Hi Orchidia, I wish I could take that anxiety away. I have felt it too from time to time. Breathe…

Maybe it doesn’t have to be one or the other. I say this because I consider healing and growth to be a life-long process. I think there is a lot of healing and growth that can come from being in the “right” relationship too (even if it doesn’t last). And so I wouldn’t worry about whether it takes 10 years or not for the healing to “do its job”. I think your intuition is telling you to start taking better care of yourself now though. I think that’s an amazing moment of self-realisation. Trust yourself.

Perhaps start with baby steps, by taking each day as it comes and nourishing your body and your soul with the fuel and love they crave and deserve. I’m not just referring to good food but sleep, exercise, pampering 😉 Fall in love with you! Fall in love with life! I can’t guarantee any timeframes, any outcome, a happily ever after…no one can. But you may become pleasantly surprised at the opportunities that come your way while you are busy cherishing yourself, your growth, and the gift of life that is now.

Hi, Orchidia!

Yes, loving yourself first before loving someone else is completely true. Personally, I think that measuring the time of how long it’ll take you to accept and love yourself isn’t the right mindset. You must go with your own pace. You mustn’t rush a process that would, especially, make you a better version of yourself.

Accepting oneself is difficult… I can account to that since I’m going through it, as well. inner-peace is right! You should start with baby steps. I’ve read countless of articles here on Tiny Buddha and other websites about self-love. One of the things that I learned is practicing self-compassion. Treat yourself as your best friend, as you would with your other close friends. If your best friend was crying about something and she blames herself for what happened, you wouldn’t scold her for it, right? You’d probably hug her for a long time and tell her that everything is going to be okay. That’s how should treat yourself.

Don’t think about the clock ticking to a countdown. Just as inner-peace said, fall in love with yourself and with life! Have a healthy and long-lasting relationship with yourself first, just as you would with your future partner. Find happiness from inside you, not from other people or things. The good things always happen unexpectedly!

Sincerely,
IFLG 🙂

Dear Orchidia,

I think it’s extremely important to make self-care and self-appreciation your top priority. It’s difficult to give someone true love and affection when you have none for yourself, this often leads to jealousy and other insecurity-based pitfalls. However I think that loving yourself completely is an unrealistic goal, it is by no means something that you achieve and then you’re done with it. It’s an ongoing and fluid and fickle process that is not based on an outcome. The process itself is the outcome and it happens slowly and gradually. It’s also not a linear progression! Some days you’ll feel like you’ve got it down, and sometimes you’ll feel like you’ve made no advances at all. In my experience, finding someone who is also interested in their own self-care and who supported me in my self-work was a really rewarding part of your journey. Learning to love yourself and love another and be loved by yourself and be loved by another are all great things to have happen at the same time. Go forward with an open heart that’s willing to be vulnerable and willing to learn, even when it’s uncomfortable and painful.

Be brave!

Loving kindness,
Rose

Healing is very much an ongoing process. I would personally make that the focus since saying from experience I have brought my past hurt into a relationship and I wish I hadn’t. It’s not fair to you to carry that, nor is it fair to whoever you’re seeing.