Dear Tee,

“The problem is that we cannot selectively switch off just the unpleasant emotions while keeping the pleasant ones” That’s the weird part. I am able to freely smile and “enjoy” a lot of things without facing any issues. I can even smile and laugh even right now. So is it actually affecting me?

“This is a negative bias towards women: that women do stupid things, and that it’s normal for them.” I think you misunderstood. I am not saying that women do stupid things, I am saying that women do things that men (I) view as stupid, such as spending hundreds of dollars on makeup and outfits, or when they are dramatic about lots of issues or when some women see their man interacting with another woman for 5 seconds, they are able to be upset for the entire day for literally no reason when all the man probably did is show the woman some directions or something. That is not an attitude I picked up from my father, that is something that I have seen from real life situations. And I only saw B through that lens cause of the absolute foolishness she kept doing. This woman broke up with me just cause I left my phone online on Instagram while I was sleeping. That is the foolishness I had to deal with. And what makes it even more stupid is that she had access to my Instagram account so if I were doing any suspicious activity, she would have known. This opinion of mine may seem like bias to you but it’s really not. I have seen multiple men complain about these same foolishness before I realized this is actually normal. It is normal for women to be overthinking about even the smallest things. They have proven it through their actions. I am not saying all women are like this, but the women that I have seen, the women that I’ve heard other men complain about, have all been like this. Tee, the women today even post sexy photos of themselves in revealing outfits and claim they are doing it for themself. IF THEY ARE DOING IT FOR THEMSELF<, WHY NOT JUST KEEP IT IN THEIR GALLERY???? This is not something that only B did, but other women have done it too. I have heard enough first hand experiences from men to know this kind of foolishness is normal to an extent but that doesn’t mean I will tolerate it more than I should.

“I don’t know of this new “normal”, where women leave their man if he shows tears.” This is quite normal in this world. Even women using divorce to steal half of a man’s wealth has become normalized in the current society. That is why most men live in fear of dating women. I can give you lots of real life stories that I witnessed with women behaving in similar manners. One such experience was when my father brought in a foreigner to work at his company and he found a woman here to marry. They got married and hit it off for a while but then one day, following an altercation, that woman called the immigration officers on him while he was at work. He was then arrested and taken to the detention center, where he cried to his wife and my dad pleading for help to get out of there, but the wife did nothing to help him get out. So my father got him out by sending him to Cuba and fixing his paperwork so that he can return to work at his company again. And they got divorced as soon as he landed here.

Another similar example was my dad’s other friend, who had a girlfriend and a teenage daughter. They were a lovely couple and I always visited them with my dad. One day, the woman got offered a job in the US and she wanted to move there to work but the man couldn’t move because his entire family was here and his job was here too and it would be difficult for him to get another job in the US. However, because she wanted to move to the States so badly, the man did extra work to make the money necessary to send his gf and their daughter to the US while he stayed behind to make more money so he can later join them. But a few weeks later, I found out that the woman got the job in the US (Florida to be precise), broke up with him, and married some doctor in the States, leaving him behind, broken. I can give you more real life examples that I actually witnessed regarding women like these. Therefore, I cannot really blame my parents for having their bad opinion about women when the women they have known are women like these. I don’t know where you live but the men there must be extremely lucky to not have these issues, cause these women are normal here.

“So I guess they’ve brought you up with this outdated stereotype about how a true man and a true woman should be.” If my parents brought me up in the actual outdated stereotype that you assumed them to have done, they would have taught me that men should go out and do all the work while women must stay home as housewives bearing children and etc. That is not what my parents taught me. My parents taught me that women should be treated with respect and love and that women should be allowed to study and pursue their dreams and marry the man they desire and they should be loyal to their man, and the same goes for men too and etc. My parents taught me that when a man and woman become one, they should share their burdens, not force them on one person. The wife should be the husband’s best friend and the husband should be the wife’s best friend and they should work together to make decisions and always be responsible for each other and for their family. They taught me that the man should be the head of the household but he should never shut down his wife and always let her share her opinion regarding things and let her assist in decision making. That is what my parents taught me, and I do not believe there is anything wrong with the things they taught me.

The only reason my parents shut down my feelings is because they cannot comprehend my feelings. They cannot comprehend the pain that a suicidal person is going through. They just use logic instead of emotions to deal with such issues, and they cannot relate to me in any manner or form. So their inability to understand me forced me to shut down my feelings because I would be wasting my energy trying to make them understand. The fact that men cannot show their emotions is something that society taught me, not what my parents taught me. My parents wanted me to express myself but their inability to understand forced me to shut down my feelings instead of telling them. They literally cannot comprehend it. That is why they only saw the humiliation when the church found out that I was suicidal.

Look at all these feminists and other women out there creating an environment where the man has to just endure and never complain until they are completely fed up. Not every women is as mature as you are. Especially nowadays, look at all these young women just going to clubs and drinking and sleeping with multiple men and men sleeping with multiple women and etc. That is the state of current society right now. Do you think these women will appreciate a man who is in “touch with his emotions”? Immature people like these women won’t understand complex emotions. These immature women will only treat the men with emotions as weak men. Their only focus is themself. I am not saying that all women are like this. I am saying that women like this do exist, as shown by the real life examples I told you earlier.

How do you differentiate between a good and bad partner anyway in this day and age? My uncle and aunt got married in December 2012 and when we met my aunt, she was the most amazing woman that any one of us had ever met. I was like 7 back then and even I was impressed by her, and you know that if an innocent child is able to say you are amazing, that means YOU ARE AMAZING. My aunt was so caring, so loving, so kind and understanding, always taking care of each of us family members, always helping out in the kitchen and taking responsibility and etc. Even my father told the other women in the house that they should learn from her (as a joke). She was a well respected teacher at a high school and was always looked up to by the kids there. But only recently did we find out her true nature. She had rejected Christianity and she disrespected my grandfather who is a priest. She had been emotionally cheating with another man (A TAXI DRIVER!!!!!) while my confused uncle was at home wondering why she was behaving so hostile to him. Everyone knows my uncle as the deacon and the well respected teacher. Everyone knows that my uncle is kind, gentle and innocent (to the point that they take advantage of him to borrow money which they never return). EVERYONE KNOWS THAT HE IS NOT EVEN THE TYPE TO ABUSE HIS WIFE. But this woman divorced him cause he was not masculine enough for her!!!!!! This is the type of woman that exists in society now. This woman is a perfect example of a woman who would leave their man for showing his emotions. Then she married the taxi driver and converted into his religion. She even tried to turn their two kids against their father, but the older one was mature enough to realize what a horrible person his mother really is but the younger one was easily manipulated by treats and other stuff his mother brought. She even forced her own brother out of her family and treats her mother like trash, and we didn’t know any of this until recently cause of how good she was at hiding it. So how do we even tell who is a good partner and who is not a good partner? They can easily hide it from us, make us believe that they are the most perfect person in the world, while hiding their true nature.

Paradoxy