Dear Clara:

You are welcome, and thank you for the invitation to ask you again how you are feeling/ doing.  “I have some ups and downs, but definitely a lot more ups than downs. Or, more neutral/ calm than downs“- recovery in-progress!

“I think asking her move away ASAP is the right thing to do“- yes, it was the right thing to do.

“I just didn’t know whether the ‘how’ is ‘ok’, and the emotions in between is ‘ok’ or not, like I told her off and said she was an idiot...”- emotions get messy during difficult, challenging times. We are not a perfect specimen, as you know. When I say things I regret later on, I make a mental note of what not to say in a similar situation in the future, and I pretty much let go of it.

“I have grown from there and it is as if my lens for my family has changed. There is a sense of calmness when I am at my parents home now, previously I felt easier irritated by little things. So, I think, this is definitely a huge plus of her leaving me… The other day, I gave my mom a proper, big hug. As Asian we don’t really show that much affection…  Very interestingly she almost hugged me immediately without hesitation… I was trying to solidify that secure attachment feelings and I think it worked… this should have built my ‘family island’…The whole realization of the secure attachment, calmed my nervous system– excellent attitude and work, Clara!

“I got myself some plants today… Now that her things are gone I have plenty of space and I am trying to fill the places with things I like“- I think that to fill the space left by her moving out with plants is a way better choice, at this point, than to fill it in with a pet, or a tattoo. Good progress overall, Clara, I am impressed!

anita