4 Powerful Tips to Reduce Resentment and Feel Happier

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.” ~Buddha

Life is short. Time spent feeling angry or resentful about things that happened or didn’t happen is time squandered.

What’s that? You think those feelings motivate you and help you get things done? Hogwash! If you’re honest with yourself, you realize getting things done isn’t the end goal. The goal is to feel fulfilled and happy.

Accomplishments fueled by resentment and anger seldom contribute to serenity and fulfillment. More importantly, the moments you spent crossing things off your to-do list with a scowl slip away without giving you anything positive. They’re gone; never to return.

Resentment is like a cancer that eats away at time—time which could have been filled with love and joy.

Here are four powerful tips to reduce resentments and live a happier life.

1. Think loving thoughts for the person you resent.

You’re probably thinking, “You can’t be serious.” Hear me out.

What’s the opposite of anger, hate, or fear? That’s right: love. By sending only love toward someone, praying that they receive all the wonderful things you want for yourself in life, you’re slowly chiseling away at negative emotions that do you more harm than good. Don’t believe me? Try it.

Whether or not you believe in prayer, you can still set aside time during the day to think loving thoughts about someone you resent, wishing them good fortune and blessings. Say it out loud, “God/Buddha/Creator/Universe/Door Knob/etc.: please give love, health and peace to Lisa today.”

At first it will most likely feel awkward and meaningless, not to mention difficult. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but eventually you’ll notice where there were once ill feelings, now there is peace and love. And that you start actually meaning it!

A good rule of thumb for this exercise is trying it every day for at least for fourteen days.

2. Check your motives and expectations.

The best way to eliminate resentment is not to set yourself up for it.

For example, think about when people ask you to do things for them. You probably form expectations about what they’ll do for you in return. If there’s a hint of what’s in it for me, chances are you’re headed for some resentment.

This can be difficult to assess before taking action. If a friend is moving (again) and asks for your help (again) maybe you’re thinking to yourself “I better help because I know I’ll need it when I move next year.”

Next year when you move what happens if your friend doesn’t show up? Booyah!

When you give without expectations—only when you’re comfortable giving for the sake of it—you’re less likely to resent people for letting you down.

3. Be grateful.

A heart that is full of gratitude has little room for conceits or resentment. I utilize something called a gratitude list. Whenever I’m feeling stressed, resentful, or angry, I put pen to paper and write down at least ten things I’m grateful for in that particular moment.

It’s difficult to resent what you don’t have when you’re focusing your energy on what you do have.

4. Stay open to different outcomes.

The key to finding happiness is realizing that you already possess everything you need to be happy. When you realize happiness is an inside job, you’re less apt to place demands on other people and situations.

Reducing resentment takes practice and mindfulness. First, you have to become aware of how they manifest and why. A few summer’s ago I had the perfect opportunity to do just that.

I was looking forward to the first weekend my fiancé and I would get to enjoy our pool since we opened it for the summer. I had been thinking about this all week, planning to relax with a good book and soak up some rays.

Saturday morning came and we had to deliver a new paint sprayer to my fiancé’s son and his wife, who were preparing to paint their new home. Subconsciously, or maybe consciously, I knew a nice paint sprayer would save them time and ultimately get us out of having to help.

Upon arriving, we realized they’d already begun painting and didn’t want or need the sprayer. That’s okay I thought, at least we tried. Then out of no where my fiancé offered our help for the day! What was she doing? Didn’t she know the important commitment of lounging I had planned for today?

I could feel the resentment rising from deep inside as I visualized my lazy afternoon vanish into sweat and countless trips up and down a ladder. Being mindful, I recognized this and removed myself from the situation.

I found a quiet spot under a tree and sat to meditate for a minute. I asked for acceptance, guidance, and willingness, and sat there quietly and concentrated on my breathing. Then it came to me in a flash. It was simple and profound:

Years from now, what will I remember the most—the day I sat by the pool doing nothing or the day I helped my future stepson and his wife paint their house?

The choice was easy. The day turned out perfect, and I learned a powerful lesson about expectations. It’s okay to have them at times, but the ability to be happy and experience peace at any given moment is not contingent on how I expected an event to occur.

We all have the ability to manage expectations, change our state of mind, and ultimately be happy regardless of how we expect things will unfold.

Pretty cool and powerful I think.

About Jared Akers

Jared Akers is a writer and tester of the impossible. He writes, inspires, and enjoys helping people learn How to Be Happy. He's been developing a life of happiness with his wife for the better part of the last decade while sharing his journey at

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  • Spell Check Boy

    “I found a quite spot under a tree and sat to mediate for a minute.”

    You meant “quiet” and “meditate” perhaps?

  • Thank you! I missed those when editing. I appreciate that you pointed it out.

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  • hi Jared..a Q.should we still pray for the person who has deceived,cheated us? is it ok not to be attached to that person, so that there is no chance to resent or hate him?

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  • What a great read..something i really need to work on.

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  • Guest

     How do you give without expectations and not get taken advantage of?

  • Cheeky_tita

    Thank you for this beautiful read.  I love it your tips.  I was once in this state of resentment towards someone, although I have forgiven that person and have moved on I still find your tips of good use. I will be reading more for sure. Thanks heaps. 

  • Positive, that’s a great question. And firstly, I sooo apologize for not replying to this post a year ago. I can’t believe I didn’t follow this. My sincere apologies.

    I pray for everyone, and specifically those who have cheated or deceived me. That is mainly “if” I feel resentment towards them. Sure it’s OK not to be attached to a person, in my opinion. Again, these are just my opinions based on experience. But if I’m thinking about that person, giving them energy and time in my mind – whether it’s resentment, anger, or whatever, I pray for them. And always that they have all the things I want in my own life.

  • Thanks!

  • Thanks. I’m still working on it. 🙂

  • Ah, that is a good question.

    I don’t think it’s possible to give without expectation and get taken advantage of. That’s the whole idea of no expectations. You don’t expect anything in return so what happens (no emotional investment in the outcome) makes no difference. If I’m giving something, and then feel I’ve been taken advantage of, then my “giving” in the first place had conditions attached. In that case, I need to check my motives.

  • Thanks Lori.

  • Nico

    Resentment is in me every day towards a person I love more than he will ever know. And who I’ve given and lost everything to. Although different situations, your story hits home. Bookmarked this, I’ll be reading it every day for awhile probably.

  • J

    Thank you.

  • Eson Crist

    Try loving someone you hate? That is a tall order. What if we just loved ourselves instead??? I don’t want to give any positive energy to a person who produces negative energy. I would just be enabling them. Right?

  • SerialSeeker

    Hi Jared,
    Enjoyed reading your posts, make a lot of sense and the practical advice about how to cultivate some of the seemingly difficult habits is doable.
    I have been a regular meditator (which includes japa chanting also) for a long long time but the happiness I am after still eludes me. I can tell because the first time I was introduced to meditation about 36 years ago, I was feeling and performing at the top of the world for a good 4 months period. I have never regained that state ever except for a few and far between glimpses over a much much shorter periods.
    Is there anything like trying too hard in meditation? During the day whenever I try to bring my mind back to an anchor (like breath or japa), I feel guilty about 9 out 10 times because I am snapping back and punishing myself that I did not remember it to do it right. This or anything else I might be doing wrong is driving me crazy. How do I breask out of this mental stagnation? Please advise.
    The Serial Seeker

  • Baxx

    Hi Jarad, thanks for such a good read. I battle with resentment from a totalitarian upbringing. My father still stands by his methods, even though three out of his four children are now drug/alcohol dependent. My point is, letting go of the anger takes a life long commitment. I’ve succeeded shaking it in the past but it always comes back somehow. Not nice when it now affects my new family. All I want is to be free of it all! Your simple methods seem the most logical I’ve heard yet. I’m going to try them. Thanks

  • Deep Chauhan

    nice post Jared , but i think accepting our basic human emotions, learn from experience and moving ahead is better option instead giving labels to thoughts hate and love or praying for someone…. spirituality and kindness has great power but also we need to make practical decisions…..

  • saloni

    Hi. 🙂

    I don’t have words to thank you for this post has
    given me new hope. People around me have been treating me badly and in
    an unforgivable manner because it seems i no longer serve their purpose.
    totally brought me down and i stopped trusting people . This post came out of no where and totally enlightened me 🙂 Words do change peoples life 🙂

  • Kathe

    Thank you Jared! You’ve helped me today – and the person I was feeling resentment towards 😀

  • Arielle

    I wish my boyfriensd would read this and use it as a guide to help him w all the resentment t,and anger he has toward me. Its sad and im scared he will never get over it all and move along without the negitive things and we will break up

  • Matt Nixon

    Nice post. Food for thought. Thank you.

  • Anonymous

    Please read all of this, I really need your help.

    I’ve just turned 16 and I want to know why I’ve resented my dad my whole life while loving my mother so much. I remember when I was young (I’m sure it was when I was at least over 5) remembering how “I hated my dad”. But that resentment has grown even stronger; I cringe when he touches me – I genuinely feel uncomfortable when he touches me – I’d rather he didn’t. I can’t help sometimes when he tries to talk to me that I snap at him, somethings I feel bad for it, sometimes I just try and push it away and not care about it. I usually want distance from him, sometimes I want him around but rarely. I live with him and my cousin, you see. But it’s weird because sometimes I vaguely miss him and want him to come home, such as when he’s late from coming home – like really late – I start to worry that something bad may have happened to him. If I resent and hate him so much, why do I worry about if something bad has happened to him? Maybe it’s because of my own selfishness that I wouldn’t be able to live in the same house again, get the same money from him, or; not be able to enjoy the same standard of living that I have begin to get accustomed to since moving back in with him in June, 2012.

    On to the topic of whether he physically or mentally abused me: the simple answer is no – no abuse. However, he did “beat me” when I really got on his nerves when I was small, I was a trouble maker you see, and when I say trouble maker I honestly mean one of the worst so it’s understandable if he lost control and beat me lots of times. Whenever he did it though my mum would feel sorry for me and get involved and try to stop it. I think that’s why I love my mum so much and resent my dad. I DID deserve the beatings he gave me, I was, like I said, a very troublesome child – still am LOL. However, I can’t help but think if that’s the cause, since resentment is the indignation of having being treated unfairly by someone. If I did deserve it, then it was fair. I’m sure there were some situations where I didn’t deserve it – I think I can remember one situation where my dad came up and apologized to me – I don’t remember what happened but that he must have realized he was in the wrong. He always did apologize for when he beat me afterwards, maybe not immediately, but he did – not always though. But anyway, I don’t care about that; the past is the past.

    What I DO think is the reason is because I’m bisexual – verging on homosexual – if that makes sense – and the fact that I can’t be myself around him may have contributed towards my resentment at feeling trapped around him, because I do feel trapped. For example, I have friends – all of them girls – and I am literally dead embarrassed for my dad to see or know them in case he might think I’m gay – which I am. Whenever I ask to go out with my “friends” – whom he has never met and is obviously, as a father, concerned about who I may be associating myself with – especially being that I’m 16, and as a concerned father, would want to meet them. But I just simply can’t do it, it would be so awkward and embarrassing. Whenever I bring my friends over, my dad is never at home, I make sure of it. Otherwise, I just could not be myself and would retreat into becoming a reserved and shy person, definitely not as outgoing as I would generally be with my friends when he isn’t around. So yeah, I have “friends” – and that’s all my dad knows, pretty sad isn’t it? Sad that I can’t bring my friends around my dad? But the good thing about it all is that I don’t really want to, it’s not that I want to, it’s just that it’d be better for convenience purposes. Another example of my irrational behaviour is when I get phone calls from my friends. (and by the way; my friends are acutely aware of the situation between me and my dad, and we all assume it’s because I’m not straight and haven’t come out to him yet, but the problem is that I don’t understand how all that resentment and bitterness towards him could be just because of that?) So, back to phone calls from friends: I am so shy and embarrassed to answer phone calls or to talk on the phone to my friends when my dad is in the house and can possibly hear the conversation, possibly because what I want to talk about could “give away” my sexuality, which is something that is clearly not what I want to happen. And the fact that I have to decline or ignore phone calls from my friends because of him makes me feel trapped and annoyed – not necessarily at him, but at the situation – and I’d just rather that I can actually have a phone call.

    As you can already see, the problem – or shall we say barrier – for me to be myself is him. I think I’ve answered my question but I’d like your take on this as you seem so wise. What is causing the resentment towards my father?

    Oh, and just some extra details, I found out I was bi/gay when I was 12, but already ‘partially’ resented – or just didn’t like or get on with my father before that anyway.

  • Hi there,

    I just read through your comment. I will do my best to help.

    After you wrote the part about not being abused, I was surprised to read that your father beat you. In my eyes, that’s abuse. He used physical force as punishment–and clearly felt it was wrong because he apologized to you. And your mother tried to stop it, which means it must have been pretty intense. Even if you think you were a “bad kid” (which I doubt you were), you did not deserve to be physically violated in that way. In fact, it’s possible you acted out because you were being abused.

    Based on what you wrote, it seems like you feel like you can’t share your real self with your father, and you have to go to great lengths to hide it. When you add that to the abuse–and the fact that you’ve labeled yourself as bad and deserving of punishment as a consequence of it–it makes sense that you’d resent him.

    Have you ever talked to your mother about these feelings? Have you shared anything with her about your sexuality? Just knowing you’re not alone with the weight of all this could help a great deal. It might even help to show everything you wrote here to her or someone you trust (or a therapist, if that’s something to consider). It may take you a while to fully understand and work through your feelings about your father–but the good thing is you’re starting now!

    I hope I’ve helped somewhat.


  • Christian

    Am so grateful to this great man DR.OLOKUN who has brought back happiness to my life,At first i taught he was a scam,Because i saw a testimony about him how he helped someone in bringing back her ex within 48hours so i decided to give him a chance in bringing back my lover back to me who left me for 5years,So DR.OLOKUN said my lover will come back to me soon,So really when the 48hour was completed my lover Frank called me and said he was sorry and that he was ready to make it up with me,Am so grateful to DR.OLOKUN,Please in-case you are in need of help you can contact him on is private mail Gillian

  • Jonathan

    How can i change myself if i lie so much and feel so much resentment to them
    i have tried so much to change myself and it hurts

  • ariesfemme

    Hi Jared, first of thank you so much for taking the time and thought to write this relevant post. I agree that following the above approach would help curb resentment, but what I fear is that it might give people the impression that I am a pushover. What if they end up taking my good nature for granted? Isn’t it human nature to exploit any form of perceived or real weakness in others!

  • Kei

    That’s the problem I have, so when it says “WHEN” you’re comfortable giving that’s the key. Don’t ever be a yes man, it’s o.k. to say no. By the way being truthful about another’s weakness should always be done with love and ppl don’t ever like hearing the truth but they have to respect it.

  • kaless47

    This is good ….BUT…..#1 is not happenin…..

  • adriana

    Its hard to try this when your just so angry. Especially when you have to see this person every single day. It just gets me more angry and more unhappy. I want to forgive but everytime I think of it, I get even more angry than I was before.

  • yoyo_resentment

    I have two resentments: 1) work. i accomplish something and my manager’s manager looks at him (who did nothing but nitpick) and says thank you for a job well done. I delivered that damn project! 2) marriage. my spouse has done some things that equal ultimate betrayal, dishonesty, and a total lack of character, responsibility, and empathy. She wants says she wants to make it work. I just can’t forgive and forget. Let alone love again.

  • DD

    to be honest, after I read this and looked at your photo, I found myself really resenting you

  • DD

    not trying to be funny here, its just really sad and the fact that the few seconds of fleeting honesty I have about it exists in some anonymous message board of a website that I have NO IDEA how I got to.

  • Cara

    I would just like to say that Dr. Lee really does do miracles, my soulmate came to quicker than I thought he would. I would recommend her to any-one who needs help, and I will use Dr. Lee again for further work in the future. You can as well go to him if you need help. Contact him on his email address:

  • Anonymous

    You said that if you give without expectation then you’d not feel taken advantage of, but how about if you give and at a later date realise how by helping that person too much you had taken much needed time for yourself.
    I.e if you are revising for a test and a classmate asks for you to explain something and starts to continue to depend on you when she could have done like you did and seen the lecturer and got help from him . That way s/heis fullfilling the job they are being paid for you and you can focus in peace and reach your true potential

  • Good question. It sounds like you were giving/helping for the right reason, but then realized later that maybe you should have taken time for yourself.

    Part of growing emotionally, is allowing others to do the same. e.g. allowing them to struggle and learn along the way as we did ourselves. In the situation you mentioned, it’s hard not to regret the time spent and wish you’d spent it on yourself.

    It feels good to help someone, that’s natural, but I think it’s also a gift that you realized they may be relying on you too much and not seeking help themselves or from the lecturer. The part that struck me in your comment is that you realized this at all! That’s something to be grateful for and always remember that every single one of us is doing the best we know how in any given situation at the time.

  • I’ve always viewed my job as an employee, and boss, is that it’s my job to make my boss look good. And yes, sometimes that means they get kudo’s for something I did. But I can’t really control that and in the end have to have faith that my contributions will be recognized.

    I’ve also worked places where that was absolutely not the case! It was a very selfish environment and toxic for me so… after many sleepless nights and conversations with my wife, I walked away. That wasn’t easy but it was the right decision for me and everything seemingly “bad” in my life, taken from a learning perspective, has led me to where I’m at today and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    As for your manager, I’d suggest some of the exercises I listed in the article. e.g. send loving, positive wishes and energy their way. Yes… I know it sounds strange but really it works.

    As for the resentment with your spouse, I can totally relate! (at least in a previous marriage/relationship). In my case, I was a mess and pretty much manifested the things I feared the most. I had no idea how to communicate my wants and needs (because I really didn’t love self and know what I wanted) and thus felt betrayed when she left me.

    In any relationship, the most we can do is learn to love self first, then share our wants and needs with our partners and realize that their behavior towards us, really has nothing to do with us but them. It’s hard when you’re in a relationship, but we all grow as human beings and it’s important to be in a relationship where we can grow in a healthy manner, most importantly as an individual. And that means that sometimes we grow apart. For example, the person that I am today would never be in a relationship with some of the partners i had in the past, I simply would not allow myself to be treated that way.

    This is a passage from a great book called The Four Aggreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

    “In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself. And the limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit that you will tolerate from someone else. If someone abuses you a little more than you abuse yourself, you will probably walk away from that person. But if someone abuses you a little less than you abuse yourself, you will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly.”

    Best of luck to you and I apologize that it took me so long to leave a response.

  • LOL, I know it’s sounds crazy. And I can relate to that response totally!!! If it ain’t time then it ain’t time. Actually, my wife felt this way about another lady she was working with a few years ago. I suggested this exercise to her and she said, NO WAY!! So… I prayed for her and eventually, she did also… reluctantly. Amazing things happened in the relationship as a result.

  • Well said Kei.

  • Being a pushover is certainly a concern, but that would still suggest we’re giving with an expectation. e.g. that we’ll be loved and accepted versus taken advantage of. I know it’s REALLY difficult and at sometimes impossible to not have some form of expectation from giving. But as we love self unconditionally, we need less re-enforcement externally, thus we quickly identify if someone is being selfish in what we’re offering. I was just thinking of a quote also, not sure if it applies but it’s what came to mind here:

    “No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent”
    – Eleanor Roosevelt

    And as my wife often says, “we set the rules for how we’re treated.”

  • Most of my lies where in the form of either telling them things I thought they wanted to hear, or lying in an attempt to make them like me. I would lie about little things that didn’t even really matter! What I was doing was trying to control the way the world saw me through my words, NOT my actions!

    Once I learned to truly love my authentic self (it took some work) I realized that I could be honest with myself and others and still be OK. That I’m not responsible for others feelings (to some extent of course, I cannot say mean things) but then I don’t feel mean thoughts anymore so that’s not so much of a problem.

    The goal for me is to only give and receive love, that is what I wake up each day and pray for and practice. It’s not always the easiest thing to do, but if I come from that mindset (with love of self first and foremost) I have no reason to lie. Thus as time goes on, resentments towards self disappear.

    Thanks for the comments and sorry took me so long to come back here and comment.

  • Firstly, let me sincerely apologize for not replying to this along time ago.

    I feel for you and was too surprised as Lori that you said you weren’t abused but then described what I could certainly consider abuse. How confusing it would be to be hurt physically, and feeling that you deserve it and then have the person that hurt you apologize. Someone apologizes for feeling guilt over something they believe is wrong.

    And by the way NO ONE, regardless of what they’ve done deserves to be physically hurt… at least that’s my opinion because pain only begets pain.

    I resented my father into my adult hood for not being around as much when I was younger. He lived at home, but just worked (construction and farmed) so much that I rarely spent quality time with him that I remember. My mother taught me how to throw a baseball and all those things a father typically does. I’m very close with my mother also. We just “get” each other.

    Luckily I was able to emotional grow as an adult and work through many of those issues with therapists and counselors and was able to reconcile that resentment with my father before he suddenly passed away a few years ago.

    It’s certainly a complicated dynamic with a loved one that hurts us, but being able to share what you’re feeling (truly) with someone you trust (like Lori said your mother or Counselor) would really help I believe.

    You also mentioned that “If I resent and hate him so much, why do I worry about if something bad has happened to him? Maybe it’s because of my own selfishness that I wouldn’t be able to live in the same house again, get the same money from him…” I thought that was VERY interesting that you even thought about that, looking at your own motives for why you fear something happened to him. e.g. that you feel guilty for feeling scared that you’d lose something material. That’s completely natural and just a thought! It does not mean your selfish or a bad person!! We all have those thoughts, it’s just very introspective and emotionally intelligent of you to see that and share it. So thanks for that.

    I hope you’ve found some help in this area and things are better. I realize it’s been almost a year since you left this comment, and again I apologize for not seeing this comment sooner but thankful that Lori commented on your situation.

  • You’re welcome.

  • Thanks for the comment, means a lot. Words are powerful, thanks for reminding me. 😉

  • Harkness Jagan

    My resentment stems from not wanting to put myself in a similar situation that hurt me in the past. Sure I am civil towards the person and don’t wish them hate (maybe a distant longing for something, even just something they overheard, to make them realize they were wrong and to fess up to it), but the distancing myself and refusing to be put in the situation again stirs up those feelings of resentment. It’s either I feel resentful and stay safe, or abolish my resentment and risk trusting them again.

  • Harkness, you said something interesting in your comment, “It’s either I feel resentful and stay safe, or abolish my resentment and risk trusting them again.”

    We can only have resentments if our expectations aren’t met. So the key is ridding ourselves of expectations. So if we’re free of expectations through self love (in that we need less externally from others to validate our self-worth), then resentments are less likely.

    You said “risk trusting them again” – I’d ask myself what the betrayal of trust did to me? Meaning, did it make me hurt, angry, etc.? Then look at why I feel hurt or angry. Most often I feel hurt or angry because I simply don’t feel loved (unappreciated, taken advantage of, etc.). Deep down I somehow feel that validates the lack of love I have for self.

    I’ve found that if I truly accept and love who I am, very few people can really hurt me. And yes, it’s hard to not feel hurt or sad when someone breaks your trust. But remember it’s their issue, not yours.

  • Wonderer1

    I think more specifically what that individual meant was how can you be a good person without getting walked all over?

  • Deanne

    This is a really powerful article for me. I am trying to let go of some resentment built from years of being lied to and manipulated by my spouse. Our life’s together have changed a lot in the last few years, and now I am finding myself still stuck in the past. I need to focus on making myself a happier person and your article was spot on, exactly what I needed. Thank you

  • You’re welcome, thanks for taking the time to read and leave a comment.

  • babyface

    wow, a really powerful post! Just what I needed to hear! 🙂 but honestly I do find it hard to not expect things back from the people we love, especially when we realize we really need a shoulder in the moment. I get resentful wondering why my loved ones don’t offer it naturally and why it comes so easily to me to be there for them when they don’t ask for it ….

  • lost girl

    How can u wish good on someone who has caused u so much pain to the pont where the broke n turned u int someone u weren’t before

  • randomperson

    This question is just out of curiosity, it’s for 1#. What if the person you resent (who you don’t know/never knew and who you also hate) wants you to love her/him?

  • randomperson

    Or wanted you to love him/her.

  • Try it anyway, that’s the whole reason behind #1; even if you hate the person. I can see where that could be confusing; wishing loving thoughts for someone you resent, while also knowing they’re desperately wanting your love or acceptance. Wishing good things for someone to overcome resentment, is about changing ourselves but doesn’t mean we have to let them into our lives necessarily.

  • Al

    Jared…my Mother is with a man who supplies her with crack/cocaine. She is still using after 15 years. I was the only child. She still does not want to change. What can I do?

  • Al, sadly there’s really not much you can do. As someone familiar with addiction, I can attest to the difficulty in those situations, often we must detach with love. Meaning, we try to detach as much as we can emotionally to the addicted ones day-to-day behavior in order to stay healthy ourselves. Yet we can do that with love, unconditional love from a distance. As in there’s nothing we won’t do to help a loved one get better, while at the same time there’s nothing we WILL do that enables their addiction.

  • debauraslumpy slump

    Yes it is definitely OK not to attach to that person, in fact it is almost mandatory unless you can establish very firm boundaries. If not, cut them loose and pray for them in spirit. Talking from very strong experience. 🙂

  • Dr Narain Rupani

    all these sound theoretical solutions ,in reality its tough to get over resentment ,need some better options !

  • Dr. Rupani, yes it is tough, but takes action. Read #1 & #3 regarding actions, not theory. It may seem counter intuitive to set time aside to meditate or pray; thinking loving thoughts for someone we resent. And yes it may feel foolish at first, but it doesn’t mean forgiving, it’s not about them, it’s about changing us. In the past when I seemed unwilling to do #1, I had to revisit my motives; do I “really” want to be rid of this resentment? Am I getting something out of it by holding on to it?

  • desy

    I currently feel resentment towards my sister who is losing her sight!! Sickening I know, not trying to justify my feelings but for over 20 years she has brought nothing but problems to the family. My parents have not had peace for years cause of her. She has numerous kids one of which is being raised by my parents. She’s rude, ungrateful….im no where near perfect I’ve messed up so much. I don’t want these feelings I wish I could be free but its how I feel

  • terry

    I feel angry low self esteem and that everything is against me and i get myself in terrible moods everyday and my wife doesnt give a damn just tells me that i am alright and that it the same for everyone

  • Christie

    Another tip to add to tip #3 is to write down 3 things you’re grateful for not necessarily in that moment, but ABOUT that moment. Ex. when someone yells at you. You can be grateful they were chewing gum and didn’t have bad breath, that their eyes, shirt, hair, etc. was nice, that you’re in a heated office and not outside where it’s 30 degrees outside.

  • JayJay

    I didn’t even notice. I got so absorbed into the real meaning of the message and not that it was delivered with misspelled words. I guess I am a positive person. lol

  • Rachel

    Thanks for this article.

  • Gar

    Your post just makes me despair. I resent, I hate, and I don’t believe I can improve things. My biggest resentment is against the person I work with. He’s a young guy who doesn’t need much money and only works about half-time (or less), versus me, up to my ears in drudgery. Every day he comes in, hours after I’ve arrived, he works a bit, eats lunch, surfs the web, IMs with his friends, works a tiny bit more…and it’s time for him to leave! And I have hours more to go. He gets to be like a child, with no responsibility, and I’m the grown-up who worries whether the work will get finished. So I resent him, I hate him. And I think I always will. I’m so stuck.

  • Sean

    Because you can be a good person and still set boundaries in terms of how much you are willing to give… using your own judgement

  • Sean

    Perhaps you can seek out an Al-anon group support. Helps you accept and love those with addictions and surrounds you with people in similar situations to provide support.

  • Mongolian Russian

    Hello I just want to ask if I do this I’ll feel “happier ” ? I tried everything to keep calm and so on but, none of it worked I was abandoned, hurt emotionally and mentally ,bullied to the point of wanting to die so yeah even though as much as I avoid conflict it always follow me

  • Look at #1 above. Sounds hard to do I know, but it works. It’s obviously about changing you, not them. But in the process of practicing #1, I’ve found that the person I resent actually does change since my perception and expectations for them them change.

  • Christie! That’s a GREAT one, I love that. Will have to add that to my arsenal. Thanks for sharing that great nugget!

  • I’ve worked with people like that, but in the end I ended up moving on to a different job. Although I realize that’s not easy or even realistic in some situations. But sounds like he’s hurting you by the things he does (or doesn’t do). Yet you give him the power to do that! Again I’d recommend #1 above, I know it sounds crazy to think loving thoughts for someone you resent, but it works. If all else fails, find another job. And yes, you can think “why should I find another job when this person is the one who’s irresponsible and lazy?” But then also ask yourself, “how important is it?” I can guarantee you the person or persons we resent are not laying awake at night like us worrying about how they’re actions affect us. So who’s really hurting who? I’m hurting myself, not this lazy person. 🙂

  • I can relate, even to the wanting to die part. I had a therapist actually tell me one time I suffered from “conflict avoidance.” Which I see now as basically not knowing, or loving myself enough to stand up for what I felt was right and loving for me. I didn’t love myself, so I allowed others to treat me bad, then resented them for it. I practice all the things in this article, especially #1, and although I do feel happy the majority of my life, it’s the contentment that I feel in quiet times that is the biggest gift of all. But that came from a lot of work on learning to love and accept myself; not just the things in this article. I’m sorry you’ve been bullied, emotionally hurt, and abandoned. People can do very harmful things to one another. All we can do is learn to be loving to ourselves, then (from my experience) we attract similar people.

  • Purphoros

    I don’t see how it is possible to wish good for someone who has done only or mainly bad things to you, without being dishonest. How can I send positive feelings to someone when I know that person does not deserve it? This whole approach might be useful if you are good at lying to yourself, but there is no way it can work if you are honest about what you really feel.

    And that last point about seeing the good in what happened to you, good luck when there is no good side to something. Hah, can you imagine to tell a rape victim that “maybe you didn’t want it, but hey, you got fucked, and it wasn’t that bad, eh?”

    All these techniques on the web teach how to analyze and be aware of the roots of resentment, but why is it that none of them has any sound advice when it comes to letting go what you have become aware of? All they teach is to ignore or compartmentalize them some how, and the same is done here.

  • Friday Graveyard

    Most sound comment here

  • I’ve asked the same questions as you, still do at times;
    “how can I wish good for someone that’s hurt me?”

    For me, the question was really; what is the alternative?
    Let it just keep eating me up inside, hurting me more and more? I can either
    take some action by changing my attitude and feelings towards someone through
    meditation, prayer, or any other suggested means and thinking positive thoughts
    about them (whether I believe they’re forgivable or not) or continue to let it
    eat me away. Forgiveness is for me, not for them and it certainly doesn’t mean
    what they did is right.

    My thoughts or prayers may even consist of “this guy is a
    real pr$ck, but bless him and change me.” Over time, the venom towards them
    becomes less and less. It only works if I’m willing to get rid of it. And even if I “think” I want the resentment gone; I have to ask myself, am I subconsciously getting something out of it?

    Regardless of what others have done to me, and I’ve had some
    bad things done to me, it’s my choice to remain a victim and harbor hate and
    resentment. Even if I’m justified in my anger; like someone abusing me
    physically. As long as I’m in a victim mentality I’m not healing.

    There’s nothing mentioned in this article about ignoring and
    compartmentalizing resentment. There are some actions listed though; prayer,
    meditation, writing a gratitude list. Everything is theory until put into
    practice. I’ve had many therapists and paid professionals suggest some of
    these same techniques for years to me. But I never listened because I was still
    getting a “pay off” out of the resentment; justification for my crappy life.

    The cold hard truth, for me, was until I accepted my responsibility
    in my own resentments and attitude towards life and others, I wasn’t going to
    heal or get any better.

  • Purphoros

    Try less blind faith and more logic, please. The former is not a thing I am susceptible to. In fact, it is an insult in my eyes. If you don’t have a method to achieve forgiveness through your own means, then you don’t have one at all.

    Repeating the points as if I did not understand them instead of actually addressing the inconsistencies I mentioned is another one of those insults. Now, let me return the favor.

    “Try it anyway” Is exactly one of the points I am criticizing. The whole point is that if you have to force yourself to wish someone good, even for your own sake, it is nothing but a lie. You only wish yourself good, not them. By pretending you wish them good, you are lying to yourself. Truly wishing someone well can only happen after forgiveness has happened, but you try to sell it as a method to achieve forgiveness. That is completely backwards. Skipping the process of actual forgiveness leaves a gap that has to be crossed by ignorance. Ignoring your feeling is a lot like ignoring a debt. It won’t go away. It will only get worse.

    “What is the alternative” Well, any alternative is better than lying to yourself. That will never do anything more than cover things up, it will never help to truly get rid of them. You can only pretend it did. And sooner or later you will run out of endurance to keep the act up, the mask will drop, and everything will return even worse than it was before. Just because it is the only option you can think of, doesn’t mean it’s any good.

    I will overlook that nasty “justification for your crappy life” line and what it insinuates, along with your “mental victim” crap. I don’t think you are even aware what you were saying there. It is not relevant to what I said anyway. One might wonder why you brought it up in the first place. One might even suspect an attempt at slander and manipulation. But as I said, I think you are just repeating it without really understanding the implications so I won’t hold it against you.

    Finally, if I have to point out to you where the article is suggesting ignorance, then you have learned that skill very well already. Good job.

  • I think we both agree that reducing resentments may be difficult and apologize for anything I said that insinuated anything. I try to share from my own experiences and through that voice.

    You said, “Truly wishing someone well can only happen after forgiveness has happened, but you try to sell it as a method to achieve forgiveness. That is completely backwards. Skipping the process of actual forgiveness leaves a gap that has to be crossed by ignorance. Ignoring your feeling is a lot like ignoring a debt. It won’t go away. It will only get worse.”

    That’s really a great point. And I completely embrace and agree that ignoring feelings is never the way to go! (unless maybe it’s part of a coping mechanism that could be a better alternative to something else) But left that way… like debt is not good! Ignoring my feelings is what got me into a spiritual and emotional mess years ago.

    And that the process is backwards, wishing someone well before forgiveness, is very interesting as well. As I would agree looking at it now and from your points, that it seems inauthentic at best and see your point that it’s lying to oneself. I do know that this practice has helped me many times, and honestly feel that I’ve forgiven through the process. And certainly don’t suggest it’s the only way to forgiveness. But as you mentioned, that lying to oneself as a process to forgiveness does seem wrong. So you’ve certainly made me think about that. Thank you.

    The process I talk about in the article is to reduce resentments. In my response or dialog I’ve suggested that reducing resentments and forgiveness are the same thing; not sure if they are and hope I’ve not made light of anyone’s path to forgiveness.

    I’m not trying to insinuate or insult, just putting some definitions here for reference and thought….

    Resentment: bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.

    Forgiveness: is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

    Probably another discussion, but the very interesting part of that definition of forgiveness is “intentional and voluntary process.” So however we get there, it’s voluntary and intentional.

    Thanks for sharing your position, I’ve grown from hearing you point of view and experience.

  • MKW

    Hello Jared,

    I read your article and appreciate what you said. Thank you. I have a special needs child and I must be honest–I feel angry and resentful a lot of the time because he has such a low level of communication. I have to guess why he is acting up when he does and I’ve asked him questions (have been for years) that never get answered… And sometimes I just run of energy trying to figure things out. He either doesn’t understand or does and doesn’t know how to respond. I feel I don’t fully know my child and I hear other parents chatting with their kids in the grocery store, department stores, etc. and I get really resentful and angry. I don’t blame him, he didn’t ask for this. I blame myself sometimes–maybe I did something during pregnancy, I don’t know. But, I just can’t seem to get past the anger and resentment I feel about the situation. And I worry about his future. I’m sorry this is a drawn out comment. But, I hit my head against the same brick wall with this situation each day… Maybe you can offer some practical advice based on what I’ve said? Thanks.

  • Adam_H

    Hi Jared,

    This article may have saved my relationship with the woman I love.She was struggling with letting go of resentful thoughts towards me, and it slowly destroyed us. She moved out a few months ago, but we’ve recently rekindled a friendship, and last week I sent her a link to this article. It seems to have struck a chord with her in a way that hours of counselling and conversation couldn’t.

    Last night we kissed for the first time in months. It was a beautiful moment. It’s massively early days but I feel real hope that we can turn things around.

    I can’t thank you enough.


  • beyotch

    Prayer is a waste of time.

  • carolyn s coots

    this was absolutely helpful thank you for sharing

  • Barbara

    Excellent post with a lot of food for thought. However, showing love and forgiving someone who stabs you in the back (over a man, no less) is very difficult to do. “Think loving thoughts” for someone who has no regard for you or your feelings truly seems like a waste of time.

  • panda_intensified

    In your opinion. 🙂

  • lost

    So, you say this appraoch doesn’t work and I do understand your arguments but, do you have an alternative solution? Because it is true that resentment is a cancer in any relationship. What do you do when you have resentment?

  • Purphoros

    The oxen does not need wings to know that the sheep can’t teach it to fly.

    The one thing that can overcome resentment is love. A relationship where resentment can not be overcome is already lost, because the love is gone. If I may borrow words from a wise man… “Where you can not love – move on.”

    The first step to get rid of resentment is to get rid of the pain that causes it. To heal, you need distance and time. Only then can you begin to rationalize the other person’s actions. If you try to understand their motives, recognize them as weak instead of malevolent, or whatever else, that’s up to you.

    What’s important is that you take care of yourself first and remove harm from your life. Be a doctor first, and an avenger later.

    Those who played FF4 might remember Cecil’s fight to become a Paladin… It’s a beautiful Metaphor.

  • Lee Ann O’Leary

    I am working on letting go of resentment towards our adult children. They invaded our privacy for years. They recorded our private conversations and intimate moments and shared them on the web. They did this while accepting financial help with college and many holiday and birthday gifts from us. We foolishly tried to make amends with them for their perceived wrongs and they started the invasion again in our new home. We had no idea they hated us even though the evidence was there. They rarely called or visited and frequently told my husband they had other plans when he would make trips to see them after accepting his money to help them pay for college. They are dishonest and cruel. How can I let go of resentments towards them while they continue to invade our privacy with the apparent goal of hastening our deaths?

  • jbdoglover

    hi, can this work in the workplace? I have had a fractious few months with other team members as our program was re-formed. It is about to start, and I wonder how I can move forward for the good of those we serve and not be consumed by my feelings of being the “outcast”…suggestions? thanks

  • Sunel Visser

    What about feeling the resentment first? Those feelings sta inside of us until we feel them and let them out, no?

  • Benjine

    Powerful indeed 🙂 Thank you.

  • Perseus

    You bring up a good point. Prayers that are prayed like they are a waste of time, are an inefficient use of the present moment.

  • That is a tough one. I don’t have children, (although I have grandchildren through marriage) but imagine this must be difficult. I’m sure it’s not uncommon for parents to feel taken advantage of our unappreciated. I know you said they were adult children, but doesn’t sound like adult behavior to me.

  • That is assuming the people with whom you are dealing are sane. I can only seem to come up with so many excuses for their behavior, repress my anger at their behavior so long, before it becomes resentment, not just at them but the unfairness of it all. How stupid is that? Gratitude for what I have, every speck of saneness that peeps its way out at me…

  • I like that, give them only positive energy in my mind.

  • I cannot excuse other people’s behavior. I can accept it; which doesn’t mean I have to like it. But accept that it’s their behavior, not mine, but I get to chose how I react to it. Sometimes I like the concept of “change me, bless them.”

  • Kate

    I like that too but how do you overcome your expectations of how they should be in life? Also what do you do in situations where someone dislikes you upon first meeting you because you remind them of someone they detest from their past or present when they’re not willing to respect you. Or am I just projecting myself onto others with my insecurities? Thanks in advance for your advice.

  • Kate Matthews

    How do you deal with forgiveness in that moment when angered at the person who pushed too far when gratitude and appreciation and love is needed. I feel as if a person doesn’t need to beg for thankfulness and love when not given it by a person that feels as if the individual doesn’t need it in a training seminar. The individual was not satisfied and treated me in a very disrespectful way. So my question is this how do I manage my expectations when obviously hurt. The exercise was to thank each person sincerely but this was far from sincere. I know prayer, meditation, and faith helps. But, see in that moment, I’m a little angered that they didn’t see my true value, honesty, integrity, and sincerity. How do I overcome that anger before it starts? Any suggestions? Or just practice, let go, and understand where they’re coming from? Which I sort of do as a counselor as well, but still don’t accept unfair treatment to me at least.

  • Purphoros

    Hah, someone asking me, of all people, for advice. I suspect you didn’t realize how bad I am at mincing words and being polite (aka dishonest), or you replied to me by accident and actually wanted the blogger who wrote the article.

    First off: Overcoming anger before it appears can’t happen. But you can premeditate the situation and reasess the instincts and morals that make you perceive it as unfair. Maybe you can prevent getting angry in the first place.

    I’m not 100% sure I fully understood your case. I’m confused, as it first reads like someone wanted appreciation from you, which you refused to confirm, but the next paragraph seems to be about you wanting appreciation from that person after refusing it to them.

    I’m pretty sure I’m not understanding everything here, so my answer may be horribly off. Apologies in advance.

    For example, I have often seen people consider anger and criticism as disrespect, when in fact it is a sign of respect. Someone feels that you can do better than you are, that is no disrespect, even if they express it strongly. But then again, I might be interpreting your question completely wrong. All I know is that you did not feel respected.

    So, if you feel that this doesn’t apply, my apologies.

    Nobody should have to beg for respect and appreciation. Nobody should have to beg for food. The thing is, some are starved, some are gluttons, and only few get exactly as much as they need and want, or want as much as is good for them.

    I think you need to ask yourself:
    – Is that person a glutton, or are they maybe starving?
    – Is it their fault?
    – Even if they shouldn’t need to ask, does that mean they should not receive?
    – Why do you think that they don’t need your respect? Does it have that little value?
    – Is it your place to decide how much respect someone deserves?
    – Is refusing to confirm appreciation the same as confirming disparagement?
    – Do you think they would perceive it as such?
    – Do you think they need to feel disparaged by you?

    Also, since you explicitly mentioned your “true value, honesty, integrity, and sincerity”:
    Do they really not see any of it?
    Is it as true and plentiful as you perceive it?
    Do you see their “true value, honesty, integrity, and sincerity”, too?
    Do they know that you see it?
    Would you see when you are not showing yours?

    Honestly, to me it just sounds like two narcissists getting in a fight about their petty pride. But as I said several times, I don’t have the full picture and am quite probably wrong.

  • Kate Matthews

    Nope, I was asking you directly for the insight. But, thank you for your honesty. I’m not looking for someone to mince words or be polite. I’m not sure if I understood all of it, but I think I got the gist of it. Thank you for the powerful words, though I don’t think you fully understand the situation when judging me. I’m far from a narcissist. But, if that’s how you see it please clarify instead of judging me. I have no idea what disparing means but the workshop was about gratitude and appreciation where the individual did thank me but in a very combative way that hurt me. I would like to get rid of the pain. In the other case, the same individual pushed the farmer- my friend too far when she forced him to beg and cry before she accepted his gratitude and appreciation. The seminar was to raise a toast to each individual with just the words thank you which she had a harder time doing to some people. So if we felt she meant the gratitude, respect, and appreciation without being combative then to thank her which we all did and no fights broke out at this workshop seminar to provide some context.

    I was angry and hurt when I wrote this previous comment and looking for a quick fix to get rid of the anger aka pain when it came to her turn to thank me which she got angry doing despite the services I gave her at this seminar workshop. I realize this could be due to her past and not managing my expectations but in that 5 seconds, I wanted to get rid of the bad feelings quickly. Thank you in advance for your kind words of wisdom and apologies.

  • Kate Matthews

    Hm, it looks like my previous comment response didn’t send.

    To provide some context, this was a group seminar workshop about gratitude, respect, appreciation, and managing my expectations. I suspect that I felt hurt that the icebreaker wasn’t successful since the goal was to thank without being combative in a circle when toasting with a glass of wine. Its part of a consulting or counseling group about thoughts.

    Within that 5 seconds when being thanked in a way that was done repeatedly without getting angry. I find it hard if she sounds frustrated when her thank you was not accepted because many felt it wasn’t sincere. Most people can tell what its meant by tone and body language, so if she can’t do it with peers, how can she do it with clients?

    I realize I may be taking it personally when her anger and frustration was directed at me. I just have difficulty with the do unto others as they do unto you if she belittles me due to her past or at least someone from their past that I remind them of.

    I can take your premeditated state idea into account but its usually the 5 seconds- fight or flight response that comes first esp. when principles are not met. Or I feel like letting my thoughts run wild and taking no action because I sort of understand where the person is coming from. But, at the same time, still upset that they did it in a way that could have been handled differently. Even though, the thank you was received but not meant in her anger. Still trying to let it go when it doesn’t meet
    my expectations but i don’t want it to seem like she’s able to walk all over me because I refuse to fight. The other part of me can talk about it and want to do some action but what will it do when she’s most likely forgotten it? We did talk a bit about it in the seminar workshop but easy to talk about and hard to do.

    I too agree that anger and criticism is a form of respect. I just had a problem with the way she thanked me, so trying to change that. Thank you for your advice, help, and suggestions.

  • Purphoros

    Haha, it seems I was even more off than I thought.

    First, let me say that the whole experiment type – “say this or that and be sincere” – is bound to run into these problems. I’m surprised that is even still done. That’s especially true when it’s about being thankful. What are you supposed to do when you don’t feel thankful to a stranger? Refuse it? Fake it? Either way it will hurt people somehow. The experiment forces you to lie or to hurt others, and that in itself is hurtful. It’s quite possible she just took revenge on the coordinator for that experiment, in a not very good way. Perhaps she snapped at you

    That kind of experiment is buckets conflict in a can, and prince albert is glad he’s not in that one.

    Yes,you are right about the first instinctive impulse. You can’t suppress or avoid it at all. Sadly, the primitive part of our brains has priority over the part that facilitates reason, and acts before we can even realize that it is running rampage. A human is basically a rational mind strapped to a crazed monkey, trying to be one rational creature. All we can do is to reign the monkey in as soon as we notice.

    Still, that monkey is remarkably well adapted to assessing certain situations, especially when the other participants are strapped to their own monkeys too.

    If your anger is justified, why would you reject it? Just try imagining a person that doesn’t feel anger, they would be abused over and over again while smiling friendly at the abuser. I strongly doubt that is your goal. if she made your friend plead and cry, why on earth would you not be angry?

    Anger, pain, sadness, all these “negative” feelings are part of the human experience. Believe it or not, they are good for you. Pain tells you when you need to go easy on your body, sadness tells you to go easy on your soul, anger tells you to be on your guard around harmful people.

    Do not overcome. Do not ignore. Do not suppress.

    Accept them.

    When you hurt physically, it can be relieved by actively paying attention to the pain, by choosing to experience it to the fullest. When you’re sad, it’s often the best to dive right into these feelings and sort them out.

    When you’re angry, it’s just the same: Aknowledge it, make a mental note to resolve it later and, having satisfied your monkey’s needs, move on. Treat putting them on your “to-do list” as your act of retaliation. Then, you can decide if or how you want to react when the sensation has passed.

    The one important thing is to draw a line between feeling and acting. As long as you are in control of your actions, allowing a little bit of anger won’t do any harm.

    It’s okay to feel hurt, sad or angry, because it usually is for a reason. You cannot banish these demons anywhere except where they came from, and that’s your own mind.

  • Kate Matthews

    Oh thank you for the insight that’s a huge relief. I really liked the analogy that you made with the monkeys, it makes it more relatable and comical sort of way. I never thought of it as forcing her to lie but that makes sense. I’m extremely grateful for your feedback. Still confused as to how you think you’re dishonest. I think you are wise and enlightened. Thank you again for helping me and being blunt and straightforward. I needed that.

  • Nancy Vail

    However, after approval seeking from her instead of the higher power I lost everything and continue to self destruct. Talj for praying for them is nice but first I think you ne3d to reclaim power

  • Stacey

    How do you move past resentment that has been there for a long time, such as twelve years. I have tried talking it out with my significant other many times over the years. To the point we both no longer like to have the conversation. But I still try to calmly discuss the issue with them yet the behavior hasn’t changed in twelve years? What do I do?

  • Lucinda Vette

    Seems like some great wisdom here. I also feel like something is missing, and it has to do with finding a balance in our relationships. Isn’t it possible that resentment is an emotion with important information? What about resentment toward someone who constantly violates boundaries, or if there is something in the relationship to be addressed in order for the relationship to deepen? Focusing only on positive thoughts and gratitude, and even only addressing our personal expectations, without addressing underlying interpersonal issues seems like a recipe for spiritual bypassing. Isn’t it important to communicate the messages behind our emotions in order to be in authentic relationships with others? I have found times when my unwillingness to have difficult conversations with others for fear of appearing not nice, or to avoid conflict, usually leads to me culling those relationships from my life.

  • Lucinda, you bring up some very good points here. I agree that addressing resentments with the individual may be necessary for the relationship to deepen. I particularly like your point on not addressing interpersonal issues may lead to “spiritual bypassing” – and would agree there also. Looking inward initially to examine my motives and source of the resentment is just a part of the process I’ve learned, the other part being self-aware to communicate those feelings to the other individual in a constructive way and knowing when it’s necessary.

  • Stephanie E Goralski

    What about when the same person continuously does things to make resentful even when you have already discussed and expressed your feelings?? Im having a hard time because once I let go of the resentment and pray, they turn around and do something else!