Dear Anita,

You got offended by the facts that I stated? Or you got offended by the way I stated those facts?

Don’t you think it is disrespectful for you to say that I am a verbal abuser with uncontrolled anger and that the only reason why I do not call my responders names here is cause of some website regulations instead of my actual personality and my patience?

Don’t you think it is disrespectful for you to be here accusing me of loving to argue and fight when all I did was clarify some facts that you got wrong so that you can formulate your advice better?

Don’t you think it is disrespectful for you to call me a verbal abuser when I AM THE ONE who came here ADMITTING that I have used disrespectful terms sometimes when I was really really tired of her bs and I admitted that I know that what I said was wrong and that I regret it and that I have been working on fixing it by considerably reducing it? I even told you that this “verbal abuse” of mine is not even that common. Yes I have used disrespectful terms against B but those cases are like once in every 4 months or something despite the number of fights we had. My so-called “verbal abuse” does not happen often enough for me to be considered an abuser. Fine, even if we say that verbal abuse is still verbal abuse, you have to accept that everyone has a limit to their patience, EVEN YOU have a limit to your patience, as proven by how you are behaving RIGHT NOW but I cannot call you hot-tempered for that, cause that would be stupid and unfair. I extremely regret the things I said to B, but please, please, PLEASE, I beg you to understand how extreme the situation became before I ran out of patience and entered the verbal abuse phase.

Don’t you think it is disrespectful for you to be here giving advice and coming to conclusions by INTENTIONALLY ignoring the things that are said and refusing to allow some facts to be corrected when IT IS MY LIFE that I am describing? A very good example would be when you ignore me when I REPEATED COUNTLESS TIMES that I entered the verbal abusive phase AFTER HOURS/DAYS/WEEKS OF NONSTOP ARGUING. Obviously, just like it is PROVEN by this thread, when you are arguing for over a month about the same issue, you will eventually run out of patience. But do you see me being disrespectful to my responders? Even in your case, all I stated were facts, such as that Tee’s advice was BETTER than yours because she understands the situation BETTER than you. Where is the disrespect in that? Don’t you think I get tired every time you misinterpret something that I said? I asked you to UNDERSTAND the anger that I felt when B was behaving the way she did. But it looks like even if you didn’t understand my anger then, you are now experiencing that same sadness and anger I felt when dealing with her, as shown by you stating “reading the above makes me feel anxious, sad and angry, the many hours of my efforts to help you ending with your efforts to hurt me.” Just like how you are feeling anxious, sad and angry after spending hours trying to “help” me, I felt THE EXACT SAME EMOTIONS when I had to argue with B for prolonged periods of time. See NOW, you are able to understand what lead me to become “verbally abusive” in that moment, even though I regret doing so.

Don’t you think it is also disrespectful you to judge me based on how I felt FOUR YEARS AGO, despite the fact that I told you that I GREW OUT OF THAT PHASE? It is only coming back NOW as a result of the pain caused by the break up.

I can list more things that I said which YOU INTENTIONALLY IGNORED but you keep bringing it back like I didn’t already just explain it to you.

Don’t you think it is disrespectful for you to assume that I am not taking responsibility for my mistake just cause I asked you to clarify what you are trying to say about my so-called “verbal abuse”?  I quote myself saying “So basically, you are saying that I am indeed verbally abusive. But I want to understand, is it still verbally abusive if the things that are said are actually true?” That was a QUESTION, which shows that I GENUINELY WANTED TO UNDERSTAND what you were trying to say. And you responded by saying “You didn’t yet take responsibility for verbally abusing her, you’ve spoken from both sides of your mouth in this regard: saying that you were abusive and then saying that if she is a brick wall, then calling her a brick wall is not abusive.” It is very obvious here that you clearly misunderstood what I said. You assumed that I was making a CLAIM that calling her a brick wall is not abusive, when all I did was ask you a QUESTION.

Please, Anita or anyone, please tell me if I am the one misunderstanding here. I am more than willing to learn from my mistakes as all I have is respect for you Anita. Even to the point where I kept apologizing to you Anita for sounding like a “brat”. I do appreciate your help, all I am saying is that Tee’s help was more beneficial for me because she was able to understand the situation better than you and she was able to point out things that I had not thought of. I don’t mind receiving a motherly hug from you, but how can you expect me to receive a sympathetic hug from someone who doesn’t even sympathize with what I am going through? I hope you realize that I meant no disrespect. I know you do not want to keep talking to me, but I will still look forward to your response Anita as I see you as a caring individual with more wisdom than me, but just like how I respect you, I want you to respect me too and not misinterpret the things that I have said.

Paradoxy