Dear Clara:

You are welcome.

“I am aware this is a two person job… My constant fear has taken a toll on me, I mean I have been working very hard on my self development, which is along the path that we have discussed. But yes, I am too afraid and thus obsessed with what will happen, rather than what’s happening“- fear causes a person to run away (Flight), Fight, or Freeze (as in being stuck obsessing, fretting). Neither is congruent with self- development or with relationship-development, as in working together as a team for the benefit of both.

“I will try to be stronger when I meet her.“- this sentence brings to my mind one of Yoda’s famous saying from one of the Star Wars movies: “Do. Or do not. There is no try“.

I know how powerful fear can be. I feel fear every day living in a world as troubled and in places, as horribly violent as it is. But we must not give in to fear, to not surrender to it, to not submit to what we’re afraid of.

Fear cannot be overcome with obsessing and freezing (inaction, passivity), but by strength from the inside of a person, strength and courage.

She shouldn’t be this powerful in your mind and heart: The One whose Yes means life, and No means a death of sorts. She shouldn’t have this power. I don’t think (from what you shared) that she wants to have this power over you.

Maybe you can visualize her not as an entity looming large above, but as a person on your level, one like many millions of people.

anita