“Once on vacation, my little sister was hungry, so I texted the family group chat if we could make a reservation, my dad said ok and we all met up. Once we made it there, my little sister decided she only wanted ice cream…haha but me and my other sister ordered a meal… my dad accused me, in front of everyone ‘wow you are so selfish you just organized this whole reservation and all of us meeting so you could eat dinner?‘… Later I said that I did not like how he accused me of something I did not do, and was not, and his response ‘I didn’t make you feel anything other peoples words don’t make you do anything, your interpretation is why you feel.‘ My sister and I looked at each other like what did he just say?? reminds me of N’s exact words“- a moment before in read that it reminds you of N’s words, I thought to myself: sounds just like what N said.

As far as the what-did-he-just-say, I figure he said to himself (in a condensed way, not actually articulating all these words in his mind): she (Seaturtle) accused me of something I did (of accusing her of something she didn’t do), and so to Win this particular argument (and I am good at winning arguments!), let me look at my Strategies to Win Arguments when Winning is ALL that Matters (SWAWAM) document.. hmmm.. can’t use #1 in this case… #2.. no, doesn’t fit.. #3 seems fitting: tell her that how she feels about what I said has nothing to do with what I said, but with her WRONG interpretation of what I said.

“Exactly, yes literally his ‘PR agent,’ that is funny! What I find interesting is that I am getting more skilled at spotting his PR self, versus his authentic self, and when I confront him he sort of glitches… looks up with their eyes…calculating“- looking at his SWAWAM doc. His authentic self (at this point, he wasn’t born this way) is one who cares about Winning at all costs (to the Loser), one who cares about Power at the expense of Justice.

“I mean like I would do or say something to flatter him, I had to do this in order to get him to send me my tuition money for college.. I had to show appreciation how he wanted it… he wouldn’t respond love bomby then, he responded much more mild with a simple I love you or thank you/ you’re welcome. Now that I don’t rely on him financially it is like he is more exaggerating his appreciation of my flattery“- when you lived with him, and needed his money, he didn’t want to encourage you to ask for more money by being love-bomby with you. Now that you don’t live with him and do not ask him for money, he .. is encouraging you to continue to not ask him for money.

The words of exaggerated appreciation do not cost him money, and in one of his docs, it says: words do not cost you money and are so easy to say, so if they serve you, say them.

“It was the needing of him that he wanted but also didn’t like.. like he wants me to need him but he also thought I was using him. This is similar to N! they are flattered when I need them, but they also feel taken advantage of when I need them“- F wants you to need him and he wants to pay the least for that which he wants, similarly to him wanting to buy a particular house but negotiating so to pay the least for it.

“Thank you for pointing this out. I wonder why I feel the need to make sure I don’t bring someone down, maybe it is because of what I wrote above, how my mom has done that to me and I know how it feels“- you are welcome. I think that the reason you didn’t want to bring me down/ don’t want to bring others down is because of your Empathy/ open heart chakra.

“I am finding myself wondering why I was attracted to N, or understand why I still may be. So that when I go to get my things I am aware of what attracted me in the first place and be cautious of it showing up again. Do you think he was narcissistic? Today my roommates boyfriend played a similar game that reminded me of N. It is her birthday today and he did not message her this morning… she hated that he had power over her and was disappointing. It was sad to hear and also incredibly relatable. I had this power dynamic with N and it was emotional torture. Why do we withstand this and also why do they do it? I know people are complex but this is such a similar behavior and reaction it caused in both her and I“-

– People with a conscience are complex, people who care about doing what’s right and just, and in that caring, they struggle with getting their needs and wants satisfied, many struggle to identify what they need and want.

People without much conscience, people who are not concerned with doing what’s right and just for others (the SWAWAM/ Spider/ Narcissistic People) are not complex at all, just like spiders who are solitary animals, not social animals. If you see complexity in them it’s either your own complexity erroneously projected into them, and/ or you see a leftover bit of authenticity here and there, a leftover from the time before they moved away from their social-animal part, the part that cares to share power with others and have Win-Win interactions and relationships.

If you are attracted to N because he is a SWAWAM/ Spider Person, it may be because like everyone, you are attracted to Power. Thing is, are you also attracted to what being a social animal is about: the honest caring for another, the sharing of power for each other’s benefit?

anita