Dear Tee,

“What exactly did he tell her?” I am not sure exactly, but whatever he said to her, convinced her that I was cheating and lying to her the whole time. But when I asked him, he said that she misunderstood him and he didn’t lie. But he also says that he doesn’t exactly remember what he said specifically, just the general things. He says that he told her that I was not cheating, but she still accused me of cheating and lying so idk.

“Did you tell him that she prostituted herself?” Yes I told him, but B is telling me that it was not in my right for me to share what happened to her, but she doesn’t realize that the trauma may be her experience, but her decisions as a result of the trauma became the root causes of my pain and suffering, therefore making it my right to share the cause of my pain and suffering.

“He is not your enemy.” More like traitor. This is not the first time he fueled her fire with more misunderstandings so I am not amazed, cause last time she messaged him with her suspicion that I was cheating when in fact I was actually sleeping, and he agreed with her that I could be cheating, despite being fully aware that I am not the type of person to be cheating or anything. I just have the habit of oversharing. I am a fool. He betrayed me by doing exactly what I told him not to do. He could have at least respected my wishes. But I think I still forgive him tho. But I don’t see him the same way as before anymore.

“I remember that you had a similar reaction to your school friend, who informed her parents about your suicide attempt.” Don’t I have a right to my wishes? I already told her that I wouldn’t commit suicide. I was just extremely depressed and I just wanted to die, I never said I would actually do it. Shouldn’t she be respecting my wishes? Don’t you think it is wrong for someone to pretend to be your friend and let you feel comfortable enough to open up and then instead of respecting your wishes, they think it is in their purview to do what they think is right for you? It is people like that who make situations worse than it actually is, because they try to help and they don’t know how so they go about it the wrong way. In the end what happened? All she did was drive me further into depression, further into suicide. I understand that she cared but don’t try to help if you don’t know how to help cause all you will end up doing is making things worse. Suicidal people are delicate people. It is like they are on top of the building about to kill themself and you are the negotiator. If you say the wrong thing or action, you might end up causing them to jump off the building, could even be just a tiny slip of their feet that you caused that would end up taking their life. I was upset with her because all she did was make it harder for me to deal with my parents. I would have been much better if I had just kept things to myself and now I have to learn that lesson the hard way. I wanted a friend who would try to understand me and make me feel heard, but this is what I get instead. Sometimes all you want is someone who listens to you rant and not someone who instantly tries to fix the issues without understanding the situation properly.

Let me repeat this, IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO HELP, THEN DON’T HELP. It is better than taking the risk of making things worse I swear.

“Has she accused you (or someone you know) of stealing a stapler, even though the person didn’t steal it, but asked her if they can borrow it?” No it was just an example. But I saw her rant about me to her friend and she painted me as the villain by omitting details and the friend kept supporting her, saying that I am not worth it and etc.

“Oh he got married when he needed someone to take care of him in his illness?” No he got married prior to his diagnosis I think but he essentially got married when he was ready to settle down with one woman, after he had enjoyed his youth to the peak with multiple other women.

“How is he consoling her? By giving her money?” No, he means emotional consoling. That I should be there for her to help her heal and it was not her fault and etc. Idk if she omitted details from him but the way she explained it to me, she clearly had the power to stop it from happening but she still allowed it. That man did not come back once or twice, but THREE TIMES. I would understand if it was a one time thing, but THREE TIMES? That is some bs, there is no way she can say she had no choice. But what is even worse is that she hid it from me. As a couple we should have been working together to heal from that trauma, but instead she hid it and dealt with it on her own and then shared the truth with me A YEAR LATER and now I have to deal with the the trauma of knowing what she had to go through AND her betrayal.

“I cannot help but thinking that he is one of those rich old guys, whom her aunt was trying to fix her up with.” Maybe, maybe not but they did not meet through the aunt, and they have known each other for years so if that was his intention he would have done something by now.

“Is there a proof in your phone that she has your laptop? I mean, do you mention it in your chats?” Yes I have proof, in the chat as well as the computer itself because my name is there as the administrator for the laptop. And I know I can use it, but I really don’t want cops to be involved in relationship crisis like this. It would raise unnecessary attention and I prefer to be invisible. But I did tell her that I would be forced to call the authorities on her, but she knows I wouldn’t cause I am not that kind of person. Besides, can I really blame her for not giving me the laptop cause she needs it for work and doesn’t have enough money yet to buy a new laptop?

“You can change that. You don’t need to remain a doormat and victim till the end.” Yea I will try to work on it.

“You mean you refused to reconcile with her?” Yes, and I told her where the line of my patience and understanding is, which she shouldn’t be crossing, but she keeps doing it. And while in the relationship, I had already established the line on things that I didn’t like to see her doing, such as wearing revealing outfits in public and posting bikini pictures etc. But I guess she is still able to manipulate me.

“To refrain from getting into an argument.” I have been trying to do that but my doubts caused me to be weak, I will work on getting it fixed.

“As for your interaction with Anita, I believe that you were actually not rude with her, even though in the beginning you did argue a lot, with both of us.” It was getting annoying that she kept using my past from 4 years ago to describe me now after I already stated that I had grown out of that phase. Besides I also mentioned details that she kept ignoring in her messages, (details such as the fact that my so-called verbal abuse were not random outbursts but a reaction to B’s behavior after arguing for several hours/days/weeks with no progress in understanding and improving the behavior) which further frustrated me cause I felt unheard. And then Anita said that the only reason why I have not started name calling my responders here is cause of some website regulations, which really offended me cause she is saying that it is in my nature to be verbally abusive. I know that my response to what she said was hurtful to her but I wish we could have come to an understanding.

“You are not always the problem. You are not always the one to blame.” Lol you sound like you are saying that I am the problem only 99% of the time but there is the remaining 1% where I am not the problem. But I understand what you are saying. I will work on changing my core beliefs, but it is difficult when the way others behave towards me strengthens my core beliefs. But thank you for your help.

Paradoxy