At breaking point

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 5 months ago by BenzRabbit.

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June 13, 2015 at 1:55 am #78154

Katrina
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Hello, I hope I can find some advice that can help me through this tough time.

My partner of 5 years broke up with me at the start of the year and I’ve been struggling to cope ever since. When I lost him I lost so much. I lost my best friend, but also, I lost my only friend. I have spent the last few years investing all my time in him and his family and friends and now I don’t have any of them in my life. I am anxious, shy and very introverted so being in a relationship suited me well. I have always struggled to make friends and relax around people. Since he cut me from his life I have tried to help myself by going to meditation, volunteering, working hard and going to the gym. I feel like I’m doing everything right but it’s just not getting any easier. I spend most weekends alone and feel completely isolated. I have tried making friends but at my age (29) it seems that everyone already has all the friends they need. I have reached out to a couple of people but been left feeling rejected. My family live far away and I don’t want to worry them. I know I’m not the only person in this world to feel alone but it seems as though everyone has at least one person they can rely on. The last 6 months have been a nightmare and I don’t know how to help myself anymore, I really feel like I’m at breaking point. If anyone has any kind and helpful words I would really appreciate them. Thank you.

June 13, 2015 at 5:16 am #78156
Inky
Participant
Hi catrina,

You will make friends. You will also one day be in another relationship. But people are like fish. Hard to catch with a rod (time/patience/you go to them) but sometimes easier to catch with a net (when they come to you). What I’m saying is there will be friends and a loved one. Later/now/tomorrow/next week. Grab onto Faith more than Hope in this one.

And not to be morbid, but the people who would show up at your funeral/wedding, those are your friends. Including family you wouldn’t think of! Maybe reconnect to old classmates, people from your hometown, friends of the extended family?

Meanwhile, your job is to be utterly comfortable being by yourself. You can say, “The weekend? Oh good, I get to: read, go places, do things!”

Maybe set a date to visit your family? At a low key time (i.e. not holidays).

Good Luck!

Inky
- This reply was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by Inky.
June 13, 2015 at 8:23 am #78163

Anonymous
Guest

Dear catrina:
What if you lost yourself in him, in his family, in his friends… in his life. What if you can now find yourself… in you, in your life? What if this is an opportunity?
anita

June 16, 2015 at 3:33 am #78310

Katrina
Participant

Dear Inky and Anita,
Thank you so much for replying to my post. I have taken comfort in what you have both said and I think you are exactly right. I need to find myself and work on being comfortable and happy on my own. This is an opportunity.
Catrina

June 17, 2015 at 1:46 am #78368

Sharee
Participant

Hi Catrina,

Sounds like you are going through a really tough time. I agree with Anita and Inky, you are going to need to start learning to enjoy your own company and be comfortable with yourself. But we all need a network of loving people around us too. I think people love meeting new friends at any age. I’m nearly 34 and I know I love making new friends.

Going to the gym and meditating are great, but they are both quite solitary activities. Why not try some hobbies that get you mixing with people, like a group sport, a group art class or partnered dance classes like salsa or something? Also, is there a website for your area where people organize social get togethers? There are some for where I live and it is a great way to make new friends. I know it is hard when you are shy, but keep putting yourself out there and having confidence that you have a great personality and would make a good friend. Take a genuine interest in others too, that will help dissolve any feelings of self-consciousness and people will find it easier to befriend you.

Best of luck x

June 22, 2015 at 7:26 pm #78690

BenzRabbit
Participant

Hi Katrina,

I feel your pain – breakups are hard but even harder when you are not the one making that decision !

Sometimes, life puts us in tough situations where we feel all alone and lost but it is not the end of the road – it is your soul wanting a different/new path towards someone better !!

Do Not isolate yourself otherwise you will end up in depression – which is worse !!!

You are doing the right things – specially going to the gym/exercising – that is the best thing to do to keep the mind strong.

You will get through this – I pray your angels guide you forward.

GOD bless !!!!
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