I’m sorry you’re going through this heartache. You seem like a loyal loving person and that is to be admired… Everyone gets their heart kicked around at some point in life.

That said I want to offer a few suggestions.
1) you need to learn to have firmer boundaries with people, especially lovers. Unfortunately people will often push them as far as you allow them to… In this case he strung you along to a certain extent which made the pain worse. You deserve better than to be someone’s backup plan.

2) you need to love yourself, you’re sanity, and the need for a healthy peaceful life more than this man. Is this really what you want out of your lover? Or is this slightly masochists behavior in the name of the ego?

3) if someone has issues you cannot be their caretaker… I dated an alcoholic and once and tried my best to care for them and change them. You cannot win. You will only suffer

To overcome this heartache I suggest the following
1) daily meditation. 40 min per day minimum

2) set a mini goal for yourself… Such as hot yoga everyday for 14 days. Winning at this mini challenge will boost your confidence tremendously.

3) break contact. No texts Facebook etc…

Best of luck

Namaste