Since getting diagnosed with NVLD I’ve been understanding myself better and am finally able to articulate emotions I’ve bottled up for most of my adult life. However, my mom is not always the most empathetic or understanding. Today I tried to open up to her about my trust issues and how I’m trying to be a better communicator. I reiterated how I didn’t appreciate how she tried to convince me to kill a mean girl with kindness back in high school knowing that this person was nasty to me out of hopes we’d become friends. I’d mentioned this individual before several times since she’s living her best life and planning her wedding despite not being a warm, kind, or welcoming person while I’ve struggled with a lot of demons and am trying my best. She said she was trying to get me to “build relationships” and “work better with people who aren’t my cup of tea”. She then rubbed it in my face how I’ve had issues with every single roommate in the past although many of these situations were due to not getting enough sleep and feeling overstimulated. She also rubbed it in my face how I’ve been complaining about my disruptive, noisy colleagues at work who play loud music without headphones even after I asked them to keep it down. Luckily my supervisor at work is aware of the situation so this is night and day to what I went through in the past. I’m no saint but years of therapy taught me that there’s no justification for people to me deliberately mean-spirited, unkind, and inconsiderate. However, my mom can’t reprimand these people but can only try to get through to me. My situation with the colleague deliberately ignoring me and also ignoring my supervisor after she told him to be mindful of noise in close quarters, is reminding me of my roommate from hell in college who would deliberately do things she knew impeded on me sleeping since she only cared about herself and her needs. The RA that gaslighted me back then is in jail abroad. I just needed a safe space to vent today.