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August 21, 2026 at 9:28 pm #460540
Thomas168ParticipantHello SereneWolf,
Are you religious or follow a spiritual path? Do you follow Buddhism or any other religion?
Just curious. I have found that belief in something helps one to get thru the rough times and uncertain times.
Rebuilding oneself requires break the old self down.
Usually, it should be a transformation from a weaker self to a stronger self.
But, one never knows how it will turn out.
Just keep trying. Wish you well.Tommy
August 20, 2026 at 6:07 pm #460525Thomas168ParticipantResentment means they are living rent free in your head. You are holding onto the emotions that the relationship had brought about. To be free from the resentment or being afraid of the next relationship then you must free yourself of the emotions that hold your memories. Once you are free from the emotions then letting go becomes easier. Soon after, you can forgive and forget. But, it is the holding onto the emotions that keep the memories coming back. Then they run rampant. The more you stay on this emotional trigger then the more it hardens solid. Making it more difficult to release. You can even call it ptsd. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Well, I hope you find your way out of this hole and live a good life which is the best revenge.
August 19, 2026 at 10:19 pm #460506Thomas168ParticipantHey Alessa,
All is well. Daughter is getting ready to go to College. Orientation is on Friday. Then classes start the following week. She is fearful of the next few days. Different school and bigger school and confusion as where classes are. So far, I just give her the ideas of what she needs to do and she finds a way to get it done. Very proud of her. Have to keep in mind that she is mentally disabled. Has been since she was diagnosed in preschool. She has to get the college to acknowledge her disability and get more time for testing. She has to work harder to keep up with the class.
My life? It is to keep everyone happy. Cook, clean. And whatever else so things go well. My wife is the bread winner since I retired. Social Security isn’t so secure. And no pension. She is also the reference to any medical or health issues. Yeah, got a family structure. Being poor sucks.
Got another song. “y outube.com/watch?v=nsHfeiGrFqo&list=RDMM&index=5”
The Sad Pacific. Came from a movie about two guys who grew up together.
If you haven’t realized, my wife came from China. That is why I listen to so many Chinese songs. When my wife asked me for American music, the only thing that could think of .. was Fleetwood Mac Rumours album which I heard in my youth. She wasn’t thrilled. Guess I got weird taste.August 11, 2026 at 8:26 pm #460276Thomas168ParticipantLiked, …
“Its funny how reflection can be two things at once: a tool for processing, and a Zen mirror simply noticing. It’s amazing that both can happen at the exact same time, as you noted earlier.”
August 10, 2026 at 7:54 pm #459998Thomas168ParticipantDon’t know the dynamic. But, being older has taught me that when people stop respecting you then it is time to find space between you and them. It doesn’t mean to end things. Just to find space to reduce the drama or trauma that comes from being together. Hold the space as a way of being respectful and not battling (physical or otherwise). Later when things cool down, just begin again as human beings.
I have siblings who are always right no matter the subject or whether they know anything about the subject. I just shut up and let them believe they have won. Winning is not important to me. I am grateful for things they might have done for me. And am willing to help them as much as I can. So, I just shut up. Peace is more important to me.
August 4, 2026 at 8:34 pm #459869Thomas168ParticipantHello Peter,
Sometimes the mind needs a moment to reflect and just come to terms with what happened. One can call that suffering the second arrow or the third arrow. Still, the mind needs to process. If after practice and all that training then maybe we can be free from the Karma that binds us to the rebirth. IDK. Just trying to live in the moment. That is why I think I was drowning in love songs. Now, it has passed and the next chapter comes alive.
I hope to see you in the stream entry someday. Where we might meet and be silent in our understanding of our lives. To know that we are made of one and the same cloth.
August 3, 2026 at 7:35 pm #459842Thomas168ParticipantHello Alessa,
This is strange that you should like these Chinese songs. But, that song is just off the mark for me.
Guessing it is missing that emotional draw for me.
Try this one, “y outube.com/watch?v=3P6uuUvEhAs”
It is called Norwegian Forest. It has a weird blues flavor to it.
And, it tends to stick in my head. Even though it is in Chinese and I don’t know what they are singing.Oh, I liked your post to Peter. Umm, not really bilingual. Just know a few phrases.
Enough to ask where the bathroom is. Otherwise, I use the international indicator.
My index finger to point at what I need. Shake my head when I mean no. LOL.What drew me to Buddhism? Wasn’t so much Buddhism as it was Zen Buddhism.
The Zen stories which highlight the mind’s understanding.
The way they illustrate the way we think and live our lives.
Meditation brings about a peace not found elsewhere in life.
Well, other than when one is immersed deeply in a single activityWhat drew you to Buddhism?
August 1, 2026 at 6:36 am #459791Thomas168ParticipantHello Alessa,
You actually listened to them?? Most people would just let it go since it is in a different language. When I first heard them, I did not understand the words but felt the emotion from the songs. When I went to listen to the music by the nun, at first, it was not to my taste. Then gave it a second chance and it reflects a different mood.
One which I wasn’t ready for. I learned Cantonese first and you would think it would help in learning Mandarin but it doesn’t really. My mind just doesn’t want to process Mandarin. I tried learning Spanish in High School. Didn’t take. I spent about a month in Puerto Rico but didn’t interact with the people there. To learn a language, it really takes using it daily. My niece learned Spanish. Cantonese, not so much. Weird?
No one else in my family is into Buddhism as I am. Strange how one can live in similar surroundings and still grow up with different views??
July 30, 2026 at 7:02 pm #459762Thomas168ParticipantHello Alessa,
Another song that I drown myself in is Starwish By Cecilia Cheung. Here is the YouTube video.
“y o utube.com/watch?v=qKb8oKwZMHI” it has the English translation. For me, I just listen to the song
And get the feelings from the melody. I don’t understand Mandarin. And not especially in songs.July 29, 2026 at 8:25 pm #459742Thomas168ParticipantHello Alessa,
“In My Song” is a little too new for me.
心太軟 (Heart Too Soft) is closer to the time which I courted my wife.
YouTube video with translation “y o utube.com/watch?v=xgKCRLS9ZS8”
I put in spaces to keep the system from detecting a URL.
And even then the song was a little old.
Richard Marx’s “Right Here Waiting For You” was a good one.
Cause we started a long distance relationship.
I would see her once a year. Finally married her in 1996
And she came to the states in 1999. Yeah, I am still in a mood.July 29, 2026 at 11:12 am #459725Thomas168ParticipantHello Peter,
Peter said, “I often wonder how the words – the world is complicated – have shaped my own experience. I suspect the world has always been the world and that my thoughts create the complications.”
There are two monks looking at the flag on the pole. The first monk says the flag is moving. The second monk says the wind is moving. The master says, “It is not the wind that moves, and it is not the flag that moves. It is your mind that moves.”
To me, it is the mind that creates everything in our lives. Of course, that doesn’t mean we should believe that there are no outside forces in our lives. Strange how we can believe that we have free will and yet there is such things such as destiny.
July 28, 2026 at 9:01 pm #459713Thomas168ParticipantHi Alessa,
Hope all is well with you. Thanks for you kind words. Will try to take your advice to practice more. Lately, I am just obsessed with listening to love songs. Some songs make me feel like my heart is broken again. Other times, the song plants a heart ache. A yearning for love. Getting pushed and pulled. Sometimes it feels good to drown in the songs. Songs that bring up memories. Songs on the radio and I just sing along. Never meant to memorize the songs but they just come pouring out.
So, this Tuesday night, please be in a good space. Please be healthy, happy and safe.
July 28, 2026 at 2:10 pm #459703Thomas168ParticipantHello Peter,
Three bows and a thank you.
July 28, 2026 at 9:23 am #459695Thomas168ParticipantGot no story today, just thinking about the Buddha’s thoughts about suffering. First, life comes with it hard hitting traumas. It is unavoidable. That is the first arrow. It hurts. We feel the pain. The emotional scar and physical one lingers. But, we continue to suffer more cause by fighting and reliving the first arrow. It may not make sense to live this way but that is how most of us are. I know I constantly remember things which I regret (either doing or receiving). It arises and I fight to let them go. I think it gives them more strength when I fight. Just got to let it go. Anyway, I know it is easier said then done. Life have proven that. However, I still work on myself and try to learn to do better.
July 28, 2026 at 9:06 am #459694Thomas168ParticipantHello Caroline,
I am sorry for the way life has treated you. But, I do want to minimize the trauma. I want to emphasize the rest of your life. There is still plenty of time to have a great life. You feel this way because you are stuck in the past. Moving forward is the only answer. I am not good at giving advice and often am wrong in my approach to things. But, if you stay stuck regretting life or just going over and over the past trauma then how do you live a good life? What lives rent free in your head?
Yeah, I am terribly sorry for all the stuff gone by in your past. Can you find it in yourself to forgive and let go the past? So, you aren’t the person you use to be. Why not become a better person? Make your choices for a better life. Okay time for the weird one (me) to shut up now. (
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