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George

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 48 total)
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  • #102732
    George
    Participant

    Dear mochiyou:

    I agree with Anita. If a day gets bad enough sleep through it, if you can’t sleep through it do anything that distracts you from your problem until you are tired enough. Then sleep through your problem. When you wake up, in a relaxed mood try to find a reasonable solution to your problems. For example:
    What is a mistake? Something that we need to understand, certaintly not the end of the world. The fault, is my bosses fault, meaning, my boss is stress provoking to the workers in the company. I should ignore him and his insults. If he fires me its not my fault its his perfectionism! I should talk with my husband, he is forgeting why we married, to be happy, i need someone to support me, like i would to him in difficult times.
    This is an example of how you could handle these things with serenity.
    If your problems insist, maybe counseling for yourself or for the two of you together would help?

    I hope everything turns out fine
    George

    #98677
    George
    Participant

    Hello Sparkie

    You have been through very hurtfull situations and it seems to me you are carrying the pain with you, alone, for a very long time. Since this is the first time you are sharing your memories i want to tell you that the pain can stop and you can move on and be happy.

    I was adamant for years that I was adopted. With a bee in my bonnet the questions swirled around my head for years
    Aged 11 I sneaked into my parents room and read my mums diary (terrible I know, but I was 11!)
    It seems to me after all that what you did was not so terrible. You had a question and you were looking for answers. Is it terrible for an archaelogist to search for clues of his/her hypothesis in “secret” tombs or for the historian in lost documents? Of course not. In the same spirit, you as a child, was interested in a question deeply personal. It was the natural thing to do. Maybe the guilt you are feeling has something to do with the reaction from your parents? Or from their prohibitions(and don’t we all know, parents can be a bit too strict)?

    Aside from all of this, aged around 4 my uncle (mothers brother), made me touch him in a sexual way. I’ve NEVER breathed a word of this to anyone, your guys are the first. I’ve not even told my husband! This sounds terrible and painfull to bear. I have similar experiences as a child, of sexual nature, that i still try to resolve through psychoanalysis. I sympathise with your pain and i can only tell you this:
    Honestly, i believe a therapeutical relationship with another person will heal your wounds so you can free your self from torment. It does not matter so much the nature of the therapeutical relationship. I chose psychoanalysis for example because my pain was of past traumatic events and psychoanalysis was said that it could cure them. What matters is your resurfaced will to share your experiences and the fact that people are willing to help you be relieved of your burden. Human contact, in other words, is what important.

    If you have financial difficulties please try to find an economical way through healthcare or an mutual agreement with a therapist to begin the path of self-recovery. Also, please share any more information you want through this post. I will try to answer and give information or advice to anything you want, as well as, other tinybuddits.

    Take care Sparkie
    George

    #83771
    George
    Participant

    Dear AI

    It took me a long time to respond even if i read your reply a short while after you posted it. The reason it took me so long is that a lot of things have taken place in the meantime…

    Evil deeds are here to stay and if you watch the news (refugee crisis in EU, war in Syria) humans have not learned from their past. However there is good in this world, i can’t deny that, this means hope.

    As for me, i am the reason of my discomfort because i am trapped from the way i am thinking. That is why i am trying to free my self (a very difficult task).

    Someday if i reemerge from my wormhole, i will let you know about my personal journey and we could share a good conversation.

    Thank you AI

    Best regards
    George

    #79667
    George
    Participant

    Dear

      AI

      That is very unfortunate. I hope you will recover soon. Do not worry about me, i am astonished by the amount of effort you ‘ve put up for me! Thank you, do know however that you are not obliged to answer me if your free time is constrained.

      Best wishes
      George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by George.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by George.
    #78858
    George
    Participant

    Dear AI

    Your thoughts on my problems are kind and interesting. As you are injured, don’t push yourself too hard.
    Your english are very good, i will try to keep up!

    I am not practising Buddhism, so i can’t really embody your teachings while i see that they are life affirming.
    I have some objections however. While i understand that holding on to resentment is futile, i don’t believe we remain children through our lives. There is the concept of choice. I choose to be a better person, i even choose to ask for help when i am unable to cope with something by myself. There are, always, hard cases of serious neglect, abuse of parents toward children that leaves little room for rational thinking and affirmation. What i want to clarify is that where love and understanding is absent, little can be done by ourselves.
    However in the middle of this spectrum there are people who could ask for help, but didn’t. They choose to quit. They didn’t accept change.If no one is to blame, then why are some in pain, and some not?

    I am really tired, because it is early in the morning, i have stayed up late again. I am sorry for confusing statements tripping over each other.

    I ask you only this, because this is what burdens me… If you, or me, for example, were born in a country deprived from war and famine, or in a highly dysfuctional family filled with hate and violence, while, other people enjoy a happy life, or even if this family is not put on the best terms economically, at least in a house established by love-which to me and i assume to you is very crusial.
    Then, i ask you, why not kill yourself, in an act of revenge? In an act of protest against the evergoing injustice of this world? Even if i manage somehow to alleviate my consciousness and cherish life, will the evil deeds upon the world stop? In the end, do i sincerely believe i have no right to feel bliss and thrill among others? Dear AI, that is a fundamental question!!! And i don’t know what to answer. Does the bad in the world outweights the good in the world? Do i want to be a part of a society like this, only to hope things will get better?

    Have a quick recovery and thank you for taking the time to answer me, again.
    George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by George.
    #78744
    George
    Participant

    Well AI,

    I am glad you have things that occupy you and i hope you are recovering from your injury.
    As ΒenzRabbit said, i think my main issue is that i have not come to terms with my past.
    That being said, i have a lot of mixed feelings about my parents and about my identity (social, sexual).
    I am really sad and stressed because i used to be very confident about my identity and now everything crambles around me.
    I hope i come out of this in one piece. My main issue right now is not misanthropy but lack of identity.

    George

    #77131
    George
    Participant

    Dear AI

    You remember correctly. I remember your answer.
    “We are all beatifull flowers ready to blossom however if we have taken a lot of damage it is natural to take a lot of time to heal” summarising what you shared with me.
    So I waited, i talk with my psychoanalyst, i try to have patience but eventually i despair.I see couples kissing, i think that for example other people return to their homes, have a job they like maybe, feeling happy about life, and i said, when am i going to get that? Not hapiness maybe, just the will to live. Because all this time in therapy i try to adress the reason i don’t want to live anymore.
    I think that i don’t have patience with therapy is one problem. I am trying to cope with this. And the second problem is that i don’t have a support group. Real friends, because i always feel less around them, so i avoid them. As avvyk8 i costantly feel the need to prove myself. I know that it is difficult to help someone through the internet however just talking with people really helped me a lot. Because i miss human contact i guess.

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by George.
    #77129
    George
    Participant

    Dear avvyk8

    I don’t have anything to add really. I relate to your problems as much as you do with mine. Feelings of inadequesy, stuggling with my studies, living with my parents, loneliness, can’t enjoy my life. I am not the one to give advice though. LuckyLady recommends medication. Though sometimes needed, i had a traumatic experience with medication. A friend of mine started them and now thinks he can’t live without them. Which of course is not true. It can’t be true. Unless you are hallucinating! I chose talking therapy because of that. Luckylady i am only sharing my opinion of course. And by no means you are highjacking anything! If we can help each other, that is fine, however it may be.

    Avvyk8 i think there is a future for us. We will build it for ourselves,even though it is’t easy. As Anita said one step at a time.

    How do we know what feelings to let go of and what ones need addressing? you asked. Avvyk8 maybe the ones hurting are the ones you need to adress.

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by George.
    #77127
    George
    Participant

    Dear li.lily

    Thank you for replying. Well you graduated! Thats something! Trust me, i am struggling to get my degree, but since i dread human contact its not very easy. I am on my 3 year of philoshopy studies on UOA, Greece. The economy here doesn’t help either. I broke up with my girlfriend a year ago, still trying to come to terms with it and move on with my life. I don’t miss her its just that it was a really messy breakup, lot of hurt included. As for the job part i feel you. I feel ashamed that i don’t have even a part time job to support my self but i’ll work around to it, eventually. That is what i keep telling to my self… Hope you figure it all out!

    Take care
    George

    #77124
    George
    Participant

    What can i say. So many people responding to my bad feelings. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me.
    I read all of your posts carefully leaving sighs of mutual connection, sympathy and gratitude!

    I will reply to each of you in a single post, to avoid confusion.

    Dear Anita
    Thank you for your heartfull response. I stopped speaking with my father-and seeing him also-about 3 months ago after many years of, as you described, unmet pleas for love. In the meantime i searched for my father in the face of my teachers, friends, siblings. Until today, that i decided to adress this need. Still it is not easy to build a solid self from scratch. I am sorry i can’t share more with you right now. My exams are approaching and i decided to give them a shot… Despite being emotionally drained, maybe they will distract me for a while. And last but not least, of course i am happy for you Anita! I wish the very best for you. Despite me having problems to connect with other people, making friends(not just acquaintances) i am very happy when other people that had difficulties growing up, gathered the strenth and are building their lives again! This gives me joy and courage!

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by George.
    #77080
    George
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    Thank you for sharing your most inner feelings with me. I am 22 years old but probably i would be able to adjust to life and just live if my father wasn’t an alchoholic. This sickness he has took a great toll on me. I am saying this because there was a time i would beg for him to become well…but he didn’t…so i gave up. I remember thinking how much fun we could have had. He was afraid to change because he was, according to him, too old.

    You don’t know until you smile again how many lives your mood will affect! That is where i want to sum up. You give me hope to keep searching for answers. I am glad you are gaining control over your self and your inner critic! I hope i will too. I am glad that i shared my feelings about my sadness with other people.

    Self empathy is probably the most difficult asset one person can attain for her/his character…I think every obstacle is manageable if you are not too harsh with yourself. However just as you said,i have also putmyself down since i was a child.

    Look, i already feel a little better talking with you! I know it is not permanent, that magic is not included, but i am relieved.
    You say you have gone through several therapy methods. I am currently in psychodynamic psychotherapy and i like the talking approach and free accosiation (i think it is similar with dialectic therapy, as you mentioned). Hopefully i will see effects in the future, as you did…!

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by George.
    #77068
    George
    Participant

    Anita i’m working on it. In therapy i question these thoughts and try to understand how come i started thinking like this (i wasn’t always like this-at some point to my life, i stopped smiling).

    What is really exhausting though i’ll share with you. There are no magic solutions and the worst part is that i don’t simply have a depressed mood and i just have to endure the pain knowing that i will live again. I feel guilt about living and don’t find purpose in life. This is what complicates the proccess of psychotherapy. I could take medicine but i feel that i want to talk my way out of this. Just like crying yourself to sleep-talking yourself towards life.

    Honestly, sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is that i will love and be loved again.

    Anita, thank you very much for taking the time to listen.

    You take care as well
    George

    #77033
    George
    Participant

    Hope at this point is all i got. That i as everyone else am able to get back on my feet. But therapy does not do wonders and i can’t recover from one minute to the next. That is why the pain is so immense in the meantime.

    Thank you for answering you took away my loneliness for a little. I just want to feel alive again…

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by George.
    #75824
    George
    Participant

    Noname you can help yourself by asking for help.
    There are times in life that asking for a helping hand is what we need.
    You should give your self the opportunity to share your story with a therapist.
    I am overwhelmed my self with pessimism sometimes but i am sharing this negative feelings with my therapist to realise what triggers these thoughts.

    I am not saying its easy to fight what you are fighting but at least you can fight! You can say you tried!

    #75098
    George
    Participant

    Dear melon80

    Thank you for your kind words and wishes! I wish for you the same. You deserve them as well!

    You have realised that the way your father and stepmother treat you is unfair, and heart-breaking. They don’t have your best interests at heart but other people will(and do)! Your partner for example. How does he feel about this? Your friends? Do they like seeing you getting hurt? No, they want you to be happy.

    I agree with you, if it is not an emergency then don’t show up to accept all that criticism and manipulation. In fact, to ensure there is really an emergency you could contact a doctor at the hospital and explain him/her the situation asking to be informed when things are at deaths door for real!

    Some people due to distorted behavior cling to other peoples lives to affirm their life. That is why having the power to pick you up and put you down blinds your parent and stepmother to the hurt they inflict you. But this is not a healthy relationship at all…
    Why destroy something you created with effort where you live that pleases you for something that brings you pain instead of satisfaction?

    It’s a harsh reality that just because they are your parents doesn’t mean they have your best interests at heart
    I am so sorry, melon. Maybe they can’t help it, maybe they don’t know how bad they make you feel. Maybe they are empty emotionally or immature to care about yor feelings. I don’t personally know them but i do know that you want to feel healthy and happy and that is what matters! That matters. You matter.

    Beyond relatives, beyond strenuous social commitments lies our self, in the grass, grasping a big dose of air, wishing hapiness to the song of the birds on the tree branches. Wishing hapiness to come to us, like the song that enters our ears. And whoever wants hapiness deserves it. No one should feel guilty to enjoy life!

    I am sorry for this silly little verse, i couldn’t help myself!

    My best of wishes to you
    George

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 48 total)