I’ve done, and probably still do, something similar to what you are doing. I figured that one of the reasons would be that there’s this thought somewhere at the back of my head that if I go to the source of the pain, I can control it. If I can’t see it, or hear it, then perhaps it’ll sneak up on me and surprise me with pain. Of course, I never can control the pain, and the pain just ends up controlling me.

I remember this one thing from a book I read about abandonment, and it said that if you step on a duckling, it’ll start to obsessively follow you around (this was from some sort of scientific/psychological experiment). Unfortunately I can’t remember what the conclusion about it was, as I was reading the book during a time that was so filled with pain, that it was hard to focus. In any case, I can understand the obsessing part, even though I have no explanation for it. Other than the idea that one keeps friends close and enemies closer; to know what is happening, to be able to control it.

I’m sure it’s always more complex than that, but I just wanted to let you know that you’re not exactly alone with such behavior. I agree that you should definitely continue to choose the healthier option and keep the distance. Even tell him that you need some time and space to heal. Surely he’ll take good care of your pet, and you could focus on healing. It’s funny how we are fine with taking some time and giving care for ourselves when we have some visible ailment, like a broken arm, bad back or the flu. Yet, when it’s about a broken heart or injured soul or trauma from abandonment, we keep saying that we should just get on with it and move on. There’s no need to ruminate over the pain, but it is a good idea to pay more attention to how we treat ourselves and what we put ourselves through when ill.

Be kind to yourself.