Hi all,

I kindly ask not to send hate or respond harshly, for I am not in the right state of mind and hate myself plenty as is.

A few months ago I got married to the man I love. He’s very loving, all around a green flag, kind and soft to a fault. I’m so very lucky to have him. But… There’s a but.

In the office building that I work in there’s a guy I often bump into, and he’s gorgeous. I know little to nothing about him because we barely talked, but we keep glancing at each other whenever we meet. I tried avoiding him at first because I knew immediately that I found him attractive, and I felt and still feel so bad for it. Unfortunately I still ended up developing a crush on him. There’s clearly some sort of chemistry there, but I refuse to come up to him because it would be wrong, and he’s tried to make a move on me before, but felt too shy to actually say anything. But I know for a fact that’s what it was.

I let my partner know that there’s a person at work that I feel attracted to and he said there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way – once again, he’s genuinely one of the kindest people I know. I refuse to betray his trust, but at the same time I wish I could get to know the guy I have a crush on. Not romantically, but platonically, and figure my feelings out as I go along. What if he’s a better match? What if we’re soulmates, if such a thing even exists?

I hate myself for the way I feel and the way I doubt my relationship with my husband, but I have to be honest with myself. Firstly, it seems I’m dissatisfied at least a little for such a thing to happen in the first place, and secondly, I never felt that chemical-induced attraction to my husband. What we have is a deeper bond obviously, but more of an emotional one, whereas this guy caused sparks as soon as I saw him.

Another thing that worries me, and I hate myself for that also, is that the guy will probably lose any desire to get to know me (and unfortunately I’m kind of scared of losing him) as soon as he knows I’m taken. I wouldn’t hide that from him obviously. I just want to get to know him at least a little to either become disappointed or realise he’s a better match. If that happened, I still wouldn’t cross any lines and part ways with my husband first. He doesn’t deserve any sort of betrayal or affair behind his back.

Anyways, what do I do? Should I leave my job? Should I leave my husband? Should I try to get to know the person in question? Please please refrain from hate because I genuinely feel broken and damaged and really really selfish for being in this situation and having these thoughts. I genuinely feel very lost and upset.