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The Thinker,
What you are experiencing is completely normal. I applaud you for thinking deeply and contemplatively… The following are some insights I would like to share from my heart.
(1) As much as one has to learn to master oneself & be self-sufficient through meditation, contemplation, etc.. there is still usually a longing to connect with others. In my experience, this is just part of being human.
(2) We are all a MIX of introversion and extroversion… When a wave of extroversion hits me, I don’t judge it as bad but simply realize that I am currently feeling extroverted and my body is yearning for human interaction and experiences. I allow myself to indulge in this feeling unless I have some work to do at home — then, I meditate and refocus my energies on completing the task at hand. Notice, I attempt to be the captain of the ship.
(3) The world is generally a place of beauty and abundance. There is so much to experience on our short time here… On the flip side, you can’t see everything, do everything, taste everything, & drain every experience to it’s last dregs… people that try to see it all end up seeing nothing. For example, a tourist can rush through a museum with a Baedeker, walking quickly and attempting to see everything — but in the end, only leave frustrated and drained of energy. He has seen “everything” but truly experienced “nothing”. If he would have just took the time to truly look at a few paintings that he really liked, he would have left with a fresh perspective on life and perhaps learned something about himself.
(4) Lastly, allow me to share a valuable insight regarding the delicate balance of maintaining one’s personal integrity while interacting with others… In my opinion, other people help us to find out the meaning of life and our purpose… we discover something about ourselves through interacting with other people. Other people can take us to a much higher plane of existence. For example, I never would tried mountain climbing were it not for a friend introducing me to it. I would never have tried Guinness beer were it not for my mother in law.. etc.
(5) The flip side to this is that we must “know ourselves” to some extent so that we don’t get caught up in the sheep mentality and crowd pleasing… For example, I was at the symphony last weekend and a guest performer played Rach No 3 Piano Concerto very passionately and loud. When questioned, I stated firmly that I was blown away… This view was somewhat criticized by my friend whom is an accomplished musician… However, my view didn’t change due to this criticism.. I have a strong enough sense of self and was able to confidently stick to my opinion.. My friend and I laughed about our differences.. He mentioned something I didn’t pick up in the performance and vice versa. Both of us respected each other more because of the honest and straightforward debate.
(6) Another way to think of this — would you do better at Yoga my yourself at home… or at a YMCA with the correct mirrors, a trained yogi, and surrounded by motivated peers? Think about this…. Maybe try both and let me know if this experience reinforces some of what I’m saying….
Hope this helps..
Namaste