Dear cahath,
welcome to the club! :-)))
Please know that you are not alone, and that you will very probably be just fine!
This phase in your life feels very threatening: Many options have already closed, still there is no path carved out yet, and you have lots of things to decide about your life, and to reflect on the decisions you have already made…
You said you never felt this way before – I would say that this is a very good sign! I have struggled with anxiety and depression all my life, but a friend of mine experienced just the same as you: At the end of our studies she fell into a deep dark hole, but did not know how to handle it, because she never felt that way. In her case – and maybe in yours, too – it was a part of growing up, of starting to take responsibility and taking care of herself… She is great now, but much wiser and less superficial.

Be brave! Whatever you are feeling, it is there to teach you something and make you look at something! Bravery means to look at your feelings honestly and don’t surpress them.
Take care of yourself! Your job in the world is not to be perfect or to fulfill expectations, but to become yourself and take care of the person you are as if you were your best friend…
This is the part where you find out about yourself and about your weaknesses. If you accept them and are kind to yourself they will make you stronger!
And remember that you are not alone. Get help if you need it!

I wish you the very best!!!

• This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Kath.

Hey,

I know it must be very uncomfortable, but actually I would say in many ways you are very lucky. You are waking up! Most people are still sleep walking, if you don’t understand what I mean by this you probably will soon enough. It’s natural to react to such feelings as though they are bad and that something is wrong with you because this is what society has taught us to do, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Emotions are there to tell you something and you’re making good progress from what I can see. Meditation is one of the best things you could be doing in my opinion right now. From my experience, life for you will become more meaningful and purposeful than you could have imagined if you continue what you’ve now started.

Don’t worry about being happy all the time. Unhappiness is OK, in fact the real trick is to just accept it (fully). Emotions only really cause us to suffer if we resist them, stop fighting it, become OK with unhappiness and you won’t suffer so much, you will literally be OK with it. This might sound difficult but again meditation helps for this. Being scared is also OK and natural because you are experiencing feelings that are new and uncomfortable.

You are at the start of a wonderful journey, it’s just that the first part of it is very bumpy – just persevere, that’s really all you need to do.

Hope that helps,

Ben.

Hey Caroline!

I am 22, I graduated last year from college and experienced really similar feelings as you’ve described. I felt really overwhelmed with all the uncertainty I was facing, especially after having lived a very structured lifestyle in terms of academics and athletics. I chose to wait to apply to grad school because I want to explore a life without structure, and just freestyle my life!

I can really relate to what you said about feeling very alone. A year later, I don’t have life “figured out” by any means, but what I have learned is that it truly is so important to be kind to yourself and be patient with the process. A friend once said to me: “you are so kind to me, why don’t you try treating yourself like you treat me?” Do you treat yourself how you treat your friends? Why should you be any less patient or understanding with yourself? If your friend or sister/brother/cousin were going through this struggle, what would you tell them to do?

Sometimes I wonder, too, if when I’m 45 I’ll look back on this time and miss the days when I was anxious about graduating and figuring out what to do next. Sometimes I look back on college and say “man I wish I would’ve just relaxed a little!” and I think I’ll probably say that about this time in my life one day too.

You’re right – this time in life is SO uncomfortable. And anxiety and fear is very real and can be so debilitating. What helps me sometimes is to think of it as growing pains. Growing up hurts and is uncomfortable, but often the most uncomfortable times are when we learn the most. Sometimes a situation feels like the worst thing in the world but when it’s over you realize it’s value and all of a sudden it becomes something positive.

The fact that you are seeking answers shows that you are strong and wise. Much stronger and wiser than you know. Ben said it well, you ARE waking up! And waking up is painful but to be aware is the greatest skill we are capable of having.

Breathe through this time and trust the process. You are loved!!

xx
Rose

Hello sister,

You are really at crucial moment of your life. And it is natural that you might feel very anxious about your future. If you are thinking about meaning and purpose of life then it is certain that you might feel much more depressed, because answer to this question varies from person to person and it also changes with time. Therefore, I will ask you to stop thinking about it, because it is possible that with your current level of knowledge you might not get required answer. But it is also possible that if you will keep on moving then one day you might realise your own definition of life.

But I also know that it’s very difficult to tame the mind if it doesn’t get any satisfactory answer. Therefore we need a practical tool also along with theory to deal with this situation. Therfore I will advise you to look into “Vipassana” Insight meditation for your present problems. Only problem about Vipassana is that it’s very difficult and intense form of meditation in which we practice mindfullness of breath and bodily sensations in order to understand true nature of mind. Modern medical science really don’t understand true nature of mind and hence it’s solutions to psychological problems are far from perfect and produce many side-effects on the body.

I will certainly ask you to give this technique a try.
These courses are scheduled all around the year and have centres all around the world. Just find a suitable vipassana meditation course nearby your locality. You can get cenre info from website : “http://www.dhamma.org/en-US/index” . It’s the main website for course registration and they are completely free of cost with no hidden charges. The courses are purely run on donations by the volunteers and old vipassana meditators who have been benefited by the meditations.

Following are some other important websites and links about Vipassana Meditation.
1. http://livingvipassana.com/ (Blog on Vipassana by some vipassana meditators about their personal experience)
2. http://www.pariyatti.org/ (You can find lots of resources and free ebooks about Vipassana here)

Following are talks and documentaries on Vipassana

I’m certain that with Vipassana you can have much better control over your mind and one day you might get answers to your questions about life and it’s meaning. Because it will clear your mind and will make your mind calm. And with calm, clear and equanimous mind you can handle all the situations in your life in a much better controlled manner.
If you want any more info about vipassana then just search the web. You can also read my reply in the following post where I’ve again discussed about vipassana: “http://tinybuddha.com/topic/what-the-hell-am-i-supposed-to-do/”

My Best Wishes to you.