May 25, 2015 at 9:37 am #77223ElParticipant
My ex and I were together for 3 years. We broke up 7 months ago. We are young and still trying to figure things out, plus he isn’t the best communicator, so all of that incorporated into the break up. Other than that, we were so close. We have a strong connection, and he was my best friend and my right hand man. When we broke up he told me he didn’t want it to be over forever.. He still had the intentions of having me in his future. He was dead set on being friends (not to cushion the blow for me because he knew I didn’t want that). He ended up gettig involved with alcohol and then wrong crowd and many other women, and I suffered from a deep depression.
We woud see each other once in a while. But then on February, things got very bad. We got into this huge fight. I stopped talking to him and he freaked out over that. After many desperate attempts of trying to contact me, he got ahold of my mother. Since then things have been moving forward, but at the same time they’re not. I’ve cut contact with him a couple more times because this really is hurting me. He freaked out every time. We say I love you. We hug. We kiss. We are kntamite. But I’m not a priority. Its not a commitment.
I have already come to the realization and acceptance that I have to let go. Neither one of us ever really let go and moved on. He tells me he wants me to go out and experience things with other guys like he got to with other girls. But then he wants me in his future because he can’t find another girl like me? He is very confused, and I understand that 100%. We were each others first loves and we have a connection like no other. But right now, things just aren’t working.
I just need some support.. Letting him go is so hard, but at this point I don’t have a choice. I know that that is what I must do. But I’m terrified that he will never love me again. I have to do what is best for me. From the little info I have given, do you think he will ever regret it?
We shared amazing memories. Close connection with not only each other but our families as well. Each others first loves. High school sweethearts. If you ask anyone, people will say that I was the best thing that has ever happened to him. He even said it all the time! He is a very troubled person and I stuck by his side through it all..
I guess I just need some comfort and reassurance.May 25, 2015 at 2:30 pm #77242AdamParticipant
I understand how you must feel about this. You must know that the pain this causes is necessary for you to go through in order to move forward and grow. Don’t block the pain or reject it. Feel it, accept it, and let it pass. That is how you let go. You will be amazed at how quickly things turn around.
We all have break-up stories and feeling like your heart broken is can be a beautiful thing. Having the ability to love that much is a blessing in disguise. Be strong, when feelings arise, just breathe and accept them.
See the positive that will come from this situation and be grateful for the experience.
Thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog and may be helpful.
Good luck my friend!May 26, 2015 at 9:08 am #77291AnonymousGuest
You asked for comfort and reassurance that he will regret this current behavior in the future and will love you in the future. I am not a fortune teller and I don’t believe anyone is. Who knows…? He has problems to resolve. He may and he may not and if he will- how will he do it is anyone’s guess. The closest you can get to knowing how anyone will behave is knowing how YOU will: developing your own self in such a way that you will be reasonably predicatable to your own self.
What do you think?
anitaMay 26, 2015 at 11:17 am #77313Christopher.mParticipant
I’m sorry you’re going through this heartache. You seem like a loyal loving person and that is to be admired… Everyone gets their heart kicked around at some point in life.
That said I want to offer a few suggestions.
1) you need to learn to have firmer boundaries with people, especially lovers. Unfortunately people will often push them as far as you allow them to… In this case he strung you along to a certain extent which made the pain worse. You deserve better than to be someone’s backup plan.
2) you need to love yourself, you’re sanity, and the need for a healthy peaceful life more than this man. Is this really what you want out of your lover? Or is this slightly masochists behavior in the name of the ego?
3) if someone has issues you cannot be their caretaker… I dated an alcoholic and once and tried my best to care for them and change them. You cannot win. You will only suffer
To overcome this heartache I suggest the following
1) daily meditation. 40 min per day minimum
2) set a mini goal for yourself… Such as hot yoga everyday for 14 days. Winning at this mini challenge will boost your confidence tremendously.
3) break contact. No texts Facebook etc…
Best of luck