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No Surprises…Please…

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  • November 3, 2014 at 3:00 pm #67274
    Kenneth Francisco
    Participant

    Its been a loooooooong 6 and a half years that this depression started.

    I find it like some black and white movie at times when im walking alone in a crowded street at night, or just
    wanting to be alone at times going around aimlessly around the city just to kill time. But I hate it…this mind of mine within the past few months ive tryed to commit suicide and had suicidal thoughts frequently, although I try my best to keep it in..it always finds away to come out…i dont have a family…really im just living with some relatives i hardly know, I try to open up to them but my mind always says “WHY WOULD THEY CARE ABOUT YOU or YOUR JUST BURDENING THESE PEOPLE…FIND YOUR OWN PLACE TO STAY” usually its silent on the dinner table…like awkward silent…Many times i would have a sudden shift in my mood and i dont know whats happening, one moment I would feel sluggish and grey, the next i would be very irritable. This went on and on for 6 years i dont know how to stop it..

    I have no plans for my future…might as well just accept whatever comes and goes..
    I feel like im a pig in a cage feed with antibiotics…
    im so tired unhappy…
    But this Guitar and Violin is quite handy when Mr. Depression comes to haunt me

    November 4, 2014 at 5:00 am #67290
    Steve
    Participant

    Hi Kenneth,

    I’ll try not to surprise you…
    I’m sorry you’re going through this torment. I wish it were otherwise, but it ain’t.
    One thing I can tell you is that I’m glad you are in my life…even if it’s fleeting. As one who has never been hit as hard as you have, your words are a learning for me. They mightn’t be nice to read, but I need to read them…for my own development. Sounds a bit selfish…but that’s they way the Universe has made things.
    I also suggest you re-consider sharing your thoughts with your “family”. It’s unfair of you to deprive them of the opportunity to both, learn about your plight, and to offer you help…or, at least, understanding. It may come to nothing, but isn’t it worth a try.

    November 4, 2014 at 9:00 am #67305
    lisa
    Participant

    Hello Kenneth,
    It saddens me to hear that you are having so much depression and feeling so unworthy.
    YOu dont say wether you are on any meds to help you feel better. Are you seeing anyone that can listen to you objectively?
    A lot of people do not know their extended families that well, but they being your blood relatives would want to know how you are feeling.
    What if the roles were reversed? You dont need to have any plans right now for your future, but what you need to do is to get yourself well and whole. Start with seeking some advice from a Dr. Have a physical to rule out anything and then see if you can have someone talk to you and listen to you. Starting on antidepressants might be helpful. There is nothing the matter with going on a medicine for this.
    Please keep me posted.

    November 4, 2014 at 3:44 pm #67334
    Kenneth Francisco
    Participant

    Thanks for all your sharing….im starting to slowly feel abit less loney, im thinking to visit a Dr. Sometime this month, although i should have went years before, but i always thought that i can fight this without medication, Tiny Buddha is a wonderful website for me, ill try by best to fight this depression..

    Thanks Ken

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