“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise Hay
When I was growing up, it felt like nothing was good enough for my dad. And all I longed for was his acceptance and love.
He had this temper that would blow up, and he’d blame me for how he felt. He would outright tell me his behavior was my fault. That if I’d behaved better, he wouldn’t have had an outburst.
When he told me I wasn’t enough or worthy, I believed him. I was constantly walking on eggshells …
“Empaths did not come into this world to be victims, we came to be warriors. Be brave. Stay strong. We need all hands on deck.” ~Anthony St. Maarten
From the moment I entered this world, I strongly felt others’ pain. Especially those in my house. They were not okay, and I felt it deeply.
Their intense negative emotions made me feel unsafe. I lived with my parents and my grandparents. Two generations of oppressed and abused women, whom I loved so much.
The men weren’t all bad. They were gentle, deep, and loving. But then they would switch into …
“You are one decision away from a completely different life.” ~Mel Robbins
At twenty-six years old, I lost my dad to suicide. I was heartbroken and so angry.
My dad was not the best. Ever since I was little, he would criticize everything I did. I was never good enough for him, and I was a place he discharged his anger through emotional insults.
It never stopped, and I was always on high alert around him. Right until the moment he took his life.
He could also be loving, kind, funny, and warm, but my nervous system could never …
“There’s no such thing as a ‘bad kid’—just angry, hurt, tired, scared, confused, impulsive ones expressing their feelings and needs the only way they know how. We owe it to every single one of them to always remember that.” ~Dr. Jessica Stephens
All children look up to their parents from the moment they enter this world. They have this beautiful, pure, unconditional love pouring out of them. Parents are on a pedestal. They are the ones who know what’s best! They are the grownups showing us how to do life!
We don’t think for one moment that they could be …
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” ~Jack Canfield
Freezing in fear is something I have done since I was a child.
My first home was an unsafe one, living with my alcoholic granddad. Once upon a time I didn’t know life without fear.
I learned young to scan for danger. How were everyone’s moods? Were the adults okay today? I would freeze and be still and quiet in an attempt to keep myself safe and control an eruption.
Unknown to me, between the ages of conception and seven years old my nervous system was being programmed. …
“It’s up to us to break generational curses. When they say, ‘It runs in the family,’ you tell them, ‘This is where it runs out.’” ~Unknown
I never even knew what I experienced was trauma. It was my normal. I was born into a world where I had to walk on eggshells, always on high alert for danger.
I held my breath and always did my best to be good and to not cause an eruption of my dad’s temper. He literally controlled my every move through fear. I agreed to anything just to feel safe and to please him.…
“There are two things you should never waste your time on: things that don’t matter and people who think that you don’t matter.” ~Ziad K. Abdelnour
“What is wrong with me?” I asked myself. Crying in the dark of the night. “Why doesn’t he love me?”
I’d tried to fold myself in all the ways I could to be loved and accepted, but it was never enough. I found myself repeating patterns of chasing men who just didn’t want me. Same cry in the night, different men.
The more I chased them, the more they ran away, and the deeper …
“When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.” ~Brené Brown
There was a time when I felt really sorry for myself. I had good reason to be. My life had been grim. There had been so much tragedy in my life from a young age. I had lost all my grandparents young, lived in a home with alcoholism and domestic abuse, and to top it all off, my dad killed himself.
I could write you a long list of how life did me wrong. I threw myself …
“There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who do not. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.” ~José N. Harris
Letting go of relationships that impact your well-being and make you feel unsafe may seem like a simple act for many, but for those of …
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start from where you are and change the end.” ~C.S. Lewis
It was a dark January day in 2008 when my auntie called with the news “He did it.”
I felt so confused. “Did he try? Or did he succeed?” I asked as my body moved into shock.
“He succeeded,” she said. And in that moment my whole life changed.
This was a moment I often wished for—my dad was gone.
Dad had taken his life on January 8th, 2008, two days after my twenty-sixth birthday. He …