Have you ever seen how children behave when they get upset? They throw themselves on the ground and start kicking and screaming and pushing away people who try to get her to get up and calm down. Then if people walk away and say “OK, well you let us know when you’re ready to get up”, she will start crying and getting overly dramatic claiming that nobody loves her and everyone abandons her. That is kind of the emotional state of mind that you are describing.

You are loved regardless of how you behave, but it would be much easier for your own sake to learn some humility and accept the love that is offered.