Hi Pat,
What a wake up call for you to receive such feedback! It sounds you have something that is deep seated that is affecting your life negatively. Good for you for heeding that call and reaching out to ask for help here (See? You are already changing!). Have you considered therapy to address your childhood abuse?

Any changes of our behavior and response to the world around us takes practice, practice, practice. That rewires our brain, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/demystifying-psychiatry/201311/rewiring-the-brain-eliminate-fear.

http://blog.bufferapp.com/how-to-rewire-your-brains-for-positivity-and-happiness

Mindfulness and meditation are good tools in general that will help your life.

I wish you joy that is within Pat.

Metta,
Mark

Hello Pat.
Boy I have been there, I was also once very scared and would do anything to keep the peace and not to confront someone, it scared me so much! And like you , I hated the way I was living I felt weak, and like a doormat, so I decided to change. So many people would remind me of what I used to be that I could not change at all it kept on scaring me. But I read once, that when you are not comfortable with how you are acting, that means that you are not suppose to act that way. So deep down inside of you there is this confident , strong amazing person but you just have to find them. What I did was first I tried to decide exactly the person I wanted to be, all the qualities I would have, how I would look, how I would carry myself, and that worked really well , as for now I was aware of exactly what I wanted so that is something I would try. Try these exercises http://toknowthyself.org/know_yourself_in_seven_weeks/know_yourself_week_1 . After that I put steps on how I could be this person , i would search online for example , “how to stand up for yourself” “how to be loyal” “how to be confident” or sometimes more specific things like “what to do when..” that way I had all the tools I needed to become the best version of myself , I also wrote down a list of morals , principals ,values, and priorities just so I knew exactly who I was and how I wanted to react with everything I did try this out http://liveboldandbloom.com/free-starter-kit , it is an amazing free kit that really helped me because it has questions and a list of values . Next I would keep track of everything I did, from the way I acted to the way I reacted, I also made a list of goals to achieve and made sure I would do them everyday , even if it was something small like more eye contact I still gave myself credit for that. I would also always listen to inspiring things such as Joel osteen , even if you are not a christian you can still learn from what he says he is AMAZZING! just look him up on youtube and listen to one Sermon and you will be listing to all of them, he is so inspiring . Also I would listen to Ralph smart a youtuber who is also very inspiring, Louis hay, Oprah’s life class, and many more (all for free off of youtube) . If you just listen to them once a day for about 3 weeks you will see how your life will change into something more than you could ever imagine . Also I loved to do guided meditation for confidence, power, strength, happiness, peace and self hypnosis because they are powerful and it shows you how your inner guru is so strong . I would suggest you read ” I can make you confident” by Paul Meckena which comes with a hypnosis CD it was amazing as well and helped a lot. He also has I can make you rich, I can make you thin, and a bunch more which all come with CD’s ( my fav part) . Anyways I hope this helped! If you have any more q’s let me know 🙂

Hey Pat
Yeah it really makes sense at first I had no idea what I wanted to be like , I never really thought about it , all I knew is that I wanted to be someone I was not being at the moment. Well it took me three years to really have the courage to actually do something about it , because at first I was just blaming myself and trying but kept failing. But thats not how it has to be for you, once you make a firm decision to change, you will start to see miracles you just got to push yourself really hard and never ever give up , thats what made me really take big steps , when I finally told myself I HAVE to do this , and I choose to be happy and find the true me now NO MATTER WHAT IS IN MY WAY. remind yourself that you can be ANYONE you want to be all it takes is the right mindset and a lot of practice . You are already taking huge steps by coming on here talking about it and taking the advice you get, and I’m guessing you have been thinking you need to change for a while , so now its time to take those huge steps to change. You DO deserve it! Remember God made you the way you are for a reason , (the way the REAL you is , not the person you are hiding behind) , He made you have dreams so you could make them come true so it is obligatory for you to become this person so you can do what you ! You deserve it and the world deserves to know YOU! It was really smart of you to ask your friend to do that for you , that way you can see yourself through the eyes of someone that loves you. When it comes to getting people to listen to you , the number one thing you got to do is believe that you are worth listing to . Sometimes when we speak we forget that we have the right to talk and without noticing you might be sending that message out to people, afraid of what they may think of you or scared of their reaction to what you say, but what you got to remember is NO MATTER what you do or say there is always going to be someone who agrees with you and someone who disagrees with you. So why even care? They are going to judge you no matter what happens so just say what you mean and mean what you say ! Try to speak more clearly and loud I’m sure its nothing personal its just maybe the way you carry yourself infront of them? Try giving more eye contact and if they interrupt give them a look that says, ok I’m listening but I have something to say as well… Remember you need to believe deep down within yourself that what your saying is worth it. This is why you sit down and get to know yourself and every little thing about yourself , that way when you speak you are sure of what you are saying , it will come with time and practice but you will get there !
Let me know if you have any more q’s 🙂