Well, you might hate me for saying this, … but, ….

You and your boyfriend did not talk enough to know what was on each other’s mind. There was not enough communication. So, there was this lack of of understanding. Sure you liked him and he like you but there was not enough talk about what the future would look like. To see if there was an alignment. You want to go home. He wants to go find a job. So, even though you made the promise to be exclusive, your emotions on this was not absolutely clear. The alcohol only exacerbated it.

Where would loyalty be? Why spend time with another man at all if you wanted to be exclusive. You set up the conditions for this to happen. If you ask me, you should try to work on yourself. Figure out what you want in life and then go about building it. Confess? Did that make you feel better or did it make him feel worse?

Emotional out burst that scares you? Something is wrong if that gets triggered. I am sorry for all the sadness that has happened. But, it is a situation of your own creation. So, how do you go from here? Right where you should have been in the first place. Talking about what you see your futures to be like. Do you plan to marry? Do you plan to have babies/children? Who works and who takes care of the children? What type of housing can you afford? What will it take to make your relationship solid again??

Yeah, I am sorry. Maybe I read your post wrong. I don’t know. I have been a sad sack all my life and only see things from the worse point of view. So, live a good life and make me regret my words. Wishing you well.

A person once said to me, what goes around comes around. Her meaning is that whatever you give to people is what you get back. Simply, being part of the community is dependent on how you reach out to people. My sister lived in a building in NYC with 24 floors and each floor had 10 apartments. When my sister died, almost everyone in the building came to her funeral. The hall was huge and there was standing room only. She had touched the lives of everyone there in one way or another.

My sister wasn’t perfect. But, she put herself out there to help others. And in return, there was a big sense of community. So, when she passed away from Cancer, people learned of it and came out to show respect. So, if you want to have a great sense of community then you will need to show others you are part of their community.

As Roberta said, “Wishing you all the best in finding meaningful connection in your city”. I do hope you find what you are looking for.

Liked the poem.

You sound like a person who is into Buddhism. Can you explain more about Buddhism? What is the goal of Buddhism? Are there any special rules to follow?

Hello Eva,

Sounds like you have a break up story that keeps you locked inside prison walls. Wish I could have done this or that and it would be different now. We could have been together. Or daydreaming about his life with or without you. That is self-destructive and will never stop. Thinking about the past will pull you into that prison again and again. It is the suffering of an event over and over again.

The cure? I don’t have one. I only know that one needs to focus upon this moment. Do and think about now. Spend less time in the past. Let the mind forget and let it go. As you live for the now, with thoughts about the now. The mind will slowly let go of the past. Maybe find another person who holds your attention.

Sorry, I really don’t have any advice or kind words. I too have wasted much time thinking about a person from my past. And even when she past away, I am obsessed with thoughts of her. I know it doesn’t help me and only brings more suffering. So, I move on. Got married. Had a daughter. Lived a life. I spend a lot less time thinking about her. Regrets, we all have one or two? Better to not dwell there too much.

Tommy

My friend ended up quitting his job to go back home to take care of his mother. And for the first six months, he hated his situation. Felt he was trapped and could not see any way to end this problem. Later, he saw his teacher. And thru the few hours he spent with his teacher, his view changed. He was looking upon his situation as a burden. After talking with his teacher, he learned that the time he has to spend with this mom was a blessing. His mind set changed. And he saw his situation as an opportunity to spend time giving of himself. Soon, she passed and he mourned her. And so glad he was able to give the time to help his mom.

Now, your situation is not the same. But, maybe the way you are looking at life is making you suffer more. Buddha said it is the second arrow that causes the suffering. The meaning is a person is hit by an arrow. Instead of taking care of the injury, one spends their time complaining and trying to find the reasons for the pain and suffering. That is the second arrow which causes the suffering more about life.

I don’t know what you need in this life. But, if you see it as a nightmare then maybe time to wake up? Of course one doesn’t just make moves without a plan in order to succeed. Job, savings, rent, and food need to be considered. No matter what one thinks, there are things we can not escape as people. Food, shelter and ways to pay for them. Yes, seeing a light and moving toward the direction.

Whatever caused you to fall into this situation should be thought about to keep from falling back. I wish you well and hope things get better for you.

There is so much that I can say to show what James says is full of contradictions. But, I prefer to just say hello James. Hope life has been treating you well. Or at least treating Him well?? Sorry, easily confused. My bad. Oops, I did it again. Guess I am just not that innocent.