Dear sister, I feel sorry for you for all the pain. I came from a family where there is conflict, I kind of understand how you are feeling now. I want you to know that you sound like a brave person.( like those having a spine of steel kind of brave..) Vanessa, to let go of what happened may be difficult, but my advice would be this. It may not be as easy as it is to say that everything will be fine if you forgive. But, I would say, recover and refresh your thought process, take it one day at a time. Focus more on staying happy rather than thinking of not being sad. By thinking and entertaining thoughts of how he treated you that way and why he did again and again, will only make you more attached to the suffering, which will form a cycle of disappointment, pain and anger. This may become a habit and thus, will become a samskara, will gain power to change your inner self, to modify the way you will treat any other relationship later in life. Break it, come out of this with will power. Declare to yourself the lesson you learnt, and propose your love and respect to yourself. Thank god, yourself and lastly your friend for the good things and forshowing you what you would not want in life. Surround yourself with things and people that you are comfortable with. Eat to your content, and get good sleep. Once your body feels relaxed, your mind will follow too. Meditate. Meditate not on thoughts but on a happier and healthier yourself. You will come out of this. I see the desire in your words you wrote. Take care.