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I want to share my despair with someone

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  • #77119
    Al
    Participant

    Hello George,

    I can remember replying to one of your posts once. If you don’t mind could you once more share and emphasize the main source of your suffering? It would help me to attempt a more specific answer. Thank you.

    Al

    #77120
    Abby
    Participant

    I will look into it. Is it addictive? Are there side effects if I decide to come off of it? How long did it take to effect you? Sorry for all the questions, I’m very open to finding an appropriate medication soon. Thanks for the info

    #77124
    George
    Participant

    What can i say. So many people responding to my bad feelings. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me.
    I read all of your posts carefully leaving sighs of mutual connection, sympathy and gratitude!

    I will reply to each of you in a single post, to avoid confusion.

    Dear Anita
    Thank you for your heartfull response. I stopped speaking with my father-and seeing him also-about 3 months ago after many years of, as you described, unmet pleas for love. In the meantime i searched for my father in the face of my teachers, friends, siblings. Until today, that i decided to adress this need. Still it is not easy to build a solid self from scratch. I am sorry i can’t share more with you right now. My exams are approaching and i decided to give them a shot… Despite being emotionally drained, maybe they will distract me for a while. And last but not least, of course i am happy for you Anita! I wish the very best for you. Despite me having problems to connect with other people, making friends(not just acquaintances) i am very happy when other people that had difficulties growing up, gathered the strenth and are building their lives again! This gives me joy and courage!

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by George.
    #77126
    LuckyLady
    Participant

    avvyk8,

    Not addictive. That’s why I chose it. Only mild side effects — like with some anti-depressants, which it is similar to. Made my head feel a little funny in the beginning. Google brain zaps. That subsided. I’ve been on it for about a year, so I haven’t come off it yet, though I did reduce my dosage with no problems. Unlike many of its antidepressant cousins, they say you don’t even have to taper, though I probably will when the time comes.

    Sorry to high jack your thread, George. Don’t know to respond to avvyk8 via other means. Hope you’re feeling better today. And glad that we can all try to help each other.

    #77127
    George
    Participant

    Dear li.lily

    Thank you for replying. Well you graduated! Thats something! Trust me, i am struggling to get my degree, but since i dread human contact its not very easy. I am on my 3 year of philoshopy studies on UOA, Greece. The economy here doesn’t help either. I broke up with my girlfriend a year ago, still trying to come to terms with it and move on with my life. I don’t miss her its just that it was a really messy breakup, lot of hurt included. As for the job part i feel you. I feel ashamed that i don’t have even a part time job to support my self but i’ll work around to it, eventually. That is what i keep telling to my self… Hope you figure it all out!

    Take care
    George

    #77129
    George
    Participant

    Dear avvyk8

    I don’t have anything to add really. I relate to your problems as much as you do with mine. Feelings of inadequesy, stuggling with my studies, living with my parents, loneliness, can’t enjoy my life. I am not the one to give advice though. LuckyLady recommends medication. Though sometimes needed, i had a traumatic experience with medication. A friend of mine started them and now thinks he can’t live without them. Which of course is not true. It can’t be true. Unless you are hallucinating! I chose talking therapy because of that. Luckylady i am only sharing my opinion of course. And by no means you are highjacking anything! If we can help each other, that is fine, however it may be.

    Avvyk8 i think there is a future for us. We will build it for ourselves,even though it is’t easy. As Anita said one step at a time.

    How do we know what feelings to let go of and what ones need addressing? you asked. Avvyk8 maybe the ones hurting are the ones you need to adress.

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by George.
    #77131
    George
    Participant

    Dear AI

    You remember correctly. I remember your answer.
    “We are all beatifull flowers ready to blossom however if we have taken a lot of damage it is natural to take a lot of time to heal” summarising what you shared with me.
    So I waited, i talk with my psychoanalyst, i try to have patience but eventually i despair.I see couples kissing, i think that for example other people return to their homes, have a job they like maybe, feeling happy about life, and i said, when am i going to get that? Not hapiness maybe, just the will to live. Because all this time in therapy i try to adress the reason i don’t want to live anymore.
    I think that i don’t have patience with therapy is one problem. I am trying to cope with this. And the second problem is that i don’t have a support group. Real friends, because i always feel less around them, so i avoid them. As avvyk8 i costantly feel the need to prove myself. I know that it is difficult to help someone through the internet however just talking with people really helped me a lot. Because i miss human contact i guess.

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by George.
    #77268
    anita
    Participant

    Dear George:
    How are you feeling today???
    anita

    #77511
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    George,

    Misanthropic feelings come from being ‘unloved’ and not understood !

    To be blunt, there is little you can do to change your father/parents and others !!

    Life is tough but it is never hopeless. Take small steps forward and the light will begin to come through.

    Please read this short article to get started – here is the link:
    http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Worth

    GOD bless !

    #78591
    Al
    Participant

    @georgev,

    How have you been feeling as of late? I am sorry for not getting back to you at an earlier time. In addition to an injury that kept be bedridden for 3 weeks I have been keeping quite busy with other things.

    I do have one more question if you don’t mind. What has caused you to obtain a misanthropic point of view? This would also greatly help. Thank you.

    Namaste to you,

    Al

    #78744
    George
    Participant

    Well AI,

    I am glad you have things that occupy you and i hope you are recovering from your injury.
    As ΒenzRabbit said, i think my main issue is that i have not come to terms with my past.
    That being said, i have a lot of mixed feelings about my parents and about my identity (social, sexual).
    I am really sad and stressed because i used to be very confident about my identity and now everything crambles around me.
    I hope i come out of this in one piece. My main issue right now is not misanthropy but lack of identity.

    George

    #78811
    Al
    Participant

    @georgev,

    Life, the universe, our existence, is dynamic. Nothing ever stays the same. Change is a constant. This applies to our identities and personalities. A person may be sure and believe themselves to be confident and positive in their moral beliefs, however, an event may occur and abruptly alter their creeds. This is true at all levels of our lives. Today we may hate broccoli but 10 years from now that may change, today we may be gentle in speech and manner but 30 years may change that, today I may hate my religion but next month my mind may have been opened to embrace it, etc…Our beings are constantly being tweaked accordingly as personal growth is a never-ending endeavor. By understanding and accepting this, we do ourselves a great favor as change can now be embraced and difficult predicaments can now be better managed.

    When a new and uncomfortable event occurs in our lives, one can definitely curse and yell and stress at this unfamiliar experience or one can try to keep calm and dwell on how this event occurred as to prevent it in the future (or lessen its impact as adversity is also a constant) and learn its lesson(s) to benefit our inner development. While true that the scale of the event influences our disposition, don’t you believe that understanding and making sense of the situation more valuable than disapproving it for our mental and spiritual beings? In fact, implementing this reflective method, also known as Right View/Understanding from the Noble Eightfold Path of Buddhism, helps assert peace in our mind as we come to understand the phenomena/events constantly occurring around us. You believe your identity to have been shattered, however, it’s highly possible it simply needs readjusting. If so, then simply go forth once again and reestablish your new likes and dislikes, your ‘funs’ and ‘boredoms’, your delights and discontents. Elate all beautiful events and experiences with the spirit of an infant and immerse yourself in their wonderment. For, do you sincerely believe you no longer have these rights? To feel bliss and thrill, among others? When I began in these forums I used to tell members whom shared similar hardship to yours that moving forward did not mean to stay in a stagnant, comfortable state awaiting answers but to continue exploring, experimenting, experiencing and discovering to increase the chances of a possible stimulating development to occur and render imperative metamorphosis. In fact, do try to view yourself as such: a butterfly constantly metamorphosing from one beautiful design to another. You’ve currently simply obtained a flat tire. But your engine isn’t dead. It still breathes, in fact, and presently running on a spare, awaiting to be refitted with a new one.

    As for coming to terms with your past and having mixed feelings about your parents, it is simply a matter of deep understanding. We were all young once, inexperienced, possibly brash and/or foolish, etc….including our parents. Some of us may never have had the proper guidance and influences to render us into ‘wholesome’ beings. Can a person be blamed for sexually abusing their offspring when they themselves have been subject to it? Can a gangster be blamed for killing another gangster when all he/she has known is this hostile environment? Can a North Korean citizen be blamed for hating America when they’ve been exposed to anti-American propaganda all their lives? It is the same with your parents, especially your father. Perhaps he did have a father who tried to teach him right, perhaps his father did not do enough, perhaps his father was an alcoholic, perhaps his father wasn’t around enough, etc..the scenarios are limitless. The point is, we must try to remain understanding to his situation. As you well know, the world, global society, does not do the greatest of jobs in cultivating spiritual and mental development in our most critical and receptive years. Hence, he cannot be blamed. In fact, no one can be blamed. We are all on this earth living our existence in accordance to our many influences. In this truth we therefore all remain entirely innocent. On this earth there exists no being who knows it all and is thus allowed to pass truly accurate judgment. Your parents, yourself and I along with the rest of the TB members will forever remain children of life; constantly learning and (hopefully) changing into better beings.

    There is definitely more I would like to add, however, my injury is beginning to aggravate me and I do not want to be distracted when helping a fellow human being. Perhaps I will touch more once you reply. And, per usual, I apologize in advance if I’ve made any grammatical mistakes. If something seems confusing, please be sure to let me know so I may clarify/correct myself. I hope this helps.

    Al

    #78858
    George
    Participant

    Dear AI

    Your thoughts on my problems are kind and interesting. As you are injured, don’t push yourself too hard.
    Your english are very good, i will try to keep up!

    I am not practising Buddhism, so i can’t really embody your teachings while i see that they are life affirming.
    I have some objections however. While i understand that holding on to resentment is futile, i don’t believe we remain children through our lives. There is the concept of choice. I choose to be a better person, i even choose to ask for help when i am unable to cope with something by myself. There are, always, hard cases of serious neglect, abuse of parents toward children that leaves little room for rational thinking and affirmation. What i want to clarify is that where love and understanding is absent, little can be done by ourselves.
    However in the middle of this spectrum there are people who could ask for help, but didn’t. They choose to quit. They didn’t accept change.If no one is to blame, then why are some in pain, and some not?

    I am really tired, because it is early in the morning, i have stayed up late again. I am sorry for confusing statements tripping over each other.

    I ask you only this, because this is what burdens me… If you, or me, for example, were born in a country deprived from war and famine, or in a highly dysfuctional family filled with hate and violence, while, other people enjoy a happy life, or even if this family is not put on the best terms economically, at least in a house established by love-which to me and i assume to you is very crusial.
    Then, i ask you, why not kill yourself, in an act of revenge? In an act of protest against the evergoing injustice of this world? Even if i manage somehow to alleviate my consciousness and cherish life, will the evil deeds upon the world stop? In the end, do i sincerely believe i have no right to feel bliss and thrill among others? Dear AI, that is a fundamental question!!! And i don’t know what to answer. Does the bad in the world outweights the good in the world? Do i want to be a part of a society like this, only to hope things will get better?

    Have a quick recovery and thank you for taking the time to answer me, again.
    George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by George.
    #79595
    Al
    Participant

    @georgev,

    It seems old age is affecting me for I have received another injury. I would like to ask that you please remain patient while I do my best to recover. I will definitely answer you. Please try to keep your spirits up in the meantime. Thank you.

    Al

    #79667
    George
    Participant

    Dear

      AI

      That is very unfortunate. I hope you will recover soon. Do not worry about me, i am astonished by the amount of effort you ‘ve put up for me! Thank you, do know however that you are not obliged to answer me if your free time is constrained.

      Best wishes
      George

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by George.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by George.
Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 34 total)

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