How are you, Arctic07?

Dear YOR:

You are welcome!

I just re-read your first post and I was wondering in regard to what you shared here: “I was always told that I get angry and I am short tempered… Maybe if I kept my mouth shut instead of expressing how I felt, we would have been together“- do you mean that during the relationship with him, you were repeatedly angry and short tempered with him (although you loved him).. maybe raising your voice at him, shaming him with words, perhaps?

I ask, not because I have reason to believe so (you appear kind and empathetic in your writing), but just so to address this possibility for a better understanding on my part. I hope that you are okay with me addressing this possibility.

Back to your 2nd post: “He did not like my friends so I had to create distance between my friends… He has a lot of friends“- I wonder, what did he dislike about your friends, and what kinds of friends does he have, what’s the nature of their friendships (if you know)?

“It is difficult to imagine life without him because he is all that I had… I have not slept properly since the day we separated… I feel like saving our relationship in some way. I clearly know that he is not interested in me, and still, I think about him and us. I know this is extremely insane and stupid on my part“- it’s not stupid on your part, there is a saying: the heart wants what the heart wants, and there is no reasoning when it comes to a deep, intense longing for another person.

Please aim at resuming your pre-breakup sleep quality, there are practices that can help, such as listening to calming guided meditations at bedtime. Sleeping better will help your state of mind and heart.

“Also, he recently texted my mother to let me know that I shall quickly remove my stuff from his apartment… I am having a tough time to collect it… I am wondering if I shall contact him once regarding my things at his apartment, but I am scared that it will affect me mentally and emotionally a lot.“- what about him mailing the stuff to you, or dropping it at your place when you are at work, so that there is no personal contact?

anita

Dear YOR:

You are welcome, I am well, thank you. I am glad that you feel safe here!

“About my stuff, I am in a different country in Europe… I am trying to arrange someone to collect my stuff from his apartment, I hope it works out“- your mental health is way more important than stuff. I hope that you do get your stuff back without negative consequences to you.

His expectation or demand that you pray 1- 3 hours every day.. to a god or entity that you don’t believe in is absurd!

“Later, he just became too cold, and oddly rigid over things he knows I cannot do. Like leaving my job, or letting him decide alone what and where I shall work… I tried to adjust as much as I can, but he would still show me angry eyes, you know.. the way someone looks in the eyes.. that gives an uncomfortable feeling“- controlling, angry and absurd!

“The last time we spoke. I was begging him to save our relationship by being a little open minded and he said he cannot promise future but can casually continue dating me. This was too disrespectful to me“- controlling, angry, absurd and disrespectful.

In your first post, you wrote about your ex-boyfriend: “he was super kind, super nice, just absolutely perfect in all ways. We moved in the same home, we were working in Europe at that time”– maybe, once in Europe, away from his family, local friends, etc., he took a break from his country/ his family and from his usual self, from the ways he behaved when in India, a temporary break.

“He has all friends from his nationality… I did not have much to talk to them, because they talked about some podcasts about some sort of witchcraft“- reads like radicalization: “the process by which an individual or a group comes to adopt increasingly radical views in opposition to a political, social, or religious status quo”, Wikipedia.

Maybe it’s both, to one extent or another. Maybe it’s mostly the latter,  some sort of a religious radicalization he went through recently, which changed him from the previously super-kind, super-nice, absolutely-perfect-in-all-ways person that he was.. (for a while) to the opposite: someone super-controlling, super-angry, super-rude, etc.

What do you think?

anita

Only trees cannot move. You are not a tree; thus you can move on. It was never your fault that he left you. The man who truly cares about you will not leave you. Thus you must accept that he was not right for you. You made a mistake and are learning from it. Always learn from your mistakes so that you will not repeat, analyze what went wrong before you get into another wrong relationship.