Dear YOR:

You are very welcome, and good to read from you again, a bit over a month since you posted last! (I did not create this platform though: I am a member here, just like you!)

“one day he just  told me that he has his religious calling. So he stopped entering bars… But all this time sharing the same bed with me was never a problem?? And I never saw this as a problem? I could have preserved myself if I noticed this. But I thought he is the one“- from where you are now, being outside the relationship for months, you can look back- with some distance- and see things you were not able to see when you were in the relationship. When you were in the relationship, there was no distance between your heart (emotion) and mind (logic). In other words, your heart ruled, and as the saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants: it wanted to see that he was the one, so that’s what it saw. (It didn’t want to see evidence that he may not be the one.. so, it didn’t).

Fast forward, there is some distance between your heart and mind, and.. logic has its say: you can see his inconsistencies, such as the one you mentioned (evidence that he is not the one for you).

“I am 25… I feel like I am too old now, and I will never get anyone in my life, and it is kind of scary to be alone my entire life you know“- notice that what scares you is not being alone for your entire life (it didn’t happen; it is not your reality), what scares you is the thought of being alone for your entire life. It’s only a thought, not a reality.

I suppose the idea that you will be alone your entire life came to be because you thought that he was the one, and part of you still thinks it.. and if the one is gone from your life.. there is no one else.

“All this came into my head after one of my childhood friends suddenly got in touch with me after a year…  When I told her that I separated because his parents… preferred a housewife and very religious person.. she said and I quote, ‘Good for you, you don’t deserve to spoil anybody’s life. You just care about your work and yourself. You are selfish and you will die alone, never find anyone because all of us can look through you.’“-

–  there is a saying: with friends like this, who needs enemies? Reads to me that she’s been jealous of you, and angry at you long before she recently got in touch with you, and that she is jealous because you are an independent working woman, and she imagines that your life is much better than hers. In her anger, she tried to hurt you/ to cause you some emotional pain..

“Hearing this from my childhood friend, was so painful… Her words hurt me bad“- and she succeeded.

“I am not selfish. I try to help. I do spend a lot of time working, but I also spend time following my hobbies“- in my communication with you, I sensed no selfishness. On the other hand, your childhood friend (no longer a friend) revealed selfishness when she tried (and succeeded) to hurt you. I am sorry that it happened.

anita