. A simple one is standing straight with both your arms stretched to the sides, parallel to the ground, in a way that opens your chest/ heart, pushing your chest forward. Hold this position for a moment or two, feeling it, feeling the power in exposing your heart (vs hiding/ guarding it).

Back to part of your question: “I have this guarded optimism that I’m trying to hold in check… I vacillate between the two and it’s hard to get to that middle ground“- don’t guard your optimism, don’t hold it in check, don’t vacillate, don’t seek the middle ground. Instead: commit to the physical and mental position of power. But there is a catch: your power is NOT about what your wife will do, what she will choose to do. Your power is about you standing tall no matter what she chooses.

Your power needs to not depend on her.

anita