Dear Hanachi,

You can’t end painful emotions once and for all, but you can learn how to cope with them. It is even painful to read of your suffering, but to deny the pain and look the other way would not help.

I have seen it many times that parents have put unreasonable expectations on their children, all the while making sure that the children wouldn’t have a chance to reach the success they’re expecting. I know this family. They’re very wealthy and the father has always been rather tyrannical. He has had his own issues, so he tries to control everything. The irony is that while being controlling and telling everyone how they are stupid, he has now created a situation where his children don’t have a lot of confidence in doing anything and they are the ones who will inherit his businesses. You can’t keep telling someone that they aren’t able to do something properly and then expect them to do it properly. It makes no sense at all.

You have a choice to believe what they are saying or to choose to believe something else. Try to look at the situation objectively for a moment and with compassion towards yourself and your parents. Mentally step back and observe. Observe the pain and the fear that has been caused. It is a tragedy and very sad that such things would happen. Feel compassion towards yourself and acknowledge that you are, in fact, loved. Allow yourself to heal from the wounds. That will not happen overnight, but is a slow process. In the meanwhile, try to protect yourself from further attacks. You could imagine yourself in a protective cocoon that other people’s thoughts and feelings aren’t allowed to enter. It’s your space where you are safe to be who you are. Take care of yourself in that space.

In another thread I just recommended the book The Four Agreements by Miguel Ángel Ruiz to a person who felt resentment towards her parents. I don’t know why it keeps popping into my mind, but it feels like a good recommendation in this case as well. What your parents are saying to you have more to do with them than with you. Try to detach from their words and see them as a reflection of their own problems. You don’t have to take on their problems.

Additionally, you do need to sleep and eat. Otherwise, you’ll not have a very good grasp over yourself and your thoughts. Treat yourself with kindness so that you can heal and deal with the situation.