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October 12, 2026 at 8:58 pm #461532
Thomas168ParticipantYou will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you.
If words can control you then that means everyone can control you.
The power is in letting go of the words and sitting back with wisdom.
Never let go of compassion but not to let it rule you.October 11, 2026 at 7:11 pm #461493Thomas168ParticipantAnita said, “What I hear in your post is not you trying to control others. What I hear is you trying to figure out whether this friendship, as it currently exists, is a good fit for you. Those are two very different things.”
I believe if Annie7 asked in the title whether she should continue the friendship or end it then it would be about whether this friendship is a good fit. Rather, her title is “Challenging people”. Which has a different connotation. Yes, definitely two different things.
October 10, 2026 at 8:10 pm #461474Thomas168ParticipantThe foundation of suffering is wanting things to be different from what they are.
Do you tell her just how you feel or just grin and bare it?
Expressing how you feel means you want them to hear you and change to suit you.
If someone comes at you like that then would you change?
I believe very few people would. Only the very exceptional people would.
Do you accept people as they are or only when they agree with you?Then what about grin and bear it?
It means you hold resentment and hard feelings which will fester.
You just hang onto those things which irritate you and pretend it doesn’t bother you.So what would be the solution?
For a simplistic view, just quit trying to change people or let them affect you.
Accept and move forward. If you don’t want to continue with the friendship then end it.
If you want to continue the friendship then move past our resentment.
You can’t change them. Only you can change yourself, your feelings, your wants.In Buddhism, it is letting go. Letting go of the views you hold.
Letting go of the feelings or resentment and hatred.
It provides forgiveness and space to accept new events.
Happiness can then fill that space.October 5, 2026 at 3:46 pm #461371Thomas168ParticipantSome people believe love is accept me as I am.. But, that isn’t love. That is being comfortable.
Real love tells you the truth. The hard truth. The truth that everyone else is too afraid to tell you.Someone gave me half a peace sign. Really weird.
At the wedding reception, the groom made a speech.
He says to go stand by the person who made your life worth living.
The bartender was almost crushed by the stampede.October 4, 2026 at 5:56 am #461327Thomas168ParticipantHello Sleipnir,
Being bothered by this shows you have compassion. But, compassion without wisdom makes for a faulty combination.
Can you control the behavior of others? Can you fight stupid people?
If you want to insert yourself into their situation then that is up to you?
If you want the yelling to stop then you can make that request?
If the yelling bothers you then you can put on headphones?For me, Take a deep breath and try to mind my own business.
Can’t make another stop the yelling or change their behavior.
Can’t stop the other person from requesting orange juice.
Can request for peace and quiet but that brings up another contention.
When there is peace inside of me then I can share that peace with those around me.Just need the wisdom to go with the compassion to make changes in my life that bring about better life.
Hope you can find that peace inside yourselfTommy
October 3, 2026 at 7:43 pm #461309Thomas168ParticipantHello Alessa,
Judgement should never be left out. Well, that is what I believe. We don’t try to stop thoughts. We just stop identifying with every thought. We sound learn to live with the events in this life. And begin to accept whatever comes our way as the ripples in the water. It may move us but we can stay balanced.
Suffering is also linked to wanting. Wanting things to be one way or another. It may brings anger or other strong emotions. And then thoughts to support those emotions. It really takes on a momentum of its own.
Letting go doesn’t stop judgement. It takes crude judgement off the table. Letting go allows for other things to happen. It allows us to think the other person could be right. But, judgement keeps us from making mistakes of believing before understanding. Letting go gives us the ability to see more and to understand more.
I am sorry to sound like I am preaching. Never like to sound like I know anything. I don’t. I only know the sound of the quiet that blesses the spirit.
October 3, 2026 at 7:27 pm #461308Thomas168ParticipantLiked, “It’s interesting how different life stages shape the way we hear these stories.”
October 3, 2026 at 7:22 pm #461307Thomas168ParticipantHello Sleipnir
The longer you hold onto the memories and the guilt, the heavier this will weigh upon you.
This will make it even harder to let go.
The past and the memories make us what we are today
But we should not let it define us. To control us.
Whatever we did in the past was done with the mind of the past
This present mind is not the same mind.
The river flows and one can never step into the same spot in the river twice.
Life is dynamic. It flows and changes.
You are in control of today.One does not get rid of guilt. One learns to accept that life has given these events to live thru.
Then, to let it go and move past these moments.There was a man who lost his hand to Cancer.
He applied to insurance for a prosthetic hand but insurance said it wasn’t medically necessary.
Being an engineer, he designed and built himself a hand better than what was available at the time.
He did not stay on how he lost his hand. He did not blame the insurance company.
He moved one and went beyond the lost of his hand.We can’t take blame for the actions of others.
Holding onto blame or guilt doesn’t make you a better person.
It only hinders your ability to do better.
Holding onto the events creates the suffering which we so much want to leave behind.
Letting go and forgiving lets us move on.
It provides the freedom from suffering.Take a minute to stop thinking about the past.
Breath deeply and feel the moment everything is gone quiet.
No thoughts, no emotions, just here, now
That is where the real self dwells.Tommy
October 3, 2026 at 12:52 pm #461297Thomas168ParticipantZen stories are great for the mind to grasp the principles of Buddhism.
I hope you read more Zen stories.October 3, 2026 at 12:42 pm #461296Thomas168ParticipantHello Sleipnir,
You are wise to seek freedom from your past. Holding onto the past would only cause you more pain and suffering.
Forgiving the unforgiveable is really the only way to find the freedom you seek.
How do we begin? First, we try not to think of the past. Not to bring those memories up.
Cause it is like holding onto a rock. The harder you hold on then the more it begins to hurt.
When you finally let go, relief.Much like meditation. We are trying to separate ourselves from the thoughts that arise.
We aren’t trying to stop the mind or thoughts. We are really trying to let go of the thoughts.
Not to let them control ourselves. If we spend time in self observation then we can see how the mind works.
If someone says something to anger us then our minds will jump to justify the anger. The thoughts prop up the emotions.
So, we are letting go of the thoughts so they do not have a hold upon us.There are many stories or being hurt and seeking revenge. Revenge brings no happiness.
Cause revenge doesn’t erase the hurt. No one can remove the hurt you feel.
Only you can control whether that hurt makes you stronger or get a stronger hold on you.Buddha spoke of the second arrow. When someone is hit with an arrow, their minds continue to hold onto it.
Wondering where it came from. Who did it. Never letting it go. So, that is suffering.
Simple concept but so hard to accomplish.I hope you seek out a teacher and learn more Buddhism to help you release those thoughts and memories.
Live a happy life. Cause the best revenge is living a good life.Tommy
October 1, 2026 at 10:33 pm #461248Thomas168ParticipantWhen anyone holds onto an event or social interaction then it begins to fester.
The longer one holds onto it then the bigger it becomes.
Does holding onto the hurt make one a better person? Do it prove one is right?
Does this bring one closer or does it break relationships?So, will the apologies help when you hang onto the incursion?
I have offended many here and have made my apologies.
Truth is … They haven’t brought any peace.
Those offended seem to hold onto the offense like it was a badge of honor
Not, no, never daring to let it go.
And so the distance becomes wider.When does one learn the lessons of life and bring peace into their lives?
When will they begin to heal?
Will it be long after they have lost the ability to reach out to the other one?I have long ago learnt that one can not fight stupid.
One can not control others only what oneself decides to do.
So, in my heart, I let go of pain, of the events in life that hold me back from freedom
And wish others a happiness only found in letting go
Please live long and prosper.October 1, 2026 at 11:22 am #461242Thomas168ParticipantI was recently reminded of how life is, …
Was asked to pick up a pebble and to hold onto it. Like an event or something that happens to our lives.
Then asked to hold onto the pebble tighter. And soon there was pain.
So, the pain wasn’t from the pebble but from how we hold onto the pebble.
And so in life when things happen, we hold onto the pebble, the event.
The suffering comes from how we choose to hold onto it.
When I finally let go of the pebble, relief from the pain.So, I don’t know what everyone has gone thru. But, I do hope you can find a way to let it go
And free yourselves from suffering from it. Maybe even to overcome the pebble.
Whatever we did at the time was something that we did cause it was what we knew was best at the time.
Chasing and regret of past events are using today’s eyes to judge the past.
It does us no good to hang onto it.It just maybe a good time to let go and say good bye to the past.
September 23, 2026 at 7:04 pm #461108Thomas168ParticipantHey Peter,
Sorry, I am still confused. But after reading your response in the other thread, it is starting to make some sense. I am just thick headed. And slow on the up take. I only made it thru two years of college to get my degree. Lot of good that did. Did many things. Jack of all trades and master of none. Seems my interest in Buddhism and mediation falls into the same hold. Know enough to get along but not enough to become a master. Went from fixing copiers to fixing bowling pin resetting machines to maintenance (janitorial) to hobby of fixing people’s electronics (radio, TV, VCR, computers). Or anything else that paid money. I even imported stuff from China to resell. Been arrested and spent a week in jail. Met lots of interesting people. Really has been quite a journey. Maybe like my own tower of Babel??
Tommy
September 23, 2026 at 6:47 pm #461107Thomas168ParticipantHello Alessa,
Nice to hear from you. Yeah, my daughter’s spine is still curved about 40 degrees which is very bad. It is very noticeable when she bends over or sits crouched over. I bought a gravity bench so she could have time stretching her back a bit but she refuses to use it. The brace she didn’t want to wear to school as it would prohibit her for her regular routines. Doctor kept saying she needs more time in the brace. Personally I don’t believe it helped. It made breathing harder for her and the discomfort mad sleeping harder. It was lose lose. So, when her bones finally set, around age 17, she didn’t need the brace anymore. Idiopathic, they called it. Meaning there is no known reason. Still hurt my heart to see this. I try to focus on the positive with her. This way to keep her focus on the good things in life. Oh, loved the story. And I hope the kitty tree is a hit.
Hello Peter,
Just mentioned you and wondered how you have been. That was very creative continuing the story. Shows how we see the world is colored by our thoughts. Quite enjoyed your story. Thanks. Being able to laugh at one’s own foolishness is a great attribute. If I was able to do that then I would be laughing all the time. I am such a fool.
Tommy
September 20, 2026 at 8:08 pm #461048Thomas168ParticipantThanks for the well wishes.
The kidney stones, I believe they have passed since I am not having any pain now. I have been slacking off and not doing my meditation. Well maybe in a few days I will get back to a routine. Looking for something, a spark or something of interest. Anything to get me back on the cushion. Don’t know. -
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