Forum Replies Created
June 17, 2015 at 1:46 am #78368
Sounds like you are going through a really tough time. I agree with Anita and Inky, you are going to need to start learning to enjoy your own company and be comfortable with yourself. But we all need a network of loving people around us too. I think people love meeting new friends at any age. I’m nearly 34 and I know I love making new friends.
Going to the gym and meditating are great, but they are both quite solitary activities. Why not try some hobbies that get you mixing with people, like a group sport, a group art class or partnered dance classes like salsa or something? Also, is there a website for your area where people organize social get togethers? There are some for where I live and it is a great way to make new friends. I know it is hard when you are shy, but keep putting yourself out there and having confidence that you have a great personality and would make a good friend. Take a genuine interest in others too, that will help dissolve any feelings of self-consciousness and people will find it easier to befriend you.
Best of luck xJune 17, 2015 at 1:33 am #78367
I am sad to hear how your boyfriend rages at you. I think some good questions to ask yourself are: are you staying with him because you are worried you won’t find someone better? If he continued to behave like this and never changed, would you be happy? And like Anita said, how would you feel bringing a child into this? You deserve to be treated lovingly all of the time, not just in ‘the good times’.
Good luck xJune 17, 2015 at 1:27 am #78366
I’m so sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad about yourself.
Therapy and hypnosis are good for getting at core beliefs. I can also recommend a great book by Byron Katie called “The Work” which very quickly helps us to turn these beliefs on their head.
I know that our core beliefs form the lens that we view the world through, so if you believe you are a bad person, you are going to subconsciously look for evidence of this disapproval in your life to confirm your belief, and subconsciously filter out anything that disproves this. My advice would be to start looking for all of the evidence in your life that proves to you that you are a good person. You could start collecting or recording positive things that others have said about you, things that you are proud of or that you really like about yourself and remember times when you felt loved or accepted by others. The more you do this the more you will rewire your brain to think a new belief, that you are a wonderful person worthy of love and respect.
Even these posts are good evidence, the people here don’t know you but we all obviously think you are a good person who deserves help and support 🙂
ShareeJune 17, 2015 at 1:12 am #78365
Hi Rose Tatto,
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time.
Your boyfriend sounds very manipulative, and I think it is normal to feel angry over this. It seems like you are judging yourself very harshly for your outbursts, and while it is not ok to be violent or to physically hurt someone else, there is nothing wrong with being angry and expressing your feelings. I am wondering (though I am not a psychologist!!) if your abusive father has something to do with these feelings? As in, if you witnessed him being aggressive and violent perhaps you are subconscioulsy afraid of becoming like this if you get angry too and so judge yourself very harshly when you feel anger?
Don’t be embarrassed about it amongst your friends, people in your community who have any real insight or know your boyfriend well will see that he is a player and a user and I’m sure would not be judging you. Be kind to yourself, stand your ground and take your rightful place amongst your friends and let him go. I do believe the more you love yourself the more likely you are to attract a good man that will treat you well.