Okay, so you believe you need to achieve the same as someone else, and then if you don’t, you beat yourself up, you feel bad about yourself (I feel guilty), and then your performance gets even worse (I procrastinate a lot).

Comparison with others is something you were exposed to during your entire childhood: both your father and your grandfather were comparing you with other kids all the time, right? And now you are doing it to yourself. You’ve internalized your father and grandfather’s voice and it became a part of your inner critic. So comparing yourself to others is another way of telling yourself “I am not good enough/successful enough/rich enough/high on the ladder enough”.

That’s why you “feel like times is passing too fast” (the title of your thread) – because there is a pressure to perform, to achieve, to push, push, push… because someone else is doing it better and faster than you.

Would you agree with that?

Yes I agree with that and thanks for that reminder again. I need to write this down again because apparently I do need this same reminder repeatedly time to time.

 

Comparing ourselves to others is very toxic – it doesn’t motivate us but makes us feel like a failure. It’s not like a positive encouragement, but it always comes with a lot of self-judgment. And it eventually prevents us from thriving, because we feel like a failure, and so we self-sabotage.

So my suggestion is to stop the comparison. See it for what it is: a toxic feature of your inner critic, something you’ve learned from your father and grandfather.

There is a great youtube video “How to stop comparing yourself to others“, which just popped up in my feed, by Therapy in a nutshell. She says some fantastic things, e.g. that by comparing ourselves to others, we believe that our worth is dependent on how we score compared to others, how many people are above us or below us on the “ranking list”. And this always lead to disappointment because someone will always be better and more successful than us.

Bottom line: by comparing ourselves to others we are allowing our worth (which is inherent) to be dependent on external factors. And we are setting ourselves up for failure.

Yes! You’re right that’s why one of the reasons I’m using LinkedIn much less than before. Mainly for communication and network building. Because it would give me that “ranking list” pressure even more

A better approach, she says, is to focus on integrity (living in accordance to your true values) rather than comparison. Here is an example: if we want to lose weight, the comparison mindset would say “Oh, Martha is in a such a great shape. I have to lose weight already!” Whereas the integrity mindset would say “My health is important to me. I will cut down on junk food and exercise more, because I want to be healthy.”

I found this pretty cool: integrity mindset vs comparison mindset. Never heard it described this way, and loved it!

Anyway, just wanted to share this…

Thanks for the example I guess one way or another subconsciously I am comparing myself with others and I agree and “living in accordance to your true values” I did journal about this quite a while ago and I put lot of thought into that but so many things came up yet I still wrote it down. So I believe (not 100% sure) that my core values are Freedom, Simplicity, Honesty and Altruism…with added Open mindedness, Adventure, Wisdom, Faith and Inner peace. But how can I be sure what are my true values?

How have you been? I hope you are fine…

Well, Healthwise I’m doing alright but last week when I went for donate my blood, they gave me this report and told me that I have to gain my weight and hemoglobin %

And Idk what’s happening, because I’m rarely eating out and 99% of the time I’m having home cooked meals mostly full of green vegetables curries.

How about you? In your condition healthy food can make a difference?