Hey Anita

I really don’t know anymore. I feel kinda neutral but then again I miss her and still feel empty inside, like a huge part of me is missing. I try to focus on other things, and have started learning about the stock market, but I don’t know. Everything I do feels like I’m donig to mabye be able to get her back one day, or if we ever meet again, she could see what a mistake breaking up it was and how much I’ve grown as a man. It just doesn’t feel right. That person takes up way too much of my time, and I’m starting to feel like I can’t get her out of my mind.

Yesterday I’ve spoken to a friend from the country I come, and we both agreed that this process is taking so long cause I’m alone in this new place and have no one to turn to. I know I could find new people to hang out with, but I also know that they don’t care about my problems, and that they probbably have stuff of their own that they struggle with.

Everybody is still saying, keep yourself busy, be happy, don’t worry, something better is comeing, blablabla, but I just can’t see it. This whole thing doesn’t pain me as much as it did before, but it still hurts and the biggest problem for me is the empty hole i feel inside of me. Like I said many times before, I really gave my whole self into that relationship and it was, I can say with confidence, my first big love. I’ve dated before and had girlfriends but that was nothing compared to this. And now I gotta find the strenght to continue, move on and be happy, but who should I share that with?

I’m really getting sick and tired of those empty and lost feelings and toughts I have. And I know that I sound depressing right now, but I really can’t help it anymore. Have no more words to describe it.