Dear Helcat,

I braced myself before reading, but then found nothing I disagreed with. I have been working on validating myself and not looking to others to validate me, but when I respect someone as much as I do you, it is harder. I feel very validated right now.

I completely agree, he gave money that he then held resent for later. I am realizing now, because of him, that some people give disingenuously. Unfortunately I learned this lesson with N, too late. My roommate actually, amongst many great qualities is this same way. It is on a much smaller scale of money, she will say “I got it” and pay for my drink then weeks later bring it up when I ask her for wifi money that we share… I recently changed my outlook on money with her and keep it cut and dry, if she says “I got it” I still hand her the money. I find this behavior dishonest but I learned from N the mistake of believing them. I also believe N started to stress about not enough money, but didn’t share this with me until it was too late.

I also agree and no longer believe my trauma is too much for future relationships. I trust my ability to grow from it and actually give me more compassion for other’s trauma. I admit that in the relationship I blamed N for things that were my trauma, not him, but before I ended things I had began apologizing for that. Since I came to this forum months before the breakup and learned my trauma projections, I re-phrased myself to him saying “I am hurting right now and it is not because of you, but I am asking for your support.” He did not understand that concept, and believed I was being weak and emotional. Hence the incompatibility.

Thank you for your analysis Helcat, it brought me peace this morning 🙂

Seaturtle