VK,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and know how low we can feel sometimes after a struggle with an aggressive being. Sometimes when we feel low, generally unhappy with who we are as a person, we become vulnerable to other people’s opinion, give them the keys to our well being, and then despair when they fail to honor that gift. The healing comes, not from them changing, but rather from being more responsible with our own self. Said differently, VK is a beauty, but when that goes unnoticed, someone else saying “VK is ugly” seems to tear at us, harm us. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that its time for you to take your power back. If in was standing there, watching the exchange, you would not appear less in my eyes, his words would appear to spring forward from his own bullshit, and have nothing to do with you. You have nothing to be ashamed of, he does, but you have tried to walk a heartfelt path, and that’s clear, shines around you like an aura.

At some point, we have to accept that snakes are snakes, and when we dance close to them, we can get bitten. A stronger, more stable VK perhaps could have stepped aside, not taken it in. “Uhh, you’re rude, sorry, I’m done with you.” And walked away. Hey, listen to those birds singing! What a beautiful day! But, you wanted him to see you favorably, wanted things to work, and that desire gives him an in,even now. As though his opinions mean anything… reflect some part of you more truly that your own two eyes. From a different direction, if a three year old came up to you and insisted that the sky was green, grass is blue, would you think maybe that was true? Maybe you were seeing things wrongly? The same is true with him. He says this and that, blames, shames, grabs… but because he is weak, stuck, unable to bear the wright of his own crap. So he tries to offload it to you. “You make me mad”, nope, false. He’s mad because his mind is unkempt. “You’re unlovable”, nope false. Love is in the heart of the lover, and his lack has to do with him, not you. On and on, his baggage tries to become placed on your shoulders, and it is not yours, never has been.

What’s yours is taking his garbage in, knowing he is corrosive and getting close. Like willingly jumping into a snake pit, getting bitten, and becoming feverish from the venom. Now that you see it, though, you won’t do it again, right? Lesson learned, “VK deserves tenderness, kisses, not bites.” Well, some biting might be fun, but in a much different context.

Consider, now, turning away from him, his reflections, his baggage. Yes, it would have been great if he could have treated you with tenderness, but he didn’t, so its up to you! Time to be the tenderness you’re looking for, and become more gentle, kind to your heart. Consider getting back to the self nurturing that you did before getting swept into the love/hate passionfest. Go for walks in nature, hop in the tub, continue participating in exploring the world with like minded people. Your heart is stronger than you know, and will heal in time. As we self nurture, we offer our body and mind the space it needs to heal, find its balance, come home to the tender space of compassion and happiness inside us. When that is stable, a person yelling at you looks way different. Either “Wow, what a dick. Glad I’m not him” or “I wonder what conditions bring that kind of blabbering behavior” or “sorry, friend, this bullshit you’re spinning isn’t mine.” Etc. Not “oh no, he broke me”. He.did.not.

Finally, try not to hold too much resentment for the venom he offered you. His past is perhaps long and arduous, as healthy people don’t act like that. Get away, yes, keep away from the snake pit. But don’t resent the snakes for being snakes, that just how they are right now, the conditions of their own life, their makeup. Turn away, walk away, and their hissing becomes laughable. Like his heart is open enough to see you, reflect you truly… ha. If his heart was clear, he would lay his wand at your feet in honor of your beauty. His unwillingness/inability to do that has nothing to do with you. “Not mine” taught the Buddha.

Namaste, dear sister, may your clouds break, sunlight shining from within.

With warmth,
Matt