Dear Paradoxy,

Yes he told her that if I was not his friend, he would have wanted to get to know her. Sure u could say he respected me.

Yes, he did.

This dude is casually sleeping with multiple women, and I have a feeling he only sees B as a sexually object too. Idk.

In that case he sees her exactly the way she wants to be seen: as a sex object.

But if he was attracted to her, he should not have made a move at all (especially after telling him what kind of person she is) cause how can he come tell me that I deserve better and she is not the right person and all that stuff but the next moment he is showing interest in her?

I don’t think it makes sense to comment on this until you know his version of the story. But it might have been something like this: he meets her, think she’s hot. Nothing more. You are his friend and he is there for you when you complain about the relationship. You are fighting a lot, constantly breaking up and reconciling, and he doubts that you’ll ever break up for good. But eventually you do. He is supportive and even offers to accompany you to her place, to pick up your stuff (you say it’s not necessary, but still, it was nice of him).

When you are at her place, picking up your stuff, she sees the conversation (many months worth of conversation) between you and him, and steals it. Having gone over it, she starts accusing you of various things. She also starts accusing him. He starts defending himself. And that’s how their conversation starts.

Little by little, she is working her magic and starts painting a different version of what happened between the two of you. Slowly but surely she is manipulating him into believing that you are an a**, while she is innocent. She portrays herself as your victim. He starts thinking that she is not as bad as you portrayed her to be. And indeed, she sounds so sweet and normal with him – no trace of the b**** and the brickwall that you were complaining about.

They seem to be getting on so well, and then she sends him a few strategic emoticons (a heart, a kiss, maybe even some pursed lips). He is hooked. And he tells her: Everyone’s interactions with people are unique and different. It might not be the same for us.

I can easily imagine the above scenario.

He should not have been trying to screw us up from behind my back in the first place. If he wanted to make a move, he should have expressed his interest after B and I had settled everything since our break up, instead of trying to push us toward the break up.

How did he push you towards the breakup? You were breaking up all the time anyway.

He can’t be saying B is cruel and narcissistic and etc and then the next day you find him dating her.

Not exactly the next day. As I said, the scenario I painted above is very possible with a narcissist.

Yes I get that, but at least wait for us to settle things between her so I can stop caring completely,

If he waited for you to stop caring completely, he could be waiting a lifetime 😉

because he knows that she owes me money, and he couldn’t wait?

She owes you money. At this point you are her creditor, not her boyfriend. It could be a strictly business relationship. But it’s much more than business, at least to you…

he still knowingly hammered the wedge that was already placed between us and then he made a move behind my back.

What wedge did he hammer between you and B? How is he responsible for your breakup?

Eh, she told me to not do anything about it or confront him about it… so how is she pitting us against each other?

Because she might be lying about half of it…

But to be dumb enough to trust a girl who u have known for 2 years but barely interacted with, over a guy who has been with u for 4+ years and you literally live together and do everything together is just insane.

They have been probably interacting in the past 3 months… as I said, his affinity for her (if it really exists) didn’t happen over night.

Besides, you too trust her rather than him, even if you’ve known her and her antics for almost 2 years.

He could lie too. What then? Its not like he would show me his chat.

Well, he might… but you can ask him about this whole thing. Unless you want to keep accusing him without knowing the full story.

Yeah she doesn’t know how to save money, which is why I am becoming increasingly annoyed cause there is nothing I can actually do to force her to save money. Can’t even call the cops because her roommate is a cop and she is also one of the worst cheaters u could find.

There is no way to force her to do anything she doesn’t want, Paradoxy. And since you’re not going to take the case to the court, you might as well start accepting the possibility that she’ll never return your money. There will be always something more urgent to spend on.

its not like I can block her. I have to just sit here and let her hit my pride and ego and everything and tank it as much as I can.

You don’t have to block her. You can keep it strictly business and ask: “do you have my money? No? Okay, call me when you have it.”

How about communicating in this way? Your conversations don’t really have to end in a fight – if you learn how to stop being triggered by a narcissist. If you educate yourself. If you decide to stop allowing her to abuse you.

But I am afraid you’re not at that stage yet, since you’re laughing about repeatedly being bitten by a snake:

Lol ig u r right.

It seems you still want to enable her. You still want to stay in this emotionally charged relationship with her, even if it’s draining you and you feel bad afterwards.

And yeah she is trying to lure me back into a relationship too, but it ain’t working.

She is a text-book narcissist then. Doing the “hoovering” (if you want to look it up). I strongly suggest you educate yourself on narcissist tactics, because if you don’t, you are going to get hoovered again, Paradoxy. Taking yourself for another cycle. Spin cycle (as I heard someone call narcissistic abuse).