Ciao SereneWolf 🙂

You’re quite emotionally strong and I admire your resilience to keep moving forward and managing this health anxiety. I hope it pays off.

Thanks, I hope so too!

just today I went to visit kindergarten with my sister and cousin, It’s mainly health checkup day for kids. But even there what I see? Comparison. Literally even for their body not just their smartness.

Was the doctor comparing the kids? Was he/she shaming those who are e.g. shorter and skinnier?

Thanks for the reminder! I appreciate it. But just today I have this uneasy feeling like fr what the heck do I actually want from life? I took a pen and journal notebook but still couldn’t figure out

It seems to me that this event (of kids being compared and possibly shamed?) re-opened a wound in you: that of being compared to others, not just by your parents but the entire society (it wasn’t only my parents, environment around me did play a big part as well. And I think it’s a huge societal issue).

And this maybe triggered a feeling of helplessness? Which made you ask yourself: What do I event want from life?

Because my guess is that the pain of being compared to others, which you re-experienced today, made you slip into the old false belief, which might go something like “There is no point in trying, I’ll never be good enough anyway”. And then in that state of hopelessness, you started questioning what you even want from life, because you suddenly felt weak to go for your dreams… Is this what perhaps happened?

Yes that’s why even good and proud moments feels dull sometimes

Yes, because the core wound (of not feeling good enough) is still there…