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Thomas168

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 278 total)
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  • in reply to: How Do You Deal With Anxiety And Overthinking? #458356
    Thomas168
    Participant

    When one invest too much of themselves in their thoughts, the thoughts seem to be more real than life itself. June Bennett is right that the anxiety is caused by being focused on worries. And follows up with a method to change that. James123 over simplifies it but is also right. Alessa has the most compassion.

    To me Overthinking and Anxiety are caused by identifying too much with one’s thoughts. So much so that the those thoughts and stresses become a reflex reaction to life. They become the reflex reaction to almost any situation. The person must learn to control their thoughts and actions to change the reaction. Otherwise the default reaction is to worry. Begin by stopping yourself. Stop worrying. Make plans. Create action plans which lead you on the right path.

    in reply to: Zen Story #458354
    Thomas168
    Participant

    Hi Roberta,

    Formal practice? None before. But now, I would like to believe I am one a better path. Not the right one but a better one. Hopefully my understanding has improved.

    Every once in a while, I feel the need for a drink. Use to smoke cigarettes but quit about 22 years ago when my daughter was born. Use to have dreams of smoking. The drink just provides for a different mood. I don’t drink to get drunk. Just a little tipsy. At worse, once in a weekend. Not every weekend. Not dependent upon it. I have more of a coffee addiction than alcohol.

    Practice seems to come in many forms. First is the sitting practice. Spending 30 minutes each day just sitting. Then there is the practice to carry that mind set forward into daily life. Whether sitting on a bench waiting for the bus or sitting in a doctor’s waiting room, always be present. It doesn’t mean not thinking or the mind being somewhere else. But, being here in this moment. Not distracted by thoughts which pull one away from here. But, this practice comes and goes with the energy surrounding me.

    I too appreciate the forum for allowing space to talk to others of similar thoughts. And for being able to help others on their journey. Anita seems to be a moving force here. Very strong and capable of compassion. Of course this doesn’t exclude the others here who also help provide a warm space of hope. Shout out to those here with a kind word to spare.

    Be well and hope all is good for you and yours.
    Tommy

    in reply to: Zen Story #458316
    Thomas168
    Participant

    Anita,

    Please continue to do what you believe is right. It doesn’t matter whether you post in this thread or not. Just do you. And I will do me. And life goes on. We all have things going on. Some good and some needing more attention. Just disregard my past posts. I only mentioned it as a passing thought. Please do not get upset. You have done a lot of good here. And I don’t really matter.

    in reply to: Zen Story #458277
    Thomas168
    Participant

    Hello Roberta,

    Wow, that sounds so nice. People stopping by to hang out. Meeting relatives for day trip. Meeting new people for a kindness meditation, sounds ideal. When I see very old topics or posts, it makes me not want to post cause the topic is either too long or too old to be of concern to even the original poster. Sorry, that is just me. Then there is the fact that old posts push the new ones down and they disappear. So don’t even see the current posts. Then don’t bother to look for it. Still I understand Anita reasons for doing that. Can’t criticize or be overly judgy.

    Peace with my wife is like a tsunami at the beach. Tempers flair and then when it passes, the wreckage is vast. Later things get back to normal. Marriage isn’t all wine and roses. Maybe I need a drink. Haven’t had one in a long time. Oh, my meditation comes and goes with the peace in my family. Sometimes good and sometimes lacking. But, thanks for the well wishes.

    in reply to: Sexual past, regret and a new relationship #458178
    Thomas168
    Participant

    Mimia,

    My advice is to not say anything more about your past. It will color his profile of you and could wreck the relationship. Being honest? You can be honest by being present and showing your love (feelings). Be this present person that you are. There is no need to dreg up the past. The past may have helped mold who you are today but it doesn’t define who you are. Let the past go and live in the present.

    Your boyfriend saying he would not date a sex worker means that he is setting boundaries. If you love him and can stay inside those boundaries then live a good life. Don’t upset it with your need to let everything out. It won’t help the relationship. If you need to give a number then no more than three. First love. Rebound guy and this guy you have now. If you had STDs then blame on rebound guy.

    Am I telling you to lie? Yes. Why? Cause the only thing that is important is shedding off the past and living in the present. Don’t think of the past. Don’t bring it up. Strive for a better future. We all have regrets. But don’t let the regrets define who you are now.

    Sorry if you think that your guy deserves better or that you feel you need to expose your past to him. I don’t think it is healthy to let your guy think you have a sordid past. If you truly have changed then take this chance to live a good life.

    Tommy

    in reply to: Zen Story #458177
    Thomas168
    Participant

    Hello Alessa,

    Truly missed you. Was hoping everything is still okay. Hope your people are healthy, happy and safe. Yeah, daughter went to graduation. Helping her with transferring to a 4 year college after 2 year community college. All to finish 4 years of college and begin looking for a teaching job. Then later must complete her masters to stay a teacher. I am really proud of her. And I let her know it.

    The wife and I are in the aftermath of a verbal disagreement about who does more work. And of course, I backed down and apologized. I keep the peace. Doesn’t matter who is right. I just want peace. After a little while things will cool off. Life will return to peace.

    So, how is the baby? Growing up too fast? Day care? Do you read to him? Show him the words and read? Well, I hope all is good.

    Thomas168
    Participant

    Karma exist but it isn’t what you think it is. Karma is not an agency for justice. It isn’t what goes around comes around. Karma is action with intent. When a person does something with an intent, that is Karma. When the proper conditions arise, Karma will fulfill those actions and intent. It bring about the resolution. Much like planting an apple seed. An apple tree will grow. An orange tree will not grow in its stead.

    So when nasty people do nasty things, it creates Karma. Karma will find its resolution. What that is depends upon the action and its intent. It is beyond me to understand how those energy will find its way. It could be in this lifetime or the next. Or the resolution can be ten thousand years from the occurrence. Please understand that when nasty things are done, it attracts nasty things.

    When a good person acts with good intent, there are no rewards or merits. However, good deeds attract good energy. How it plays out? I do not know. That all depends upon the person, the action and the intent.

    If you are looking for justice then that is in the realm of men and their laws. And still out of my understanding and control.

    in reply to: Zen Story #458122
    Thomas168
    Participant

    Yeah, people get busy and come and go. It would be nice to hear from them and maybe get a few new voices hear. Still very concerned about Laven. Hope she is doing better. As I believe I said, I don’t think you are doing anything to disrupt the forum. Just that all the older topics and posts seem to rule when you bring them all back. It could be a good thing to raise them back up. Maybe someone needs to see a sign? I don’t know. Anyway, you do you cause I know it comes from the heart. Wish you well.

    in reply to: Zen Story #458115
    Thomas168
    Participant

    Anita,

    Please understand that I am not saying what you are doing is disrupting the forum. But, that it may have some unintended results. What happened to all the others who were recently on here? Alessa? Peter? Roberta and the rest? I haven’t seen any recent posts from them? Or is it that I am not looking hard enough? Anyway, time to rest.

    in reply to: Zen Story #458102
    Thomas168
    Participant

    I realize that Anita is a very special person here. She has helped so many people. But, I do have one small criticism. She has constantly been bringing back old posts back up. It has a tendency to make me think that the other current set people who are here are not being considered. So, they just don’t bother to add anything. Whatever they post gets drowned and pushed away when so many of old posts are pushed to the front. Why post if no one will get to read them? And the old post don’t necessarily mean anything to the current set of people who were here?

    I understand the reason for doing this. Not to forget these other people. To try to bring them back. Well, I don’t knowhow that is going. It just makes me just not want to post anything. But, that may be just me. So, I will take my negativity and leave. Maybe come back another day to gripe about something else. Wouldn’t want to do anything to make Anita mad at me.

    I personally wish you, all who have been here and replied to me, a great day and may all your wishes and dreams come true.

    in reply to: Zen Story #457931
    Thomas168
    Participant

    Oh, have you heard from Alessa?? I haven’t seen her post for a long time now.

    in reply to: Zen Story #457930
    Thomas168
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Nice story. Been busy with taking care of the daughter and wife. Daughter is going from community college to a four year college to finish her BA. Bigger college and lots of unknowns. Wife is working and looking forward to vacation time. I am just trying to be supportive.

    Hope you and yours are well and Bogart is behaving well. Can say much since things have been quiet for me.

    Tommy

    in reply to: Just thinking this Sun Eve #457929
    Thomas168
    Participant

    What would a dog trainer do in such situations? Rub the dog’s nose into the pee and then smack the dog with a newspaper a little?? Don’t know. If you try to sleep on the floor then remember to lay on top of a blanket or something to prevent heat loss to the floor. The floor can act as a heat sink and you might wake up not feeling well. Hope you find a solution to Bogart’s behavior issues.

    Thomas168
    Participant

    Interesting title. But not much detail to understand the reason for the end of relationship nor the job. If what got you into a PIP was opening your mouth then what was the reason for doing so? You did not like the wording or language used in the evaluation?

    An example for me was, a new night manager comes in and gives a big speech about how it is unacceptable to not come in to work even in the case of a snow storm. Well, the next snow storm, the manager did not come in to work. So, I spoke up in the break room. I said that the manager made a big deal about not coming into work due to a snow storm. And that he himself did not come in. Well, the next day, I get called in and yelled at for saying this. I knew there was no winning. No matter what I would have said. It would not stop his revenge. So, I quit after a couple of weeks. I could have escalated to the higher up and taken my chances. But, managers tend to protect other managers. I learned my lesson. Talk less and live to fight another day.

    If you spoke your mind and got shut down by your ex then probably the relationship needed some work? I did that once and I got to spend the night without sleep and apologizing for what I said. Admitting you are wrong even if you believe you are not. Well, life goes on. Hope you find other work and a better relationship. Just learn from any mistakes.

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #457300
    Thomas168
    Participant

    The goal of life is to not be afraid. Fear will come and take over if you let it. But, if we are present and open then love comes and fills us. Yes, emotions comes and goes. We can’t be loving all the time. Just like we are not hungry all the time or happy or sad all the time. Love can be like drinking a bottle of fine wine. It makes one feel good for a while but, there has to be a time to come down from the high. I do not like to hear one is afraid to meet a loved one. It sounds like one is full of fear instead of love. Focus on what makes her happy. Be light and happy and she will take the cue from you. Tell dumb joke. Some call them dad jokes. Ok, my advice is no so good. But, I hope the time you spend with her will be a bright spot in life.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 278 total)