Hi thethinker2015,

I can understand your sorrows and your situation very well because that’s exactly what I am facing in my almost 5 yr relationship. Yes, we also are lovey dovey for 2 days and fight for 2. I don’t actually agree with @Inky that the fight doesn’t matter. Because it does. At least in my case, I have seen that the fights are not just arguments but have serious issues. Actually, our so-called love, which I feel that it is actually clinging to our partner because of which we let go of these fights and try to preserve our relationship. I hope I am right @thethinker2015. If it is just as Inky said, then you can try the method suggested.

Actually, in the present situation, I see myself as a worn out partner who tried desperately for these 5 yrs to make the relationship work but not sure if it will in the future. I will just suggest some methods to make peace with yourself that I am currently doing. Don’t drive yourself crazy or insane for someone who does not value you for what you are. I know it is very difficult. But, collect the pieces together, and try to make a place for yourself. Respect yourself for what you are and value yourself. I am trying to do them. Don’t think about separation or ending marriage for now. First, calm yourself and start loving yourself. Dont concentrate on your fights or anything. If there are serious issues such as infidelity or violence of any sorts, or the presence of many red flags in the relationship, then you may need to analyse what steps you must be taking next. But, before all that, first look inside and see what is it that is bothering you, his habits, his manners, or some specific things which he does. See, if you both can have a proper discussion and tell him your feelings in an open manner. See his side of the story too. If there is anything that you need to change, change that slowly but steadily. Develop some hobbies or do something you love to distract yourself from the fights. See the possible options available. Connect with your family and close friends. Ask their suggestions too if needed. Then, when you think that ‘IT’ is over, then only then, take the plunge. Take each day slowly, I am sure that you will be a lovey dovey couple for not alternate weeks but years together.

All the very best.. 🙂

I get what you mean. You love each other and have happy memories that keep you hopeful but the bad is starting to outweigh the good. I’m not sure if ALL marriages and long term relationships hit this point but I know mine did. We could turn anything into a full blown verbally abusive fight which turned into us resenting each other. I wanted out but I loved him and part of me hoped we could somehow work it out. The fights became so frequent and we pretty much eventually started avoiding each other in our own home until one last fight tipped me over the edge and I moved out the very next day. Looking back now I see that maybe we should have given each other more space. My point is, sometimes when you are in a relationship for so long things become a bit boring or routine and this results in fighting. Giving each other space, time to miss each other and having new things to talk about, makes you WANT to say please and thank you to each other and brings back some of the happiness like during the dating stages. I think this would only be helpful if you BOTH have something new to do that way one of you doesn’t get jealous or take it as “they just want to get away from me”. Sometimes a bit of time apart is helpful. This sounds like one of those times.