Dear Anita,

How thoughtful you are. I’m glad to be doing well in other aspects of my life. Thank you for your guidance, it certainly has helped me stay away from my ex.

Wow, OCD. If I may confide in you, I believe that I may have it. I have many things that I do in repetitions, and disturbing thoughts that drive me to keep doing them. I haven’t seen a doctor about it because I am scared. Worried about what it means. I fear that it will just escalate even more or that they won’t understand. Aside from my social anxiety, I also have general anxiety. I’ve had it for such a long time that you’d think that by now I’d be able to manage it.

“When anxious the brain is rushing. So even though you plan (as in your quote) to walk slowly to class, while you take that slow first step with your legs, your brain already is 100 steps ahead in a rushing mode and all hell broke loose already, on your first step with your legs.” This makes perfect sense to me. It really hit the nail on the head. I try to quiet my body, to take my time, but my brain is going 90 miles an hour, and the worst thing about that is that I can’t quiet it.

I had thought about getting prescription medicine to help me out a little. But I’ve heard of how addictive they become so quickly, it’s not something I want to mess with.

I’ve tried yoga before. However, I am not particularly flexible, and I become frustrated with the poses. I also have not been able to experience that mindfulness with yoga, regardless of how many times I try. I don’t understand what it is I am doing wrong. My mind refuses to quiet down.

I’m going to try to give yoga another chance. I really need to work on my anxiety because it’s so overwhelming. I want to be able to slow down my brain. That would be such a big achievement for me.

I think you are very right with everything you’ve said. However, my question is what other things can help me achieve the mindfulness I seek?

I’m not proud to say that for the past two hours I’ve been busy looking at my class rubrics, getting my belongings together and organizing my backpack. I tried my best to remember everything I would need for class, and since my mind is so busy trying to make sure I don’t stumble into the wrong room, that I have my schedule, ID, etc… Well I almost forgot to pack writing utensils, so as you can assume. I am very worried that I’ll forget one thing or another. I just want to cry, I wish I didn’t have to deal with all this worrying, it really distracts me and stops me from enjoying and living in the moment, but then I wouldn’t be myself, would I?