Hi Suzanne

How are you doing?

I’m so sorry to hear that your husband of 30 years has left you. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be. It seems like your world has been turned upside down. I don’t think you’re pathetic for loving him or wanting him back. It is a massive shock and will take time for you to process. If there is anything else that you would like to share, please do. ❤️

I would encourage you to contact a lawyer and try to get your side of things squared away. They would know best what to advise. You deserve to be protected as much as possible in this difficult time. To be clear, I’m not suggesting you rush through with a separation. I just want your assets to be protected. They will have advise specifically about that.

You deserve to be protected as much as possible. This is hard enough, without being blindsided any further. You matter! ❤️

Dear Suzanne:

The mention of Mother’s Day and the silent understanding between you and your daughter shows how this situation affects both of you. It’s not just personal heartbreak—it’s a family wound.

As for letting emotions out—it is not a problem. Feeling deeply is part of healing, even though it hurts. You don’t have to suppress your feelings or pretend to be okay before you’re ready. You deserve compassion, including from yourself.

When your life has been intertwined with someone for decades, losing them can make you feel lost, like you don’t know who you are without them. This can create a sense of unworthiness, because if you believe your value was built around being his wife, his rejection might feel like proof that you are somehow “not enough.”

And when they leave for someone much younger, it can add another layer of pain—comparison, insecurity, self-doubt, wondering if you were somehow “replaced” for being older, as if your age somehow makes you unlovable.

But hear this: love is not measured by youth—it is measured by depth, kindness, and integrity. And none of those qualities depend on the person who left you.

Instead of directing your love toward someone who discarded it, what if you poured that love into yourself?

I know part of you still wants him back. But I ask you to consider: If he did return, would the trust ever heal? Would you ever truly feel safe with him?

* Zen teaches that suffering does not come from what happens to us—it comes from our attachment to what we think should be different. Right now, your heart is aching because you had a vision of your life, built over 30 years, and suddenly, that vision has shattered. Your pain is real, your loss is real—but Zen reminds us that clinging to what has already changed deepens suffering.

This doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings. Zen never says, “Just move on.” It says: Acknowledge the pain, sit with it, but do not let it define you. Zen teaches that desire, when clung to, keeps us trapped. Not because wanting love is wrong, but because longing for what has gone prevents peace.

Zen asks: What happens when you let go of the need for him to come back? What happens when you shift from asking “Why did this happen to me?” to “What can I create for myself now?”

Zen encourages stillness—not as avoidance, but as a way to see yourself clearly beyond the pain. What would happen if you sat for just a moment and asked:

“Who am I, outside of this heartbreak?” “What part of me is waiting to be discovered now that my identity isn’t tied to this marriage?”

Zen reminds you that you are already whole. The loss feels unbearable, but your life is still unfolding. His choices do not define your future. You are not pathetic—you are human, hurting, and healing.

You do not need to force change or erase feelings. But you can loosen your grip on what was —and in that space, something new will rise.

* Radical Acceptance is a term used in psychotherapy that has deep roots in Buddhist philosophy.

From Life Zen. com/ what is radical acceptance: “Radical Acceptance is about accepting reality AS IS—without resistance… It’s a life philosophy that aims to reduce suffering by embracing life’s challenges without trying to change or deny them… Instead of dwelling on what could have been or what should be, you simply embrace the reality of the situation… By accepting the reality of a situation, you eliminate your internal struggle against it. This reduction in inner conflict can significantly decrease stress and anxiety.”

“Radical Acceptance is NOT about saying ‘yes’ or ‘okay’ to anything. You’re not agreeing or approving. It’s more like recognizing that something is happening or has happened… Radical acceptance is NOT about hiding your feelings. It’s about letting all your feelings exist…

“Implementing Radical Acceptance in your daily life is like giving yourself a gift – the gift of peace amidst the chaos… Create an ‘Acceptance mantra’… like ‘This is how it is right now’ or ‘I accept what I cannot change.’ Repeat this mantra when things get tough to bring your focus back to acceptance…

“Life is a series of small moments. Embrace them! Find joy in a cup of coffee, a friendly smile, or the warmth of sunlight. Radical Acceptance is also about appreciating the simple pleasures that surround you.”. I hope you embrace this day, Suzanne, and find joy in life’s simple pleasures. Wishing you a peaceful and heartfelt Mother’s Day. 💐👩‍👧‍👦💖🌸

anita

You are very welcome, Suzanne, reading your message made my day, thank you! I am using my phone and will reply further when I am back to the computer in the morning.

Anita