Hey Natty,

It seems like you experience a lot of need for approval from the people around you. I’m not sure the problem is that you don’t know who you are (a pretty airy fairy question at the best of times, in my opinion) but that you’re worried the kind of person you are is “boring”.

You probably are being a bit hard on yourself, and needing approval from others is certainly completely normal and not something any of us really ever drop, I don’t think. Maybe you just need to trust your own ideas a little bit more. Reading and writing, going to the gym and having an occasional night out with friends sounds like a fine life to me. If it’s not boring to you, then what’s the problem?

It’s OK to be unsure of what kind of person you are. In fact, I think it can be useful not to have too clear a picture of what kind of a person you are, whatever your age. You might find you’re different from what you thought, even at 26 (or 66). Also keep in mind you’re always changing. Those friends who are out clubbing all weekend now will probably not do the same thing ten years from now. And even if they do, they’ll have changed in other ways.

So being open minded is good. Just trying things and seeing how they fit is useful. But don’t judge yourself if something that works for other people doesn’t work for you. You now know that clubbing every weekend is not for you. That’s good to know, right? And living according to strict church rules doesn’t seem to suit you either. All right, that’s useful. Maybe there’s a different church that suits you better.

We all figure it out as we go along. Don’t stress it.

All good things to you.