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Coping with the Pain of Loneliness After a Breakup

Breakup

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together.” ~Unknown

I am at a phase in my life right now where I’m struggling with loneliness.

It means that most of the time, I feel a deep sense of disconnection from the world around me and the people I share it with.

The mere fact that I am writing this in the small hours of the morning, deafened by the ear-splitting silence of an empty flat, unable to sleep, simply emphasizes this point to me even harder.

The empty flat in question is mine. And the situation in which I find myself was not part of the plan that I had envisioned for my life at this moment in time.

Everything that was once familiar has now changed.

It was during the end of summer of last year that I split up with my long-term boyfriend. We had begun our six-year relationship stepping out into the big wide world, side by side, doing the grown-up thing of getting our first place together.

It was new and exciting. The future looked promising. And to be fair, it did work, on and off, for a respectable number of years.

However, fast forward past the cluster of good times and the occasional happy holiday, and I found myself having to face up to the heartbreak of a damaged relationship. In particular, the daunting prospect of sharing my future with another human being who, in essence, I just did not feel a connection with anymore.

I could choose to spend my days feeling alone, on the surface still part of the relationship, but deep down feeling emotionally detached and distanced from him.

I could patiently wait for the days where I felt an element of hope—the momentary optimism that everything would turn work out okay for us in the end. I could even reason with myself that this is only a rough patch in our relationship, just a little blip in the overall bigger picture.

Or I could face up to the truth and accept the glaringly obvious: it was over, unfixable, and time to move on.

For months my thoughts were in constant battle. The laborious task of trying to make things work seemed like it was set up to be life-long endeavor. Neither of us had the enthusiasm anymore. It seemed we had simply lost the passion.

In the end, we knew what was coming. It was time to call it a day, move on, and go our separate ways.

Here is what I’ve learned about dealing with loneliness:

Feel your emotions.

When you strip away a big part of your life, you feel exposed, empty, and vulnerable.

During the time after my breakup, I experienced deep feelings of unshakable loneliness. And I still suffer with these feelings from time to time.

However, I have learned that masking those uncomfortable feelings (my escapism being alcohol and meaningless dates) only leaves the pain unattended for a while longer.

I started to understand that I needed to accept my loneliness as a true emotion. It would not just softly fade away, no matter how hard I tried to numb my feelings or look for distractions.

As you experience your emotions, you start to feel lighter. Give them the time and space they need to be fully expressed. Write down your thoughts. Talk about them with someone. Acknowledge that they do exist and that what you are feeling is very real to you.

Trust that the pain does eventually lose its intensity, making room for you to experience a sense of calmness and clarity amidst the difficulties.

Listen to your own advice.

I have indulged in my fair share of self-help books over the years, ranging from detailed accounts on depression, self-esteem issues, and more recently, tips and tricks on beating loneliness.

These stories may offer a few moments of fleeting comfort as you flick through the pages. But they are not able to take the sting out of the raw emotions that you experience first-hand, such as during those times when you are sitting alone, feeling fed up and isolated from the world around you.

Therefore, I have learned to take only the advice that works best for my own mind, body, and spirit, and leave the rest for someone else.

Maybe you are someone like me who prefers to stay at home, enjoying a book, watching a film, or having a bath rather than getting “out there,” meeting people, and forging new relationships.

Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break, making space during those times when you need to rest and restore. Go at your own pace. Understand that you are your own best teacher. And only you will know when it feels right to take the brave step out of your comfort zone into the unknown.

Realize there is nothing to fix.

We know the world is a busy place, crammed full of busy people with busy lives.

But that doesn’t mean we need to rush around trying to mend everything that is seemingly wrong with us all of the time.

While learning to stay with uneasy emotions, I realized that I didn’t need to find a speedy resolution for the difficult feelings. It’s okay to feel lonely; it’s just one of our many human emotions.

In fact, it was a relief. There was no need to force myself to search in all the wrong places for the solution anymore. I am certainly not the only single person in the world. Why did I feel that I needed to fix this aspect of my life so soon? It wasn’t even broken.

Try and enjoy the freedom that comes from being detached. Appreciate the opportunity to gain introspection on yourself. You may even discover new interests or familiarize yourself with old forgotten hobbies now that your life has shifted focus.

Accept how it is.

Accepting that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling gave me the grace to relax. There is no problem right now; therefore, there is nothing I urgently need to attend to.

I know that eventually life will change again; it always does.

How I am feeling now may not be a true reflection on how I feel in a few weeks, months, or years’ time. And I trust that I will stumble across whatever it is I am looking for at some point again in the future.

Right now, though, I am experiencing my life as it is, complete with its bundle of thought-provoking emotions that come as part of the package.

I have learned to accept that this is just another passing chapter in my story, purposely placed here to keep life interesting and meaningful.

It may not be a highlight, but it is still part of my life. And I can live with that.

About Becky Potter

Becky is passionate about writing and travelling. She is keen to inspire people using her own past experiences, with the intention to help others enjoy a happier and healthier life.

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  • Foosa Noble

    Thank you so much for this. Your words are so comforting especially at this moment of my life. I feel adrift in a lonely ocean and your story has just made some hope appear on the horizon.

  • Michael Heuer

    Becky,

    Way to put it out there. Coping with loneliness has become a real pressing issue in my life as of late. It’s a little serendipitous that you posted this today. Yesterday, I wrote a post calling myself out, and trying to make myself accountable for the problems I was facing. You can check it out if you like — my blog isn’t monetized, so I’m not looking to make anything from this. http://www.thesodbusterblog.com/2014/02/being-honest-with-myself.html (if that breaks any comment rules please tell me and I’ll definitely edit it out — but it’s nice to find comfort in other people’s experiences. I’ve gone through something similar, and have found somewhat similar conclusions. I had a 3.5 year relationship end, and the following months were some of the hardest I’ve ever faced. It’s been a series of ups and downs with plenty of very dark moments, but I’m still here fighting.

    Feeling your emotions is incredibly important. When we bottle it up, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. Instead of a single hit of pain, we build up a massive snowball of hurt, and when it finally comes crashing down, man does it hurt.

    Listen to your own advice. I think this is actually the hardest part haha. I write tons of content on how to heal, or pick up the pieces, but I realized how little I stick to my advice. It’s something I’m working on, and it feels great knowing that I’m not the only one who struggles with this. I’m a sucker for entrepreneur books and philosophy. Seneca is the man.

    Realize there is nothing to fix. I have a little bit of a qualm there. I think there is always something to fix, but that sometimes we have to accept that it will take time. The problem isn’t always solved quickly. Sometimes you have to realize that the path to healing is much like growing a plant. The seed must be sown, watered, and nurtured. In time, the seed will develop strong roots, and flourish into something beautiful. I hope you follow my metaphor, but that’s how I view self development and deep personal issues. They take time and love.

    Ah man, I want to keep going on this post because it’s great, but I just realized I’m going to be late for class.

    Fantastic article, and keep kicking. You’re beautiful. Cheers.

  • karmaminifig

    I have gone through the exact same thing. Reading your words, they could have been written by me and I’ve just been through pretty much the same things. The loneliness feelings are the hardest for me, and as you say, I’ve been searching for an answer to it doing things that weren’t right for me. It’s a tough ole path, but I’m sure things will work out ok, they normally do. For now, I have biscuits 😀

  • NoNamesAreAvailable

    Needed this. Just experienced a breakup with the woman I thought I’d marry and spend my life with. Am heartbroken. Valentine’s Day was particularly difficult.

  • Steve

    Great post. And quite timely.
    While I am still in the throws of my relationship, the feelings of loneliness are very real for me. What’s difficult is that it’s not the first time. I sometimes wonder of it’s just me. It’s to the point where I try to disguise it for my wife. She will often look at me bewildered. Wondering what planet I’m on. My challenge is that of kids who mean the world to me.
    At some point I will need to come clean with her if we are to move forward or to continue on our separate paths.
    Thank you for sharing your story. Funny how so many relate to it.

  • Ferhat Karagul

    This is written perfectly, thank you Becky. I’m going trough somewhat the same set of emotions these last couple of months. While trying to do exactly what you’re saying, accepting it as a part of my life, even if it’s not a highlight, that’s the best thought that kept me going and reviving lost energies and motivation for other things.

    I don’t know if it’s ok to promote anything here on this website, but lately I’m reading “the deepest acceptance” by Jeff Foster. It is a beautifully written book and explains a lot of our everyday emotions and human experience in overall + for example how and why we end up feeling like this article has shown us.

    I would suggest reading it to anyone. I’ve had my share of selfhelp/informative/spiritual growth books (eckhart tolle, krishnamurti etc.), but this one really gives a somewhat more realistic perspective on all of this, it’s hard to explain but It really helped me grow as a person and I’d love to share that with others =)

  • I am in the same boat, with dreams in pieces, and I too deeply needed this simple affirmation. There is nothing wrong with us, we are simply experiencing life. Namaste, my brother. We will carry on. 🙂

  • jezebel67

    I needed this as well. Just broke it off with someone after 16 years of being together…..thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Cried for 4 days straight….caught him with his OWN family member. Doesn’t feel real….and I can literally feel my heart breaking.

  • Mandy

    Thank you so very much for your words. I am just coming to terms with a break up and the overriding feeling at the moment is loneliness. I don’t know what to do with myself most of the time and feel loneliness and sadness. I see a positive future and I know I am learning lots. Your words are so meaningful to me at this time. Thank you xx

  • Remy

    Thank you for your post. Reading it was like re-living the end of my long-term relationship. Trying to fix something that simply couldn’t be fixed. The hardest part of the loneliness is thinking I’ll never find the same happiness again. I know, in time, things will get better but right now, I feel like I will never heal.

  • Talya Price

    This was a very good read. I went through the same thing 3 years ago. My loneliness almost killed me, I tried to commit suicide 3 times. I had to go through all of that, I had to experience that, because if I did not I would not be here today.

    However now I am ready for new relationships. Every relationship whether it’s long or short is a lesson for you. Thank you for this article.

  • Octarin

    Thank you. I was starting to feel uncomfortable with still feeling lonely and disconnected while it’s been a good 9 months since my breakup. It was bad, he was a narcissist, it was an abusive relationship and I tore myself away just as I tore myself apart doing it. Not that he’d care, anyway. And now, 9 months down the line, you’d think I’d be all over it, but I’m still struggling. This article helped. I’m not abnormal after all. Thank you.

  • katie

    So well said, you write beautifully.

  • brian

    My girlfriend broke up with me and decided went back to be with her ex boyfriend. It was so heart broken to see their valentines pictures. Cant believe she move on so quick and i am left alone here feeling devastated .

  • Jmayi

    Very similar story to mine. We had children too. The break up was difficult and messy, but things are looking up all the time. You just have to stay positive and keep looking forward, try not to look back xxx

  • Rose

    Thank you so much for writing this. I don’t think that most people understand or have the experience of this kind of loneliness for extended periods of time and I have always felt that I’ve had to go to great lengths to hide my experience. It seems socially unacceptable. I appreciate you sharing your experience.

  • S

    I’m so sorry Brian. That must hurt a lot. Try not to look at the pictures.
    I was broken up with on Valentine’s Day too.

  • Phoebe

    Thank you Becky, this is EXACTLY the advises I need right NOW. To move forward peacefully with loneliness is not easy, there’s ups and downs, but I know I’m not alone when I read what you’ve shared. We grow with each and every step we take, whether it’s a hard step or a light one. Thank you~

  • bl33ding0ut

    I am at a very painful crossroads in my life right now. Things between my boyfriend of six years and myself has reached a serious road block. I cannot forsake the few things that are a core necessity in a relationship for me (I am disabled with a deformed face and he recently admitted he has been keeping my appearance a secret from people he goes to tech college with .. I cannot live my life feeling shame from my partner .. it is tearing my own self esteem slap up).

    He is who he is and I cannot force him to understand why this is causing so much damage between us. I need more, I need my own form of “better” in a partner. But he has become my everything. My only friend, my only caregiver, my only means of getting groceries and sharing conversations.

    If I leave him, I will be forced to struggle in ways that I have never experienced before and to be honest, I am not even sure that I am emotionally capable of handling it.

    But if I stay .. this distance, this pain, will continue to create a vast chasm between us. I deserve to be loved for who I am. I deserve to be accepted and I deserve to have a man who takes pride in me and not falter when in the presence of ignorant people.

    I read your article and fantasize what I might feel like if right now, this very minute, I were on my own .. in my own apartment .. faced with immense loneliness but at the same time faced with a glimmer of hope that someday I might have the chance to find a man who can love me the way I deserve to be loved.

    With each day I am getting closer to taking a leap of faith and freeing myself from a relationship that just is not healthy for my boyfriend or myself anymore.

    I am terrified. But time has a way of making us desperate for change as the days, weeks and years go by.

    Thank you for a thought provoking article.

  • bl33ding0ut

    My long term boyfriend is a narcissist. He was also diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (a cousin, if not a twin, of the classic sociopath). I have known for quite some time that this relationship I am in is an emotionally abusive one. He is really good at twisting words, manipulating, lying by omission and blaming me for each and every emotional slap in the face that he gives. While I am still with him, I already know the damage will be long term once I do eventually leave him. One would think “if he hurt you this much, why would you be so torn up once you’re free”? That’s the thing about relationships and, dare I say, good women. We love, we love deeply and sometimes we love the wrong kinds of men deeply. They inflict their damage, leave scars and we carry the pain for long periods of time because we still wanted things to work out somehow .. we wanted this investment of love, time and commitment to be appreciated and valued by these men. No, we are not abnormal. We just got tangled up with people who were not healthy for us to be with.

  • joy

    This is very true. I just broke up with a 7 year relationship, 2 weeks ago. I am very much puzzled as of the moment. I need someone to talk to.

  • joy

    hi! yours was the opposite of mine, I just broke up with the man I thought I will be marrying a year from now..

  • joy

    what a very good and inspirational read.. thank you so much for enlightening me somehow…

  • Dee

    Thank you for sharing your valuable advice.
    I share your thoughts on the pain of loneliness as i have recently broken up with a man i thought was my future. I cant remember what i did with myself in the evenings when i was previously single. I know I never felt lonely , i was happily single… i guess that was probably the difference. Now i am home alone, broken hearted and trying to heal myself and silence my inner dialogue that constantly asks what i could have done differently to save a troubled relationship that sucked the life out of me.

    I have healed from a broken heart before and the first time this happened to me, i never thought i would get over it and every morning I woke up I wondered if there would ever be a day when the first thing i thought would not be about my loss and heartache but this I remember and would like to share with you. I did get over it, it didn’t kill me and it did get better! Remembering this , i am allowing myself time for the loneliness and sadness to wash over me as I know things will get better and this too will pass.

    In the mean time , i am trying to be kind to myself, thats all we can do.

  • joy

    i need someone to talk to.. just broke up after a 7 year relationship…

  • My divorce was finalized a little over a month ago. We were together for 16 years, and I am 35. I have never been on my own, and so far it is extreme torture. Because I’m a grad student, the divorce cast me into poverty, and I can’t afford to move right now. I filled the fall with manic dating, most of which resulted in me feeling broken and even more vulnerable.

    I don’t have a strong network in my town, and I find that when I slow down I succumb to total despair and feel like I’m not going to make it until I graduate. Staying manically busy isn’t making me happy, just very stressed on top of it all.

    So, reading this did help. I wish I could more easily find others dealing with the shock of a dramatic life change.

  • Yes… 16 years is me too.

  • You can talk to me, an anonymous person on the net! I mean it. (See my comment above for a synopsis of my situation.)

  • bee

    Hi, you’re definitely not alone. It may seem like it but there are people going through the same. I was in a decade long relationship when it all came crumbling down. First, my professional life fell apart, then a few months later, my personal life followed. At a time when I needed the support, he wasn’t there, and that made it much harder.

    There are good days and then there are days I want to stay in and torture myself with what-ifs. But I’m forcing myself to keep busy so I don’t think about it and spiral into a deeper depression. So if you want to vent, we are all here for you.

  • Thank you so much. I actually feel like I’ve made big progress on one thing- after having a work function all day today I am exhausted and don’t think I can attend a party tonight. Not making myself go just to avoid being alone is a huge change.

  • Makayla

    I’m in the same boat. My relationship with the guy I was to marry next year has ended and I am so devastated but I know I need to go through and feel the loneliness to come out stronger. Thanks for this post.

  • Danielle

    I know how you feel, my fiancé ended our engagement after six years together out of the blue. I find it hard to get out of bed somedays.

  • wigirl

    I just started a book called “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person” by Howard Halpern. “Addiction” seems like a loaded term, but the book has been eye opening and very helpful to me so far. Highly recommend.

  • Rob

    I’m at a point in our marriage of 3yrs (been together 10 years) Where my wife has said she’s fallen out of love with me and sees me more as a brother or a best friend (Which I thought I was meant to be as well as a loving husband). She left me a month ago after a series of rows over something and nothing. She asked for some space which I feel I’ve given her. We’ve been in minimal contact throughout, all contact has been initiated by her. She’s been back home for some clothes and asked me questions about someone else sleeping in our bed.. Sobbing down the phone, saying she’s missing me, but doesn’t know if it’s for the right reasons.. Why wasn’t I fighting to save the marriage… The next minute she’s wanting to sort out what we’re doing with the house and stuff. My head is in bits. I just wish I knew what she wanted. I’m meeting up with her this weekend to discuss things. Of which I’m not sure. Any advice on what kind of approach I should take would be very much appreciated.

  • I felt like this was my own story unfolding.

    My girlfriend and I were together for 5 years – I moved 1,300 miles for her, supported her through her misunderstood career change to a police officer (and through police academy), and eventually battled my mind everyday – trying to ignore our failing relationship.

    As two women in a relationship, I feel such a loss for not only my partner but my best friend.

    It has been a whirlwind to say the least (separating our dogs, moving out, learning the hard way she’s now out having fun) but I know deep in my mind that our ending is preparing me for another world that will open.

  • Donrocks

    The mornings are the worst. Waking up to the house and bedroom where we spent 9 years together. I broke up with him because he was always traveling for work, and i felt lonely whenever he was away. Now that i kicked him out of the house, i feel even lonelier! How does one cope with those morning blues, when you don’t feel like getting up but just ruminating the loss?

  • Jessica

    Thank you a lot Becky, Im really feeling loonely, sad and depress.
    I broke up with my boyfriend, we lived together for four years.
    And the truth we arent happy anymore, I was willing to do whatever it takes
    if I have the chance to be with him again, but suddenly I read ….
    “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together.” ~Unknown
    So, I change my mind, its better to suffer the whole process now, that in six months be in this situation again.
    thank you for sharing your wisdom, you change my life in a good way.

  • Jessica

    Im feel really bad for you, I spend time thinking about Christmas, my birthday
    and every special day … I’ll hope you get well soon, Im still in process to get out of my depression.
    🙂

  • Jessica

    I feel exactly the same, tell me how do you feel now? It really gets better with the time?

  • Jessica

    You’re not alone, and I get it, its really hard and not easy, and have no money only seems to make it worst. Just never stop to keep trying.
    Good luck lisbet!

  • Jessica

    I feel the same way, the mornings are the worst, waking up and realizing he is not with me anymore. Its so hard sometimes.

  • Thanks, I need it. Have realized I have a total phobia of being alone that I really need to address.

  • Jeff

    Thank you. x

  • Chevy

    Yes I am going through the same thing with my ex partner. I just try to take one day at a time and I’m hoping that eventually things work get better for me.

  • Janelle

    thank you for this, i needed to hear this. I was with my boyfriend for 7 years and loved him more than anything and i always will. but, towards the end I wasn’t completely happy with the way things were going. we split up, I tried to win him back a month later, but he was too upset and said we would never get back together again. i’m now on the journey that so many people go through, finding my way through life alone now. it’s so hard, but I know I can do it. we all can.

  • Fudu

    Great Post.. Thank you!

  • p jai

    exact same thing has happened with me this week. My gf went back to her ex. it is unbelievable how someone can just switch off and move on…..hurts like hell.

  • Justme

    I have reread this article many times. Lately, it seems I am have fallen into the darkest hole and I cannot escape. After a 20 year relationship, I have finally connected with someone until I realized he was not ready for a relationship. On top of that, I feel my friends are all taking the next steps in life while I feel as if I am treading water. It seems nothing brings me joy. I sit at a table that is set only to not have anything to serve. I feel as if I am ready to be done with life.

  • Scmi

    I love this! Just broke up with the one who I thought was the “one” without getting any closure. I have been battling my emotional ups and downs since the break up. I’m past the initial shock and on to feelin disappointed in my ex and his actions. I’ve finally learned that I need to better myself, be happy and satisfied emotionally, socially and professionally before getting into another serious relationship. Good luck to all.

  • Hopeful

    I can understand where you’re coming from. It does feel sometimes like there is nothing left to live for and like everyone has what you don’t. I am struggling with a similar situation. But please know that no matter what happens, the pain and loneliness will eventually subside and you will slowly feel stronger and more hopeful.

  • DutchGuy

    Thank you Becky. Small hours here also, lonelyness and alcohol and escapism. I needed your piece of simple wisdom although in my heart i already knew it to be truthfull. Sometimes reading someone elses thoughts can clarify a lot. 🙂

  • Jonathan Gray

    I really enjoyed this. Recently I have felt a drawn out emotional epiphany of sorts. They aren’t there to be controlled or ‘stopped’. They are there for a damn good reason. To be experienced. Because you need to. Cheers for the article.

  • Casey

    Thanks for the words of motivation. I am constantly searching for things like “i made it through my breakup” online and there isn’t too much that has to do with success stories but rather how to cope in the meantime. Sometimes it helps to hear that it is possible to be happy again and it will happen soon, we just have to wait it out and work on ourselves.

  • Why Do They Need My Name

    It’s been a couple of months now. Had some searingly awful times. Every now and then, though, I have a good hopeful day. But then I get this flashback: it’s as if he’s only just that minute left me. “It can’t be real, it can’t be happening!” That is such a horrible feeling. I recognise it’s me trying not to get over him, trying to still feel his presence in my life, even if that presence is just pain.

    I have decided to believe that I will get over this, and find someone new. And I don’t want to make the same mistakes again, but if I do, I’ll learn anew.

  • Sarah

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years, 4 years ago. But it was so hard. I was lonely. And I was weak. I said I couldn’t handle the pain and that must mean I love him and we should be together… So I went back, and had someone to go to the movies with and have dinner with again. I had some close friends who were single and heartbroken.. they persisted and they did what they thought was right, which was to endure the loneliness. And it sucked for them. I must’ve made the right choice, I thought. My best friend had a horrible break up.. and she was a shell of her usual bubbly self for months. But, somehow, 6 months later, she got a new job and what felt like a fresh start, and she’d got her groove back. I envied her, she was so genuinely happy in her single life. And now she’s happily married too.

    So, 3 years after I decided we had to get back together… we’re engaged. But, I never lost the doubts. Things never got better… infact, they got so, so much worse. They were good for about 1 month, the month after we got engaged and felt some hope for us… And now, 3 months before the wedding, I’ve just called it off…forever. And I’m ready, and stronger, and more determined to heal. Bring on the loneliness, I say.

  • Alex

    Thank you for this, as I am also going through some emotions. I was in a relationship for a little more than a year and I love the girl dearly. Unfortunately our age difference has given us the contrary and we both feel sort of mistreated. Both feeling unappreciated we’re parting ways but she’s really upset with me. We’re living in the same apartment still but moving out soon. She walks past me and closes her door the entire time. And her being a musician, plays the music she once sang to me making it difficult for me to not break down. At work is when the feelings hit and I need to gasp for air but I think it’s getting better. Just being strong and focusing on so many things that I now have time for. Thanks for sharing your story

  • Jessica

    My boyfriend of nearly four years broke up with me Tuesday. We started dating at 17, i was his fiest love and he was mine. We were going through some rough times lately but I had NO idea this was coming at all. I didn’t know he felt this way, I wish I knew so we could have worked on things before it came to this point. I thought he was the one, I’m still in shock, I just want to hold him in my arms. When I asked him why we can’t work this out he said that “it felt like more of a routine than a relationship” and that I didn’t give him enough attention? Meanwhile I had NO idea he felt this way at all, and I was still 100% feeling our relationship and loving it and him.I tried to explain how I felt and that I can be whatever he needs and I had no idea he felt that way but he said “Its too late now”. I just wish I had a second chance, I wish we could rekindle that flame because I still think he’s the one, but he wants nothing to do with me now. Its so mind blowing how one second everything is fine and then my world was turned upside down. I have so much guilt and regret because he really was a great guy, I have never felt pain like this.

  • CB

    Thank you. I still feel so broken, I still love the man I thought I’d spend my life with. He met someone 15 years younger than him just weeks after splitting up, forgot about the 6 years we gave each other and never looked back. 8 months on, 1 breakdown and buckets of tears later, the pain only gets more intense, I lost my entire ‘family’. I will refer back to your post for inspiration. Xx

  • Michael

    My girlfriend which I was with over a year broke up with me a month ago… I’m devastated. She was my first love and it hurts so much. I feel so lonely. I know she is happy right now but I’m not and that just makes me sad… It sucks so bad. I know I can find another woman but she will be different and the life I had with my ex was just perfect until she stopped loving me… At first , the first week was the most painful. After I felt good and determined but now after a month I feel lonely and I need constant affection from someone.

  • TheFunkeyGibbon

    I’m struggling with not having somebody to hold and talk to. I spent a long time with my ex-wife and then a couple of years with a new partner, I’ve hardly been alone in 12 years and I’m finding it so damn hard.

    I think I defined who I was by being with somebody else and looking after them and now I have forgotten who I am, if I ever knew. I’m 36 and I fear being alone and I worry I’ll never met somebody new.

  • Sarah

    Sarah, oh my. How are you doing now? I just broke it off with my boyfriend of 7 years, and I’m utterly devastated. Feeling ‘weak’ just like you were describing, feeling like maybe I’m making a huge mistake, but deep down I know that’s fear talking. I’m losing so much, i have moments where I feel like I literally can’t breathe. Your story is what I fear would happen to me if I went back…that even though I love him, it’s really never going to work and I need to deal with this now…or deal with something even worse later.
    How has it been? My name’s Sarah, too. 🙂

  • Josh

    It’s been just over a month now since I moved out on my own and started my own life. We were together 12yrs and I went from living with my parents to with her. Never done it by myself and my ex did everything. It’s extremely tough but when you have no choice but to adapt and survive, I just take one day at a time a do what feels right. The loneliness is my worst problem and even though I can talk better to my ex than before I try not to. She has moved on and it hurts but I know I feel better in finding myself. Talking to friends and a professional is helping me feel im in the right direction.

  • adam

    How do women just switch off their feelings? I spent 2 and a quarter years with a woman who in space of 5 days went from “your the beat thing in my life” to “I don’t love you anymore” . I keep finding myself scrutinising everything that I do and my minds on overdrive 24/7. Can’t stop thinking about why has this happened? What has done this and how can I get through this.

  • Mr Ben

    Needed this. Thank you. I loved her so much, now she is a blurry shape that I cannot reach out to anymore…

  • Gettingthere

    I have just stumbled across this amazing website recently. I have only just recently ended it with my partner. These articles are truly helping me deal with the stress of having to end a relationship not based on a loss of love but due to it being better for us to walk separate paths for a while. I would just like to say thank you so much for giving me something to read and something to interpret to help myself. 🙂

  • Kevin

    My girlfriend of two and a half years broke up with me today. We have been walking on egg shells for a few months now but just recently she opened up to me about something very personal. That she has never told anyone before. It showed signs of hope. That we were going to be ok. Things were great for a week and than it slowly went back to where it was. Awkward and unsure. I wanted to talk about it. Solve things in the relationship but it she didn’t want to talk. And when we did she was instantly mad that we were. Im sitting here typing this out wondering why this happened. It hurts so much to know how much effort I put into this relationship and it resulting in this. It hurts to feel alone and to wonder what I may have done wrong. I’m looking back and trying to see aspects of her that I just can’t stand or see myself living with. It helps a bit. But its also hard right now because when I look back I also think of the good times we had. The times that we were fine and showing love to each other. This sucks and its killing me sitting in my room by myself without her by my side.

  • Truth

    Loneliness can be a very serious thing for many of us that are very weak minded. Where as Cancer kills Quick and fast which Loneliness is a very slow and painful death. Better to be alone than having Cancer, that is for sure.

  • Jeremy H.

    Thank you. I just broke up with the first boyfriend I ever had. Like yours, it was new and exciting but for different reasons. Turned out he realized he wasn’t in love with me anymore before I realized the same for him. I still love him as a human being and as a friend. I want to be friends with him because he’s one of the few people in this world that can get and understand me. We definitely went about it too fast and aren’t the best match, but Becky is right. I need to embrace all the good we did have and realize that even though it’s over with him, the door is open for another guy to come into my life who will make me feel more joy and affection than he could ever give me. I just need to stop dwelling and get distracted while i wait for the first sentence in the next chapter of my life.

  • chiquita

    Thanks i really needed to hear this .I was in a relationship that wasn’t healthy and not even happy i blamed myself for everything that wasn’t right about it i feel so not good enough loneliness I have a lot of health problems that he will get mad and say mind reacking things that makes me feel worthless don’t know how to get it out of my mind i don’t feel like the scars will ever heal just don’t feel good enough or if any man will love me for who i am!!!!!!!

  • malfunctioned

    You are literally summing up my feelings with this post. But I am still in a relationship, but I feel like it’s not coming from both ways anymore. He loves me, but for me all the excitement is gone and I don’t feel that connected with him anymore in a lot of ways we are different. I’ve changed a lot over the years, he’s older than me, has more experience in life and I do not… And I struggle with that feeling that I want to discover the world alone on my own terms. I’m struggeling with trying to stay invested in the relationship and I’m really, really scared of breaking up. He’s still important to me. But I know that if we break-up, he’d want nothing to do with me anymore, because he has been certain from day one that I was the one and he didn’t have to look any further anymore and he’s made clear in the past that he could never be friends with the girl that he’s in love with.
    Life takes crazy turns and I understand that now, it took me a while to really see that. Like you, we’d have the occasional happy holiday and we’d be on good terms for long times on end, but there isn’t much that we agree on and the discussions we have all lead to nothing. So usually we have no discussions and we are pretty quiet, I don’t know, the relationship we have feels dull. He refuses to change anything and to be really honest, I refuse to too, because I think in the end I’d be the one to make the big sacrifices, I’d have to move far away from family that I hold dearly to live with him. We’ve been together for almost 6 1/2 years and we still don’t live together, mainly has to do with me, not wanting to move where he lives and him not wanting to compromise. When I read my own post it’s like I already know my answer to what it is that I have to do next… But it’s so hard, I keep postponing, because it’s not like we are constantly fighting or on bad terms. But I also know, that settling for easy now, that will become harder with time, is not going to be the way to go. I’m not scared to be alone, by any means, I function the best when I am alone. But I’m scared for hurting him. Difficult.

  • Dart

    I just ended a relationship with a woman I was planning to propose to within the next few months a very short time ago. We were absolutely amazing through college, but once we were out in the real world she refused to make an effort as well as ran through a whole gauntlet of emotional and mental issues I had never seen before in her. Meanwhile, here I am doing my best to console her and make her feel like nothing was her fault (like an idiot).

    Things seemed to be getting back to normal and we got a small apartment together. For two weeks, she seemingly ignored me. One night, I told her we needed to talk… and it ended with her explaining she was no longer attracted to me, and that she had been confiding in my best friend who had been being “very attentative” to her. But that she didn’t give up easily and was willing to try and make it work between us! Needless to say, I moved out with the greatest sense of betrayal I’ve ever felt.

    Moral of the story, even through the worst feelings of loneliness, like I woke up with today (hence, why I’m here)… being in a bad relationship is many, many times worse than being single. No matter the reason for the break up, it is the right choice.

  • Brittany

    It was great reading it,just ended my year long relationship with a narcissist, was very abusive mentally. It’s just heartbreaking to think you cared for a person that doesn’t care of your feelings and they are just ok with you breaking it off. It makes you feel hopeless of finding true happiness at times or if there are any people who don’t play games, but this definitely uplifted my spirits.

  • Lala

    I feel thankful thay my recently ended relationship was 10 months after reading this. But it still stings…I was happy but he wasn’t ready to make a life with me like he originally thought. Completely blindsided. I miss my friend.

  • hope breeds despair

    I hate the world and everyone in it. There is no such thing as love and commitment anymore. The world has changed and there’s no place for love in it. No one is loyal, no one tries and people move on far to easily. Yes I’m sour because I gave all of myself to someone who was ‘in love’ with me. Now they say they feel nothing and never truely loved me. I have nothing left to give and nothing has comforted me, I’ve been reading everyone’s experience’s on several sites and I can only see betrayal and hopelessness. Love doesn’t exist.

  • hope breeds despair

    You need to talk all of this out with him, I’m destroyed over what happened to me, which was very similar to your situation. I’m bitter and feel nothing because that is a very fixable situation if both people try. I heard all of the problems after she left me leaving me even more heartbroken that she didn’t try. Don’t let a good thing go easy because the things in life worth having don’t come easy. If it doesn’t work out at least you know you tried.

  • nswan

    I’m 2 weeks post break-up with what sounds like the exact same man. Even though I knew it wasn’t healthy the pain is still monumental with him gone. I feel the worst lonlieness and despair while all my loved ones are celebrating our demise cause they knew how bad he was for me. This is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced and I wake up wishing each day it will be different but it’s not.

  • Williams Harryson

    Hello everybody, my names is Cindy Davis Am from Canada i want to give thanks and honor to Dr.ogaga for the great work he did for me, he brought my lover within 24 hours which i never taught it will ever come through in my life, but this great man Dr. ogaga proved to me that powers can do wonders, i got his contact from a friend in the USA who he helped, this friend of mine told me that this man is great but i felt as him are you sure? cause i hardly believe those kind of things,so she told me not to worry that when i contact him, that she is guaranteeing me 100% that my lover will come back that if it does not work that she will be the one to give me back my money, to show her sincerity to me, she gave me her car that if it does not work that and she did not pay me the money that i spent that she i should collect her car and she gave me all the documents, i was so so surprised she was very serious about it so that was how i contacted him and i told him what i want he just told me that everything will be done within 24 hours so with the assurance my friend gave me i was having confident, so in the next 24 hours that he told me i just heard a knock on my door i never knew it was mark, so that was how i opened the door the first thing he did was to go on his knees, he started begging me to forgive him that he is very sorry for everything, i was really surprised and was also happy, so that was how i forgive him and now we are living together happily than ever before, and am using the media to invite my friends on my wedding which will coming up on 30/10/2013, am very happy thanks be to Lucy who gave me his contact and honor be onto Great DR. ogaga who helped a lot, if you need his help or you want to thank him for me you can contact him through:dr.ogagaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  • hearts

    I just came out on an 8 yrs relationship last october, he just suddenly left me with no closure at all. Its hard since i thought he is the one that i’ll spend my life with. Km so lonely and depressed. Please help me

  • KHim

    This really a hell and it’s driving me crazy as well

  • Lynn Przybylski

    Thank you, thank you. My last relationship was very similar except I left once and tried a second time. We just broke up again for the second time. OMG I hurt so bad. I truly love him deeply, however it will never work because he does not want to do the work to change or make the relationship work. One person cannot give 150% all the time while the other only gives 50% or even less. It also seems that major depression cycles with narcisstic personalities and that’s a whole other problem to deal with. Cannot do it anymore. Life is too short. I hope to heal quickly and wholly and not return for a third round.

  • All in stride

    I really needed this. I broke up with my ex months ago I was doing great, optimistic and up beat until recently I saw she’s dating someone else. This devastated me I fell into loneliness and some depression. What makes it worst is that I didn’t understand why I was feeling this. I was fine until I saw her new boyfriend. I just don’t get it. The “realized there is nothing to fix” paragraph resonated with me. I have this urge to find someone new as soon as if it is some kind of competition.

    It still hurts but I am no longer trying to understand why or play the victim. I am just going to take it day by day.

  • Mark

    I read this article and all of the posts daily. It helps me get through the evenings. I’m one of those people who made his world revolve around the person he loved. I made the mistake of cutting out most friends I could have had because I just wanted to put my all into my relationship. I loved all of the time we spent together. I have known him for 19 years; when we first met I was dealing with the death of my first boyfriend I had been with for 7 years. I was not ready. So after 5 years he left me. Little did I know, I really did love him. 5 years later we reconnected and dated a few months, but he was getting over a relationship, I was there to help him through it. I thought there may be some chance I could get him back. But he ended up deciding he wanted to date around and then settled with someone for 9 years. I ended up drinking my life away and messed up a lot of other people’s lives. 9 years later he came to me, but again he was just getting out of a 9 year relationship, but I could not risk the chance of losing again. He said I was the only one that could understand him. I should have known. I tried to keep myself grounded because I did not want to be the rebound. But soon I fell again. We were together every day for 5 months. I really had never been so happy. Talked about living together, painted rooms, bought comforters, went to the park; eating out. I said I would see it through, I would be there. Then, one night the bottom dropped out. Out of nowhere he said he was not ready for this and I could no longer stay the night. Then he started going out to the bars, trying to meet new “friends”. All of the texts stopped. He did not call or wanted to see me. But I still love him. This time I’m not a drunk, I am worth it and he knows it. But this killed me. My grandpa died, 2 days after he left I had to put my cat to sleep, and then I had to have surgery. He was not there. He knew but didn’t even ask if I needed anything. I had no one to help me. I’m lost, the pain just stays there. The loneliness is unbearable, I feel like the walls are caving in. I tried to commit suicide twice, and I never had meant it before. This time I did and tried. I had nothing. My mom was drinking non-stop. I had no one to turn to, no friends, nothing. To sit and feel like you’re no longer important to no one is the worst. I’m not just grieving over 5 months; I’m grieving over 19 years. I have been in 4 other long term relationships, but I know what true love is and it is him. Over all these years, it has always been him. I get sick thinking about him with someone else. I know he has to work through his grief. But I don’t want to do the same thing he is doing, the bars etc. I’ve started going to meditation groups. I started volunteering for a group that tries to save animals. I struggle just to do laundry. I don’t know how I’m doing this. I sit here scared. How did I let myself get here? What do I do now? I don’t eat unless it’s in the middle of the night because I’m not really awake to realize what has happened. How do I meet friends, how do I get any energy to do anything. I can barely work and almost lost my job. I don’t know where to go. I don’t think about suicide now, I just feel a loneliness I can hardly bare. I just want to sleep so I don’t think. Then I wake up in such a panic it’s unbearable. Help, I don’t know what to do. I feel dead inside. There is no one close I can talk to except my therapist. When I go I feel like every door opens in desperation crying uncontrollably. Thanksgiving was a total panic attack. Now Christmas is coming. I’m alone, but don’t have much energy to meet people. And when I’m around people I don’t want to talk. It’s a catch 22. People don’t want to be around me. I feel like this won’t get better because I have loved him all this time, even when I was in other relationships. I just want a chance with him. I want to hold on, but am I fooling myself? Is he worth this? He’s a good man under the crap. He treated me so well during those 5 months.

  • Mark

    I know it rips at every aspect of your heart. My first partner died, it took me years to get past that.. but now many years later, I somehow did. And even more oddly enough I did meet someone else, granted he does not want me at this time in his life as he too is getting over a previous relationship. But the real shocking part… I was able to fall again and never realized it. I would have sworn on a stack of bibles this was NOT possible. I know that treading water feeling. Mine is being in a lake near a dock and I can’t swim and I can barely get my mouth to the surface, and there is not a sole around to take my hand. I see your post was 5 months ago. I hope you are better.

  • Mark

    I go to sleep each night hoping I sleep for a long time then I wake up in panic. Each day it changes. Now it’s just depression. But I went to sleep last night wondering what he may be doing after just stopping talking to me. But then I thought about the people who were actually – talking to me (which is very few) – for the first time I realized they are just as precious, if not more than the love I lost. I forgot to cherish them.. just as my ex chose not to cherish me and my feelings, I have a choice. Try hard to keep each person in your life, as precious. There are people outside of what you went through, But it’s hard to let go of our passion we had for our ex. Try analyzing… who.. is worth it in your life. Slowly.. in the background you will hear small pieces fall back to the ground of when your life was turned upside down. The sad part, if you feel love for this person.. that means love does still exist.. and there is another person thinking the exact same thing as you at this very minute.

  • Mark

    I get nervous just driving in the area where my ex lives. It is an unrealistic fear for someone I know is not good for me. My emotions of “competition” are from instinct, not reality. I have to think it through and go “what the hell would I want from this person”. Yeah.. I’m lonely.. but what good would it do to make quick decisions based off reasons in reality would not be good ideas. Yeah, I’m depressed.. but it is better than the non-stop crying before this.

  • Mark

    Well… the first year is crap. I don’t know how else to say that. But in that time – things change in you that you can’t see. You will eventually begin to feel them. A stronger sense of compassion. The ending with no closure is very hard. This usually means they know it was an issue on their side but too hard to touch it right now. The issue is more than likely not you. These are the ones that tend to come back years later with explanations. I’m lonely and depressed too. My life was all in my relationship, so very few friends. all are acquaintances more than anything. So lonely is all around me. but I’m pushing myself to join groups.. ASKING friends I may have not talked to in years to dinner.. Sometimes I have the energy.. other times no. I have to take care of me and my emotions when they happen. Do the same.

  • heaven

    You will get through this Mark. Stay healthy and focused on you and you will get through this.

  • Rob

    It’s interesting to see how many people are out there who are experiencing what I am right now. My partner and best friend for 3 years suddenly ended things with me and cut all communication with me in November this year. 6 weeks on I was still quite numb but keeping my life on track. Then by pure accident I stumble across the fact she is now with someone else. Like many of, this was the person I was destined to marry and now I feel like my world has been ripped apart and not sure how to move forwards.

  • kelsey

    needed to read this, thank you <3

  • Sanjay

    Good to read. Sometime as difficult as it is to accept the end of a failing relationship because you feel guilt on your part on many different levels, it’s better to understand it will just destroy you even more if you continue to keep repeating that cycle.

    With time and focus on self improvement it helped me to feel better.

    🙂

  • Misha

    This was beautiful. Now I’m just questioning the whole point of relationships. We’ve experienced love at its peak. But if they always have to end, why bother going through the trouble over and over hoping it’ll work out with somebody. :/

  • Snowflake of the Month

    This will sound strange, but trust me:

    Move the furniture. Change the positions of pictures on the walls and change where all the furniture is. Paint the color of the room differently if possible.

    You’ll be surprised how well this re-sets the female brain to “Um, who was this dude again?”

  • GoodAnswer

    I wouldn’t even wish Loneliness on my Worst enemy, that is how badly it Sucks.

  • Tony

    God, I feel exactly what you are saying. Same thing here: she tells me she loves me one day, and the next day she is with someone else. I am so confused and shatered.

  • Meg

    Hi! I just got dumped by my bf of 3 yrs yesterday and we also started dating when I was 17 and he 18. He moved to a different college recently and I really thought we could do it! He is also an amazing guy which is why I stayed but lately he has been distant. He is so focused on starting new at his university that he began to lose interest in trying to work things out with me. He confused me for months about his feelings for me and all of a sudden he dumps me. I couldn’t believe it but he stopped trying. I still love him very much even though he was acting like an insensitive jerk for months. I always saw the sweet, romantic guy I fell in love with but he’s changed so much and it’s hard for me to accept.

    In the end I am confused and don’t know how to cope and go through this. He is doing fine and is not even in any emotional stress. He has lots of things to distract him while I’m here left with no true friends.

    I know your comment was written a while ago and hope that you are doing better now. After a couple of months have you recovered and moved on? How did you do it?

  • lonelyhearted

    Please can someone post an update on how you are doing now. I still feel so empty and sad even thought I know it was the right choice. I miss him even tho I was lonelier in the relationship than I am now… now im alone. I fear if he turns up I will go back. I feel like I dont belong anywhere and need to know that someone from a year ago has got through it. 🙁

  • lonelyhearted

    Are you ok now joy? Hows things a year on?

  • Heartbroken87

    Hello everyone, like you guys I am here because I am going through the exact same things, I am a 27 year old guy who lost his mother less than a month ago, I then find out last night that my girlfriend of almost 3 years has cheated on me (a shared kiss with the same sex) now don’t get me wrong, I can easily dismiss a kiss but she just doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore she says and I feel that she is throwing away a long-term relationship away in order to follow list, she is 21 and let me tell you, she was the best girlfriend I ever had, very loyal, loving and caring but unfortunately she is very easily influenced by outside parties. I’m not too sure where I was going with this post but I feel that I need to speak about this even if it is with the Internet, I have fallen in to the trap which every guy(or girl) falls in yo and that’s begging; I’ve begged and pleaded with her and realise that it is the wrong thing to do as is the really does push them away further! But sometimes we can’t help our selves and continue to do these things because our heart over rides our head. Just know that everyone here or who has ever posted here are all in the SAME boat, we are all experiencing pain on different levels and in different ways. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I will update on this website every week and let everyone here know the processes I am going through. Good luck to everyone in their lives.

  • Jack

    Just got dumped today (valentines day) of all days by a wonderful person, who struggled with a similar situation described by the author. i, unfortunately, am still very attached to this girl, and am in quite an emotional rut.

  • K.

    I have been in a 7 year relationship… We just recently broke up like a month ago and I am finding it so hard adjust to being alone and not having the Comfort of having someone that was always around. In that time we were engaged for almost a year. I guess when you with someone for so long you know when something is wrong. I felt her change and I knew that she was distancing herself from me. I believe she kind of had someone else but that’s speculation. I do know though that when u are with some for so long, U can tell when your partner has changed. I really loved her and really fought to be with her, but you can only have so much fight in you when your partner is not reciprocating and lost interest…

    I know it was for the best as being in a relationship where you have no trust or communication is doomed to fail no matter how much you love that person.

    I have been out on a couple dates to keep my mind of things but it became a temporary fix/ distraction. I am so scared that I will never find the right women. I am a man of morals and values and I believe that relationships are hard, but if both individuals can sit down and have the correct communication and understanding then you can work things out. People nowadays rather run away then fight to stay together because they believe there are better prospects out there.

    I still do really care about her but I know things are completely over… I am trying everything to shake this twisting emptiness in myself out like going to gym constantly, being with friends and trying to keep myself busy… Honestly its so sooo hard.

    I know time heels all wounds, but I just need to move on and be happy again. I just never experienced this before and I don’t know how to.

  • Хусейн Мирахмади

    What lesson ? you’re trying to believe in a meaning for this stupid experience .

  • Katie

    Your words are my words. However it was my boyfriend of 2yrs and we had just moved into a house together. Men switch off too, and just can’t deal with it so they don’t talk and package everything up and move on to the next thing.
    My mind continues to search for understanding and comprehension. I know I must let go of that; it will never happen. There is no reason. I must learn to accept, let go, and move on.

  • Katie

    I appreciated both this article and those who have shared below. I would like to share two quotes that have helped me as I seek out healing and happiness after a difficult heartbreak.
    Some days are brutal, but then some days are sprinkled with new little joys. Hope. It will get better. This I trust.
    Create a new narrative for yourself.
    What do you tell yourself about who you are and what is possible? What can you shift…maybe it is a small step in the right direction that will be the spark that changes it all.

    “No bird can fly without opening its wings, and no one can love without exposing their heart”

    “As a seed buried in the earth cannot imagine itself as an orchid or hyacinth, neither can a heart packed with hurt imagine itself loved or at peace. the courage of the seed is that once cracking, it cracks all the way.”

    -Mark Nepo
    The Book of Awakening

  • kamau

    thank you so much.

  • FearingWhatIsToCome

    So needed this. In a 16 year relationship that’s been stuck for a few years now. Neither of us have the courage to walk away. I know it’s time but I fear the loneliness and pain that will come. Your article and the comments gives me hope that there is life after a failed relationship.

  • manda

    I know EXACTLY how you feel.
    My boyfriend and I dated for 2 years, and he is the love of my life. We just had our two year anniversary and I couldn’t have been happier. Then he tells me one night of all of these doubts he’s having, and he doesn’t see a future for us. Very similar to your situation of your boyfriend saying it felt more like a routine, mine said it felt more like a friendship. Yet he was speaking of marriage just 6 months ago.
    I am absolutely heartbroken.
    I know you wrote this 6 months ago, have things gotten better?

    -manda

  • Audric Ma

    We just broke-up two days ago on February 18th, 2015 and I was taking it hard. She is fine with the idea of being friends, but the reason for the break-up was just that she had lost feelings for me. I know what I did wrong, but she couldn’t seem to figure it out for some reason. I’m still in love, but I’m pretty sure she’s doing perfectly fine. It’s like a hole in my life and it made me realized how lonely I truly was. The memories just started pouring in and it’s not stopping. It was some of the happiness moments of my not-so-happy life. I’m so happy for her ever being in my life, but the pain that came with it is a bit too much for me. Never felt anything like this and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m still in love and I still can’t believe that this really happened. It feels like it’s all a dream. Just a few days before the break-up, on Friday, February 13th, 2015, she still told me she loved me, but she was just “in denial”. I was heart-broken even further when she said she felt nothing during our last kiss, but I felt everything that was right in this world. That was the difference and I just don’t like this is reality. I know I should let go, but I keep giving myself false hope. I love her still and I can’t seem to stop.

  • Wella

    Hi, can we still write in?

  • Lost in my thoughts

    Best Ive read so far Thank you. I feel lonely too from time to time, especially dealing with break up and being pregnant with my ex baby. But that’s the way life is put out for me. I have to move on and embrace the beauty that is soon to be a part of my life. My first son.

  • fay

    My husband of 7years just said the marriage is over leaving me with 2kids and no job…..I can’t describe how broken and depressed I am now..

  • alittlebrokenhearted

    I’m so glad I found this. It will definitely make my breakup a little bit easier.

  • marcuscent

    Hey i dont usly rigth on thes thing s but it s good to see iam normal iam goin thro my frist real love and its werid . Cose it woz online also long distence never woz ment to happing also but it look so good if eny thing i woz the negtive one and the pusher away cose my own douts …OCD< . Cut a long stroye short been seen ing for 1year and she made clear to me it woz me she wanted prob more then she needed to . But now nuffin no word back to contac no its over no its not over nuffin …. so lost hurt and comfued and heartbroken for the frist time which i never thout a could love or some one love me which she brout out of me also ….

  • saya

    This is my 5th day after the break up… He apparently cannot be with someone who cannot stay up till 4am partying and getting hammered (Very mature right?!), I’ve always tried to be there for him, make sure everything is okay etc (he had a rough life when he was younger and his parents arent the kinda parents who give a rats ass about their kids and beat them up and…) He literally said while breaking up with me that I am an amazing person and that he loves me to death and will always love me, but that now he feels like I am being a mother :S Who the hell says that !?!? I was sooo angry when he said that! I still am… I am better off.. i know that.. It was such a surprise to me esp that he put in alot of effort to make valentines day the best valentines he’s ever given me.. makes me think that he knew it was gona happen and tried to compensate somehow for it… we had dreams and plans and.. His bestfriend was such a bad influence.. always telling him how he wishes he was still single so that they can both go out drinking and hooking up .. I just feel sad and heartbroken and… does any of that make sense!? Most of the men here are going to say wow that is a big no no but I went through his phone a few month back (and if anyone says “if you go looking for something you are going to find it” I am gona scream.. what kinda stupid excuse is that!? why would there be anything!?”) and i noticed that he has been talking to his bestfriend about me.. not good stuff.. and he has been lying to me about flirting with girls… I confronted him and he flipped and denied everything… and later on he says “well its normal guyz flirt with their firends all the time” (well excuse me… you just met that girl for the second time ever).. i just feel stupid.. I am so far away from all my friends that I cant really talk to any of them about this…I am trying to get my life back together… I have an interview for a new job soon… I hope i get it! i know it’ll help me.. esp since him and I work for the same company…

  • katerob93

    My boyfriend of 5 1/2 years , and my fiance of 6 months a total of 6 years together
    was cheating on me behind my back, and eventually when I figured him out about 3 months into his affair he had already moved out and moved on. I’m devastated and so lonely. I did not see this coming. I was blindsided. He acts like I never existed and has completely forgotten about me, and us in only 2 weeks. Did he ever even love me? Was everything a lie? My boyfriend is a Narcissist as well. I’m heart broken and lost and he could care less.

  • Jane

    Me and my partner are pretty much at that stage knowing its probably over but not wanting to be the one to force the issue for fear of being alone and heartbroken

  • NOne

    Wowowow this is the exact story of mine. Broke up this morning and now im empty.

  • heartbroken

    I broke up with my boyfriend who I’ve been with for past 4 years. We had on and off relationship but he would always come back telling me what I wanted to hear (telling me he will take me to his country, Nepal) without following up with any actions. When I finally realized that he will never ever try anything for me, I realized that it is time to move on and NEVER look back. I will be single but happy. It will be lonely but I have my family and friends who cares about me. I will not look back. It hurts me but not as much as I felt when he broke up with me for the first time. I will rather be alone than marry someone who will occasionally cheat on me for fun (without feeling any guilt), push or shove me (without thinking that it could possibly be abuse), or curse me. There are just too much unresolved issues and if he is not willing to work on them (urging me that I should just forget whatever the wrongdoing he has done), I just can’t. We have so much odds against us in the first place and I just dont want to put up with this anymore. Moreover, keeping my relationship a secret (because my bf urged me to) from my family and friends is too much stress for me. I am giving up on him. But, I wont give up on my life.

  • DiB

    It does get better but I understand your wanting the pain to go away. My husband left me 6 months ( 13 yrs of marriage) ago as I was dealing with my father dying. I lost the 2 most important men in my life within months. The loneliness has been terrible. It is easing . What has been helpful for me is journaling- writing down my thoughts of anger , pain, sadness etc. Also making note of why my relationship ended and all the negatives. Also I would suggest if you are not seeing a professional do so. Talking out all your emotions is good. Lastly be gentle with yourself and don’t rush the healing process. You will get there in your own time.

  • Jamila

    Thank you. This made me feel less alone. I have been trying to distract myself from the feelings of loneliness by baking, shopping, watching endless TV shows…and every time I think that “okay, maybe after doing x or y I will feel better and move on” but obviously, it doesn’t work that way. I also keep on thinking “How did I end up being in this position? This is so not me and so not what I wanted to be doing in my life now”. Being scared of not finding anyone who will love me, as I only let few people get close to me, is adding to the loneliness equation. Your post has calmed me down…that with time…things will get okay.

  • J.J.

    It has been 2 months since we broke it off. And we both knew it was not going to work. The first month was a feeling of relief. Now I feel very lonely. I have not seen anyone since we broke it off. I am not ready to put myself out there yet. I keep thinking of her. But only the good when there was more bad.

  • J.J.

    K this is also me , I go to the gym like crazy visit my friends. But I still think of her every day. Even though I knew it was never going to work. Just wanted you to know that you are not the only person dealing with it.

  • Lo

    I feel the same way! I can honestly say that I knew I was trying way too hard to make something work that wasn’t going to work. It is still so hard though to accept that I am without him. Thank you for somehow validating my own feelings!

  • Lydia laures

    I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex love back. I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when I meet a friend that introduce me to DR Olawole the great messenger to the whole world who God has given him the grace to help people in their relationships, I narrated my problem to DR Olawole about how my ex love left me and also how I needed to get a job in a very big company. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were I will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what i need to do, After it was been done, In the next 2 days, My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness, I was called for an interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director.. I am so happy and overwhelmed that I have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR Olawole at the following email address and get all your problem solve.. No problem is too big for him to solve. Contact him direct on: ugbeninspellsolutiontemple@gmail.com And get your problems solve like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: ugbeninspellsolutiontemple@gmail.comII will not stop sharing his name because he done a very great job for me now my mind is full of happiness.

  • Buddhabuba1

    I was recently dumped and experienced a deep sense of longing and loneliness particulary as just the breakup came just 5months after my mother dies of SADS and just a week following the death of my nan who died of advanced breast cancer 🙁 This person i now realise couldn’t give me the support i needed because he was too selfabsorbed and selfish…I took every type of drug with this person not realising at the time someone who truly cared for me would not think this a normal solution. It hurts to see someones true self after such a lifechanging event …I wish he could have been there and i feel like I won’t be able to cope without someone..but through this I have learnt im an incredibly strong person and deserve someone better so no matter how sucicidal you feel or lonley just remember it can only get better and live everyday being the person you want to be because you only get one life to be happy 🙂

  • Vee

    My experience isn’t dissimilar to all you guys. In the midst of loneliness and a break up its easy to feel like ur the only person in the world feeling like this, especially as I see people getting married and having children nearly everyday of the week, which don’t get me wrong, but I feel really hurt because I think, why can’t that be me?.why are others finding happiness and I am doomed to failing relationships?.. I’ve just came out of a four year relationship because quite frankly we wanted different things, different priorities, he was keen on wanting kids, I’m just not ready at the moment and he couldn’t accept that. To make things worse I don’t live in my home country so our split has left me literally high and dry…my plan is to move home as there is nothing here for me anymore. I cannot comprehend why ther person who is supposed to love u, can’t wait until I am ready for such a big commitment, it’s not exactly as if it’s going to get him kids any quicker?

  • OpheliaA

    I don’t know if anyone still posts here but I thought I’d give it a shot because sometimes it’s just best to write it out. My boyfriend of 3 years and I reached a mildly amicable decision to end our relationship. I wanted out for months because he wouldn’t put forth effort. I wasn’t asking him to take care of me or to do anything hard, just text, call, visit when you can, support my dreams. It’s been tumultuous to say the least for most of these years but we were sure we wanted a life together. We talked about what our life would be like, what our “first dance” song would be, what type of wedding dress I would wear, my favorite gemstones for the engagement ring…we made plans and now we don’t have these plans anymore. I feel so many things- happy because I’m free from a bad relationship, sad because I thought I was “done” and had my guy, scared-what if I’m alone forever, relieved, and a million other things. In the midst of erratic crying and fits of just not wanting the next few months of my life to be interrupted, I’m trying to remain rational…even though it’s day 2 of dealing with the breakup. I’m trying to be amicable, I’m trying to feel my feelings but then I get angry for feeling them because the idea of crying and feeling this terrible because of another person is so silly.

    I know that hopefully 5-6 months from now, I’ll look back on this and beat myself up if I wasted even a second of recovery but I just wish it didn’t have to be so uncomfortably painful. I wish i didn’t have to walk around feeling like I’m dead on my feet and like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. How terrible it will be to wake up everyday and feel that way. Living in the largest most lonely city ever (NYC) won’t help me much. I guess if anyone has any words of wisdom or kind words, I could absolutely use them. Thank you for reading my rant.

  • OpheliaA

    That’s what I am/did go through and while you may feel that it’s not the right decision, it’s a far better decision to make. It’s painful, and it sucks- I don’t remember the last time I felt this horrible but I would like to believe that it gets better so maybe find some solace and hope in that 🙂

  • Jd

    I had the same problem, she was the love of my life. I honestly don’t know where I went wrong. I tried to communicate with her as to what went wrong but her reply was that she just wasn’t feeling me anymore while two days ago she couldn’t stop telling me how much she loved me and how we were great together. I am crushed, it has been 3 months since our break up and I can’t seem to stop thinking about her.

  • JCAD

    Holy shit man you took the words out of my mouth! Our situation is soooo similar only I dated my ex for a year and a half, However in that year and a half we made soooo many fun memories that its really hard for me to sway it away.
    Everytime I go to walmart I remember our routinely fun competition on who can find a person with the same exact name since we both have very common names and who ever lost had to cook for the whole day and wash dishes. Our constant teasing of each other, the little things she did for me that never went unnoticed. We had zoo much fun together but since I had to move out to a different state for my job, our relationship became rocky and she started becoming less interested in me. She started listening to her friends gossiping about how i can possibly be cheating on her, While I was away but that wasn’t the case she was all I needed, but she didn’t believe although I would talk to her and send her snapchats of myself every hour. Then one day she told me that it was over and she had found someone else. It broke me, tears automatically started dripping down my checks uncontrollably, I didn’t know what to do and i still don’t (hence why I’m here). Its been 3 months now and I’m still shook. I heard from a mutual friend that she is now engaged and is very happy with her life. A part of me is happy for her and part of me is grieving that the man she is happy with is not me. Im heart broken and I feel as if my life has no point. Hopefully soon ill wake up in the morning without reminiscing waking up next to her. I loved her solo much and I forever will.

  • Valeria Garcia

    I’m going through it also. On December my girlfriend confessed in a huge letter how she felt about us. How she wanted to start a life with me. On Feb she felt different that I was just a stepping stone to her. And that we should move forward. Gosh it was unreal. We dated for 10 months. She told me she really liked me.

  • Valeria Garcia

    Exactly me

  • A boy in love

    I got engaged to my fiancee 9 months ago, actually it was arranged by my family and the girls family, during the initial days after the engagement i was not that happy because it was not going to be a love marriage , but i had to talk to the girl everyday since i got engaged to her, gradually i started liking her and i found out that in fact she was a wonderful girl and lovable, for 4 months we talked, i didn’t let her know that i started loving her a lot. But since just before engagement i graduated and still i was looking for a job, i thought of paying full attention to looking for a job so that i could marry her and keep her happy. so i stopped talking to her for 3 months and started preparing and lookin for a job, and my fiancee understood that i hoped, i just wanted to end her miserable days soon by getting a job and get married, now i got a job one month ago as an engineer in an industry, working happily thinking my family and her family will now talk and fix the date for marriage. During these days without her, i always felt that she was always beside me strengthening my determination. But two days before my father sent me a message that the marriage is cancelled because the girl ran away with someone and was caught. I felt devastated and tried calling him the same evening but could not because of network error. Next morning i called the girl to know firsthand about everything. she told me that she didn’t run away with anyone. But a boy in the locality started following her. So she and her family registered a case and put him behind the bars. But a false word spread through the whole talk that she actually ran away with him. My fiancee told me that was all only a rumour and nothing else. But that word reached the ears of my father and he believed it totally and could not tolerate the insult in the locality. I was working in a different state of our country and told my father and even quarelled with and shouted at him and told him to please go my fiancee’s house and talk to the girl and her family and find out about the real situation. But he didn’t listen. He said he is not going to talk to the girl’s family but will go to her home and straightaway say no to them for marriage and will break the engagement. Yesterday evening he did the same, he believed only the town people’s made up word and cancelled the engagement at her home and didn’t even enquired about anything and just said NO and left. I called my fiancee that evening and she told me that my father said no. I told her and her family that I WILL MARRY HER i will never ever talk to my father gain who is such foolish. But the girl is from a good family and can not marry her to me without my father’s consent. I repeatedly told them that my father is an old thought foolish person, no body can make him say yes, i also told the girl that my father said if i want to marry her, go ahead but never come home and talk to him whole life. I said okay.
    But the girl’s family tells me to bring my father’s consent, I said he will never. But i am ready to marry without my family. But the girl’s family told me to make my father ready or break the relationship with my fiancee now and never call again. I told them then to let me talk to her on phone for the last time. And i told her with heavy heart that she should not worry, she will get a much better boy than me, and i could not tell her that that i loved her a lot because otherwise we would not be able to forget each other after. And i remembered the day of our engagement when I could see that she was feeling the happiest person in the world and the when i didn’t know her much and the day today when i loved her most in the world. I struggled and got a job for both of us so that we could lead a happy life, but she’ll never be with me ever. Right now while i am writing these i am crying and there are tears in my eyes. I then i told her that we will end it as nicely as we started and say goodbye to each other. And then after we talked for the last time the moment came and i took her name and said goodbye and then she followed “Goodbye”.
    She will remain my heartthrob for ever and ever and i wish all the happiness in her life.She became my dream girl and unfortunately will remain only as a dream.

  • Holly

    I am going through breakup and found your article to be very helpful, sometimes just the simple acknowledgement that we are only human and all experience loss/seperations in our own ways is the most comforting. Thank you for the reminder that its OK to feel how I do, even though some days I feel I am going crazy but its OK… It will pass.

  • miranda

    I needed to hear this tonight. It’s been 3 months and I keep saying to myself “I should be over this by now” I’m trying to push myself through to the other side in hopes the pain will just fade away someday. It’s so easy to take other routes but in the end the only way to get over the bridge is to go through it. Thanks again

  • cillam

    I am going through something very similar. How did you get on with your life? I feel like im barely functioning anymore and can barely make it through the day. 🙁

  • dsb

    Thanks for writing this! I know that lonely feeling, and I hate it! I hope your next day is a brighter one!

  • kelly

    I have just broke up with my partner after 10 years we have 3 kids together I find myself trying to get back with him he keeps telling me he loves me I feel like he is playing with my emotions we split up because I had a break down and needed a break now I feel like my life has fell apart

  • Kevan

    I am trawling the web to try to find a solution to my loneliness and pain after 14 year relationship was ended by Wendy. She was everything to me but after her Christmas holiday she came back and declared that she no longer wanted the relationship just to remain as friends. This lasted for 4 months seeing each other occasionally over lunch or a drink which just left me more frustrated and upset (this is a big no no) I am very depressed and hurting like never before and truly struggling to concentrate sleep and think of anything but her. I may fall into a light sleep and during which I think of hanging myself to get rid of the pain.

  • Pam

    Thank you so much for putting words to where I am in my breakup journey.

  • Hoping

    Same thing here Adam – we got engaged 3 months ago …..I took her to Paris for the engagement since it was her favorite city and gave her a magical enagenement. We were working through some things – every couple does. She would tell me what a great man I was and how I made all her dreams come true …..she gave me these heart felt professions of her love for me every day and I knew in my heart it was all true. And then we have an argument right before she went on a work trip which also took her home to her parents. She comes back and broke it off saying I was dismissive and blamed me for eveything.this after terms all I had done for r his relationship – moved to wherrors she wanted to be, driving 3 hours every day for work, giving up my workouts (one of true passions to live a healthy balances life) because I had no time I’m my day, spending all our vacations at her folks because I knew she missed her parents and family, not going to the movies in 2.25 years because that wasnt her thing……asking for nothing in return other than forher to take care of her health and finances. Both of those asks of mine were met with no real effort. And yet she blamed me for being dismissive of her. She won’t acknowledge any blame in this and when I pointed out the mixed messages she had no answer for a few days other than she was doing that as positive reinforcement……I’m like there were no conditions to the glowing tributes that she was giving me of how great a man I was to her. I asked her why she said yes to the engagement and she didn’t have an answer. She was the one that took me to the jeweller to give me ideas for the ring she wanted. I went out of my budget to get her the ring she wanted and now she hasn’t offered to give me the ring back yet. It’s been 3 weeks – I tore myself apart for hurting her and disappointing her blaming it all on me …..but there was nothing fatal here ..I was in counselling voluntarily to become a better person in a relationship for over 6 months …..we had not tried coupled counselling yet and when i suggested that she said I didn’t want it. I keep blaming myself and keep trying to negotiate ….she won’t stay home and won’t see me. She’s given me a month to move out but doesn’t want to see me ……we’re both In our early 40s and In feel like we owe it to ourselves to try couples counselling before throwing in the towel…..but she doesn’t want to listen ….I know it’s hard to switch off feelings so quickly and In keep trying to convince her. She’s done this before but come back after my pleading but this time we were engaged…….I don’t eat and I don’t sleep and I can’t believe how someone can shut off and throw everything off like this. We just got engaged and if she is scared of her past ….how is that fair to me? Feeling anxious, confused, frustrated and scared.

  • Lilla H

    Feeling the same. Broke up with long term boyfriend 4 weeks ago. Worst thing is that we work together so still have to see him every day. We work in a female-dominated industry and so now he’s asking other women out at work. I wouldn’t wish my situation on an enemy. The raw wounds are given no time to heal as he rubs salt into them on a daily basis. Seems there’s no escape. Feel terrible.

  • Julie M

    Thanks! Did I need to read this. I am feeling so lonely and sad after a painful break up with the man I wanted to marry and spend my life with. After a 4-year relationship, I feel lost without him as he was my everything. We did everything together. I feel particularly lonely because I let a lot of my friendships go because we were always together. Now that we broke up I feel completely alone. My friends all have their own relationships and busy lives and I am left home alone sad and depressed. At least now reading your words I know this will pass. Time will heal my wounds and things will get better… some day! Thanks, i really needed to read this 🙂

  • remorsefulone

    Hi, I just broke up with my girlfriend of a year and eight months. I am currently doing my masters and I have tried to work during the weekdays and my studies during the weekends. In this relationship I was the narcissistic boyfriend and I overlooked things that she had done for me. She has been there for me all these while and I took her for granted.

    She wanted some space and I agreed with her but along those lines I took out my anger on tumblr and deleted her on instagram, facebook and twitter. I was hoping that she would look for me and asked for explanation but she didn’t. After a week I noticed that she put a person’s name on her whatsapp and that terrified me. So I asked her whether she is seeing someone and she said yes. I told her that it was too soon since it has not been two weeks. Then I told her how I made a really big mistakes and I wanted her back. Her answer was that she wanted us to be at our best and she needed some space because she is confused. I just don’t know what to do right now. I know I am at fault and I really feel a great loss because of my own selfishness. Then after a week of not contacting each other, she then left me a message saying how she missed me so much and how she wished that we did not have to go through this. So I called her and clarified things with her only to find her apologizing for messaging me such things. I couldn’t help myself but telling her that I wanted her back. She answered me that it is not going to happen overnight (getting back together). I am really confused and I really don’t want to give her up. I’m really not sure whether she is really going for that guy.

    I hope you guys can give me some insight about my situation.

    I really regret my actions for being immature and taking her for granted. I know what I did cannot be forgiven and I just can’t take on living like this full of remorse although she said she forgave me for all the sins I’ve done to her.

    I’m really sorry that I’m an asshole. I didn’t mean to hurt her.

  • Laura

    Dear Becky your words resonated with me, it’s everything I have been thinking and feeling expressed in a way I could not have done. I have just split up with my boyfriend of seven years and it’s breaking me. I have not been single since the age of 15 and I have NEVER ever been on my own and it’s the loneliness that I fear. Thank you so much for writing this blog it’s helped me more than you will ever know

  • Paul

    Westernisers believe soon as the emotions are over, the relationship is over. Westernised relationships and lifestyle is based on being mentally stimulated 24/7 just like a drug addict. To find peace and happiness there is no stimulation.

  • Sarah Lé May

    Thank you. I was on the verge of suicide, believing my kids were better off without me after I had battled for almost a year in an abusive relationship – thinking I was the one who needed fixing. The guilt I feel for putting my kids through the same things I went through at their age was so overwhelming I almost killed myself.
    Thanks to you I now feel the loss of what I had tried to fix not so suffocating, I didn’t walk out into that car, and I am finally believing that I am worth the air I breathe.

    Thank you.

  • Charmed

    Why don’t both party work on rekindling the passion and the connection?

  • Gray

    Wow. You are truly amazing. While I was reading this, I thought to myself “Did I write this”?. It’s exactly what I feel and going through at the moment.

  • Nawshin Jahan

    I have broken up with my bf 2 weeks ago.Almost 2 years we were together.He always dominated me and didn’t give any kind of freedom.I was becoming sick because of his over dominating behavior.At last I broke up.But feeling too bad now.Always I think of our good memories and these kill me inside.I am feeling lost and broken.After reading this post I think I should try to move on 🙁

  • sydnie_lynn

    Ehhh I so know this feeling. I am only 3 months after a breakup with a relationship of 8 years. When I think about the relationship it was pretty bad. Good times of course but really really bad times too. From disrespect and abuse to cheating. The problem is I get caught up in the fact that I invested so much “love, time and commitment that It’s really hard for me to let go. I think sometimes wow I just groomed him for his next girlfriend in some ways but then again he never really changed. Anyhow I hope you are way moved on now and I appreciate you sharing your experience!

  • A

    im so sad :'( my heart was broken last night and i cant cope… my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone 5 days before my 30th… I’m the saddest I’ve ever been. She was my first true love and after 18 months its over…. I thought she was the one.

    I dont want to feel like this, i want to cry at my desk at work, i dont want to be around people, i really dont know how to deal with this :'(

  • Kevin Evans

    truly need some help right about now…..5 year breakup….

  • nikki

    Im going through the same issues right now Talya I feel like my life is over and I have nothing to live for anymore Im at work and cant focus all i constantly think about is my ex and we still live together Im a mess right now and reading your comment gave me hope that even in the midst of all this pain and heartache there is light at the end of the tunnel and things will be ok

  • Marvin

    Beautiful Becky. Just what i needed right now. With love and light Marvin x

  • ShawnaMichelle0621

    I’m in the same situation. We are almost at the end, actually we’ve been extending the end for a long time now.. I’m so scared of what happens next.

  • lonely heart

    I spent 25 amazing years with my husband..we have 4 amazing children. I regret nothing and we will always have a deep love for each other. He messed up though and I’ll never forgive him. Life is so lonely without my husband and soul mate. I’ll never return to him but I can’t bear the loneliness. I try so hard to get out and about but all my friends are married with kids and are so settled. I’m 41 and don’t know how to move on from this.it has been 20 months since we split

  • Roselyn

    After i read all these comments it really does inspired me again ..my friends
    And families told me i am strong woman but few weeks i didnt felt that way. Back 11 years ago i was married to a filipino guy who mistreated me and abused for a year….after that relationshìp i end up to an american man who loved me for almost nine years..i thought that would be my life until i get old and died with him not realizing he was 30 years older than me .i met him when he was 54 and i was 24 years old. Since he past away i am so desperate finding that love and care ,i been published my self in every datig site hoping wishing it will come true i been to diffrent relatioships that ends up with goodbye so i stop searching on webb for months .until one day my mom in states married to a guy from kansas and to make it short my step dad has a youngest brother who has been separated from his wife for a year whos been trying to contact me on facebook…everyday we exchange messages and get on skype atleast twice a day..after two months he told me he loved me and he’d like to marry me one day and visit me here in thailand..at first i was happy and inspired by this man until one day i realized its been 8 months since we were talking theres no progress in our relationship, i tried to break up with him many times but he told me i have to be patient and wait , so in short story i calm myself and think of our future.
    Few weeks ago we skype and talk and i found a girl was with his car sitting front seat through the reflection from his sunglasses and i knew this girl he always told me she was his boss..so i asked him if he was alone and he said yes he was alone, but i knew he lied to me that time. So i told him why you have to lie when theres nothing between that girl, in my thought i could never trust him cos even little things he lied how much more in real world if we are not talking on skype…i was very dissapointed ,i left many messages on skype or facebook asking him about that girl but he never reply…at first week i thought it was end of my world,maybe i was expecting too much from that guy cos even we havnt met yet in person i trusted him cos he was the brother of my stepdad and i met his daughter son mom on skype we talked most of the time that made me think he was very serious with me.
    After that event i decided to end the relationship and will never trust again online..cos i realized after online we have to live our real world..
    First week i thought i was going to die and end my life but then its almost one month now i felt i made the right decissions ..no matter how hurt and painfull it is life goes on…now i am 36 still hoping of that love they said but only time will tell me…

  • kim

    I loved this thank-you for sharing

  • Viriconia

    I’m sitting here at 8.30am with tears streaming down my face, in a cold sweat, wondering how on earth I’m going to go to work and deal with losing my parter of 8 years, my whole life, my home, my future. Your post helped me. Thank you.

  • Josh Diaz

    My story is very different than most. Come to think of it, its probably a 1 in a million type of story because our lives were so pathetic. I’m sure that I’ll get a lot of backlash from my ex if she ever finds this comment online but it needs to be said. My ex girlfriend and I were living together for 2 years in a different apartment both years. I was working full time @ a nursing home making decent money and she was unemployed for the full 2 years. I certainly wasn’t prince charming during those 2 years because I never really bought her gifts or flowers, even on Anniversaries & Valentine’s Day. One thing I did give her a lot of was my undivided attention at all times when she had a concern, problem, or just a simple story to tell about her life, her family, or her day. I was very responsive, sympathetic, and empathetic. I listened to her intently and gave her my opinions because I’m an extremely opinionated person. Not judgmental by ANY MEANS but definitely opinionated on a wide range of issues & subjects. I’m sincerely polite, honest and very proper. I have a good heart but not a romantic Casanova. There was definitely an attraction (dare I say love?) and/or affinity between us but I wasn’t sure or very positive on if it was mostly friendship love or a long lasting marriage type of unconditional love. I gave her my attention, respect, love, paycheck and affection for 2 years straight but then she said she wasn’t happy living in the desert southwest because it was way too hot for her so she wanted to move up to the northwest where her immediate family lives. She told me that she loves me very much and was happy with me so we rented a U-haul and trekked a thousand miles to her mothers place of residence and moved in with her Mom. We both struggled to find employment for 2-3 years straight while living with her mother and the tension and resentment between the 3 of us became more evident as each day passed by. I felt much more stress & pressure to seek employment because I was the “man of the household” for the few years I stayed there so both ladies eyes were focused on me to become the bread winner. Her Mom was working when we arrived but lost her job about a year and a half later. As time progressed, our relationship was growing very sour and my ex gf (current gf @ the time) started to feel resentment and bitterness towards me so naturally we got into MANY heated and hurtful arguments. Out of depression & no financial means for escape we both turned into lazy bums and devoted most of our time to the computer such as downloading movies and watching Netflix religiously and unhealthily. We turned into hermits and stayed in the house 90% of the time with an occasional outing once every 2 weeks and sometimes even once a week. Her family started gossiping about me saying that I wasn’t good for her and she possibly wasn’t good for me if we couldn’t even encourage or inspire each other to do something with our lives. (Trust me I realize how pathetic all of this sounds and it truly is) So eventually we moved out of her Mom’s house and things got much worse because we invested in a small to midsize trailer and moved to a trailer park. After living in that trailer for 6 months I realized it was way past time for me to end things with her. I wasn’t going anywhere and she wasn’t going anywhere either so we broke up. We were lifeless and not to mention I had just applied for food stamps just a few months prior to the break up. We allowed it to drag on for far too long and for the life of me, I have no idea why. There’s a few more details to the story but I won’t go into that. Before all of this mess, we were together for 5 years off and on so altogether we contributed 10 years into this relationship. We’ve been exes for about 6 months already but now that she’s found happiness w/ someone else, she’s working full time and living an exciting life in the big city, I’m stuck here back in the southwest and miserable as ever. I miss her immensely and have no doubt in my mind that I love her with every fiber of my every being. She still calls me her best friend in the entire world because no one on the face of this earth knows her as well as I do. I’m struggling very much to not be jealous of her new man and I even go as far as to defend and stick up for him when she calls and talks to me on the phone about him. She admits that she misses me because of the “familiarity” aspect of it all but then again she’s going on to bigger and better things so my heart is conflicted. I need a prayer and feel that I need to forget all about her because remembering her and realizing my love for her just hurts way too much to stay in contact with her. I never once imagined that I could feel this much agony, pain, and loneliness over a girl. I ended it knowing that it was dysfunctional but ironically now I want it back, lol. I must be insane.

  • Dave Chamberlain

    This was really helpful. Thank you

  • Marie

    Thank you so much for sharing this article. I just recently got out of a relationship and moved out from my ex’s place and since I’ve moved I’ve felt a deep loneliness I cannot ignore. This article really struck a cord with what I am currently struggling with.

  • Tatiana Ayala

    At least everyone understands this feeling of loneliness…. Made me find a bit of peace within myself after the second divorce always thinking it was my fault but I guess it takes two for this to work.

  • Chin

    I broke my relationship with my bf…without any reason he left me…after that I took 1 yr to forgot him..daily he is in front of me…bcoz he is my clsmet….bcoz of him I became close to my senior.he is my best friend… Bt he started loving me.. I became close to him…now both r in lv…bt I want to forget him ..how I ll….daily its became torture to me.. Sometimes I feel lonely… I ll cry…I don’t know y like that. ..I don’t hv anyone to share my feelings… The ppl I met till now r selfish nd cunning fellows…

  • janemillerstein

    Beautiful article. I can completely relate. Just ended a 6 year relationship and have been trying to cope with the loneliness.

  • marcuscent

    Iam goin thro this all so and iam tryin hard and ither say iam tryin also but a just feel like half of me is gon and the dreams are terble

  • JayB

    I am in the same boat. I lost myself completely and i couldn’t even feel my presence on this earth.
    If feels vulnerable….. someday before you were a jolly person enjoying each and every moment and everything seems alive to you in a relationship…. you actually be a person the way you actually are happy go lucky girl but after breakup you yourself don’t able to recognize who you are? That is something which dwells me into the darkness . I stopped enjoying in my life, everything seems dead to me. In the past when I was filled with love, compassion and now there is only hatred and unforgiveness.
    I spend time in reading good books, watching movies even i went out with friends but i just couldn’t feel anything…it so sad to think about the good times where you gave love but in return you got hatred and loneliness…

  • cne3gb@me.com

    Jessica,

    I don’t know if this you or not. There are a lot of similarities to the woman I dated named Jessica, in your posts: four years, Christmas, birthdays, small footprint, timing, and being unhappy at the end. (Projection?) This is over a year since your post and I doubt anyone will ever read this. And again this probably isn’t even the same girl. But I need to write this.

    I still love you. It’s crazy, given how things slowly fell apart. You know what I’m talking about. But I hate that I wasn’t man enough to forgive you and take a long hard look in the mirror, I needed to. When you wrote that email last week saying “you blame yourself” for most of it, that wasn’t fair to you. It was my fault. I have some many issues that you didn’t deserve to deal with. When that lady in Door County said you were to good for me she was right. It hurts so much that you don’t want to talk to me anymore though. Through everything we always still talked. The loneliness is unbearable.

    I figured out when I saw you in May, and said you loved me and gave me the strongest hug you ever have, that you were saying goodbye. I had guessed you met someone. I hoped not when you emailed those times this summer, but I had placed myself in a difficult situation because I’m still an emotional wreck and tried to walk
    away. Its so been hard and lonely. I see you everywhere. The worst part is hate
    myself and I really believe people are better off without me in their lives. I’ve felt age in a shoulder injury that will always be there, regret in wasted opportunity, and heartache in the knowledge I missed the best opportunity in a life with you. I do take comfort in the fact that you’ve probably found someone better suited to give you what you deserve. Still, everyday without you hurts as much as it ever did.

    The email I received form you last week was cold, and I would guess that you’re happily moving on, so I wont email you again out of respect for your happiness.

    This letter could go on forever, I miss you so much.

    Thank you for being a part of my life, if only for a short time.

    Love,

    Charles

  • Nana

    Second chances that’s what I asked from my Ex, its been 10 months now and I still fell pang of pain every now and then when I remember him. He’s doing fine now with his new 4 months and counting relationship, and me, lost not wanting any relationship with a man. Scared to love again

  • Dave

    This really resonates with my current feeling. I have broken it off with my long time girlfriend of 7 years, a woman who I was very certain was destined to be my wife and mother of my children. It is quite difficult to wake up in the morning with that lonely feeling, being all alone in the house and without a person to say good morning to. I truly hope the advice here will help me deal with my loss and help me create a better relationship going forward. Thank you for a great article!

  • Hayley Collyer

    This sounds exactly like my situation. We have now decided to end the relationship after 20 yrs, we have a son who’s 18 next month. I’m torn. He’s put me through hell, drinks excessively, yet I’m still absolutely gutted. How are things now? Are you still with him? xx

  • Jessica

    Hi, I wasnt Ok for a very long time, I spending a lot of time trying to do things just to keep me functional, I cried a lot everywhere. The ugly truth: he was boring of me. But now, all is in the past. Just do a lot of positive stuff, smoking, drinking and spend your days in your couch only make everything worst. Dont waste your time in destroy your life, prove that person what you worth.

  • Jessica

    Hi Charles, im not your Jessica. Sorry, but I wish my bf love like you love that other Jessica. Im really sorry for your situation, really sucks loving somebody and realizing that person doesnt love you back. Ill hope you get better someday. I wish you the best.

  • Denise

    25year old girl, ive been struggeling with my boyfriend from the start but I thought maybe we could find a way to make it through, since I couldnt stop loving him whatever I tried. With a 1year break up in it.. I felt like I was the only one that was being open in the relationship and I never saw a tear coming from his eyes..never. we were together for years… and now its really done. And short after I already liked another guy. Because I was having to much of a hard time with my ex that I was so broken I felt I was over it.
    But I feel insecure. As if im not good enough. I feel like im someones trash. I just long to be with someone that truly loves me and I love him back..

    And its like I always feel attracted to guys who need ‘help’. So I see a tough guy, but I can see through him that he is struggeling. And when they are ignorant I feel even more attracted to make him see and help him.. I dont know why I have this..since im the one who needs help. But once i like someone I show myself right away, that im caring what i see in him..
    and also what bothers me… when theyre shut down.. that i dont feel attracted to anything else… 🙁

  • Albyd

    Thank you so much. Word per word its what im experiencing right now. The hardest part seems to be wrestling with the constan thoughts of insecurity. You know the “was she the one? Could I have done a better job? Was it her? Was it me? Will I ever manage a healthy relationship? Etc”. Deep down, we all know the answers and ultimately some dont even matter in the end. But the loneliness has me going in an endless loop, dettached, constantly spilling the beans on any ear thats willing to listen, bathroom break to cry for 5 minutes, not knowing in what direction to even start walking….let alone the desire to walk again. All I wanted was a family and to make my ex happy….but we didnt make it. Anyways, just adding. Thank you for making me feel like im not alone! Cheers!

  • Danelle Crandall

    My boyfriend of almost four and a half years. Just broke up with me over a text yesterday. He was there for me through a major surgery and everything. And now he cut all ties with me everything was going ok we use to fight about silly things. He was acting fine then something happened in five days where he wants nothing to do with me. I wanted to try and save our relationship because I loved him I thought he was the one. I don’t have any closure and that really hurts. And I don’t really don’t have a support system. So now I’m just left lonely and upset, I don’t want to eat and it’s hard for me to sleep. I just wish the pain would stop. He was my best friend and now I don’t know what to do. My birthday is coming up and the holidays so it really hurts.

  • melissa

    hit the spot. 14 yr breakup. thought I was gonna have a happy life. bummer. a lie. now 3 months later I really have hit rock bottom. I love him unconditionally but he stopped loving me. I don’t think I can stop thinking or missing. new job, still in depression.

  • melissa

    I’m sorry. I’m at that stage already, institutionalized and categorized as bipolar. 3 moths ago breakup of 14yrs. thought it was forever but it was a lie. he left me by leaving to another state on vacation which I was gonna go with. had my bags packed. he told me no! I dropped him at airport and no bye or kiss. then he don’t text me or anything but texts his new girl friend. wtf. I confronted him and he’s like I’m done with you and guess what his parents wrote up eviction papers and I got 3 months to leave.. wow. I really loved this man. 🙁 🙁

  • melissa

    believe me it’s hard to live with someone you care about. that’s me right now. but I feel like I’ll never be happy. 14 yr breakup. 🙁

  • Tony

    After several horrible relationship endings…..most of them from being cheated on(and getting a subsequent STD), lied to, stolen from etc. I have retired from women.
    It will be 12 years since I have had any physical contact with a woman come mid January. Heck, I haven’t even gone on a single date.
    I’m so sick of being told that “the right one” will come along one day…but, after 12 years my friends and family have finally realized they don’t have a clue of what they are talking about. Many of them are married and are miserable and tell me they envy the hell out of me.
    The rest of them just look at me and say “what a waste”. A nice compliment in a way I guess.
    Anyway, there are a few things I have figured out for myself:
    1. I’d much rather be alone and happy, than with someone and miserable.
    2. A good person can let a horrible person make them into a horrible person. Don’t ever let that happen.
    Good luck.

  • Dave H

    Thank you, Becky Potter: the way you have so clearly analysed your emotions and feelings have helped take the edge off my, currently raw, thoughts and feelings. I have saved this piece and will print it out as a visual reminder that I am just experiencing a moment in my life.
    Good luck and happy and healthy lives to you, and all those you reach.
    Thank you.
    Dave

  • Jay

    I read this entire story and thoughtful tips on dealing with lonliness, but as I feel alone after my girl left me for similar reasons I can’t understand. Why would you choose to be alone, I can’t stand going into any restaurants or even public in general. Seeing all the couples and seeing all the single people still happy. I feel like the only person that doesn’t want to be alone and understands sometimes people get tired of each other especially living together but remember who that person was when you met them how you promised you loved them and would never leave their side or deceive you. Because it’s not humane to leave someone when they’re down, stressed, caught up in work to provide for family or any other reason unless there was cheating, or physical abuse.

  • crossman

    Feels good to read about similar people. My wife is divorcing me after 5 years. She has wanted a baby of her own and the timing has never been right for us as I have 2 from a previous relationship. I have supported her and been her biggest fan and now she is leaving me the find a guy to have the 3.5 family with the picket fence. I am keeping the house we bought so times are tough. Its hard knowing that we still love each other very much and get along like we are still married, actually still sleep in the same bed but she will probably immediately look for a “stud” as soon as our divorce is final and she moves out.

  • crossman

    I am also going through the same thing. Getting divorced after being together 5 years with a bought house. I am due for a raise at work which woll help me keep the house but it wont be for another month meanwhile my wife agreed to help with the mortgage until the raise. She is gone 3-4 days of the week staying at her “friends” house doing god knows what, mostly admittedly going to the bars. We just celebrated new year’s a part. So hard to watch someone just live their own life so easily after living together for 5 years.

  • Edward Fradera

    thank you ms potter, i needed this

  • meloncholy

    This article gave me some much-needed perspective on a relationship that very recently ended (it’s true, i’ve nothing to fix, because things are already on the mend). The comments left behind by people in similar circumstances were such a comfort. Misery loves company, but not if it means having to put on makeup and wash my hair. Bless you, Internet.

  • phyllis

    I just can’t believe there are so many people out there going through what I went through and having the same thoughts, hurts and anguish. My boyfriend of 14.5 years told me via phone and email just before Christmas that he needed time to think. My depression over the loss of my job two years ago, my father last year, my cat, etc., had put me in a deep funk that I couldn’t get out of. Then I did the terrible thing of asking to move in with him. (We live a few states apart). He promised he would “be there for me;” but I guess he didn’t realize how hard that would be not hearing from him after all these years of staying in touch every single day like clockwork via email and phone.
    I’ve started therapy, am looking for support groups, started yoga and meditation, write my thoughts in a journal every night, etc….all healthy, positive actions. I try to keep busy which is very hard without a full-time job. I’ve also stopped initiating any contact with this man; and am proud to say this is my 20th “N.C.” day. I vacillate between hurt and anger since I don’t understand how he could do such a cold, insensitive, selfish, cowardly thing like breaking up via phone and email just before the holidays when we had plans with his family, etc. Couldn’t he have found another way? I try to take each day as it comes, but I still wrestle with the isolation, loneliness and utter sadness…difficulty sleeping and constant crying. I know this is all part of the healing process…and occurrences like these are part of life and happen for a reason. But it makes me question if relationships are worth it if you have to go through such utter misery when they end. Someone, please respond! Thank you, pj

  • no name

    Thank you for sharing.. i am experiencing this now. I had a girlfriend who had done something wrong that i could not imagine.. she was my life. we thought that we would marry each other but she left me. I am having a very hard time to understand what was happened. she has move on but i am not able to move on. I still love, care and think like hell.

  • osmar orozco

    Very uplifting!! Thank you!!! I’ve been broken up with my fiance for over a month. Even though we were together for just a hair over six months, she was someone who I though would not only be with me forever but also for me loving her was like an addiction. There are constant reminders of her every day, I still fall asleep thinking about her and wake up with her on my mind. It may sound childish but she was in my eyes the woman I envisioned just for me, forever. She was all I ever wanted in so many ways but not in others. It wasn’t an easy thing. It is very hard to look back at the immense changes that took place in my life in those six months but I can assure you after dating for a long time being married etc.. & 48 years of life (married, divorced, 3 children) in this world i never experienced anyone like her. I know being apart from her was and is the right thing to do however my good side (which is quite large) is overwhelming with emotions of missing her, missing the feeling of loving her and of course loneliness. I am trying to do all I can to think of the bad things, think of the damaging things she did to me, think of the issues she had which in any relationship would be grounds for termination etc.. Honestly I don’t recall myself ever being this heart felt over a breakup with someone in well over 25 years. I understand it is a process however I only wish it wasn’t so painstakingly difficult for me at this stage of my life. Especially knowing I was done very wrong by this person. It hurts a lot. I know carrying on, prayer, friends, self motivation, the gym, etc are all good things to begin with but there is so much that I invested into what I though was the love of my life which that in itself is crushing. I know I will eventually be ok. It just stings so much now.

  • osmar orozco

    Very uplifting!! Thank you!!! I’ve been broken up with my fiance for over a month. Even though we were together for just a hair over six months, she was someone who I though would not only be with me forever but also for me loving her was like an addiction. There are constant reminders of her every day, I still fall asleep thinking about her and wake up with her on my mind. It may sound childish but she was in my eyes the woman I envisioned just for me, forever. She was all I ever wanted in so many ways but not in others. It wasn’t an easy thing. It is very hard to look back at the immense changes that took place in my life in those six months but I can assure you after dating for a long time being married etc.. & 48 years of life (married, divorced, 3 children) in this world i never experienced anyone like her. I know being apart from her was and is the right thing to do however my good side (which is quite large) is overwhelming with emotions of missing her, missing the feeling of loving her and of course loneliness. I am trying to do all I can to think of the bad things, think of the damaging things she did to me, think of the issues she had which in any relationship would be grounds for termination etc.. Honestly I don’t recall myself ever being this heart felt over a breakup with someone in well over 25 years. I understand it is a process however I only wish it wasn’t so painstakingly difficult for me at this stage of my life. Especially knowing I was done very wrong by this person. It hurts a lot. I know carrying on, prayer, friends, self motivation, the gym, etc are all good things to begin with but there is so much that I invested into what I though was the love of my life which that in itself is crushing. I know I will eventually be ok. It just stings so much now.

  • spanner10

    Thank you Ms. Potter. Very uplifting. Reading your article was very soothing and brought me a sense of peace and tranquility. I have been through some rough times in my life with divorce, children, etc.. Though In my 48 years of life, never did I expect to encounter what I did in the past seven months!! I had been divorced and on my own for five years prior, I had been dating, doing ok, though hoping and praying to find someone I’ve always wanted. An attractive, kind, gentle, intelligent, caring, loving and compassionate woman whom I could love like Romeo and she could love me like Juliet. I met someone early last summer who made me a true believer and in a short while I was certain and thought she was my Juliet!! My one and only. Ironically her name was Julie.In all honesty It was the most I believe I have ever loved a woman in my life. I did so much for her, for us. Our relationship became progressively sour after I found out some things she had been doing with respect to other men and at which point I tried to move beyond it only to find out a few weeks later things hadn’t really changed on her end with what had been bothering me. Needless to say prior to all these things surfacing i had asked her to marry me, she said YES. It was an ecstatic time for both of us especially since she had never been married and had no children of her own. I was very happy at the time. I moved in to her place and things were going well, she welcomed my children and they liked her very much when they were over. This was the first time I had introduced my kids to any woman I dated or was affiliated with. In the end things fell hard with respect to finances as her savings were depleting and my income was not enough to carry on with my obligations and both of our monthly expenses along with her 5 -6 day a week consumption of wine and margaritas with a pack of cigarettes a day. Which none of this really surfaced in full bloom until after we were engaged. It wasn’t a very nice break up as my frustrations grew from her hiding things on her phone so much, not working, not being honest etc.. I then began really feeling that there was never much appreciation, affection, love etc coming from her unless i was taking care of her personal expenses. Which brought me to a crossroads of realizing when the intimacy, any showing of feeling was at it’s absolute peak, I was taking care of things the best I could while she was unemployed. Needless to say as a result of most of what I described and a few other things such as what she did with the engagement ring brought me to a point that I knew even though we still connected very well sexually, it was the absolute worst thing I could do to myself along with handling the emotional and financial turmoil just for the sake of having sex with her. I truly did love her with all my heart and for some ungodly reason I still do in a lot of ways and miss the times early on when I believed so profoundly in her. It is very hard to hear my children on occasion ask me when we are going to see her again, that is very hard for me hear from them. For my 13 and 12 year old boys it’s not so terrible as they understand a bit more. It’s a real dagger when my six year old girl asks me about her. Of course I miss her good sided companionship, I think about her so much, how much I loved her, the reminders seem to surface wherever I go. A tv show or commercial, a song, a trip to the store, seeing a car that looks like hers, it’s everywhere.. I think about her before I go to bed, when I awaken. I miss the hell out of our intimacy, out of making her smile, running my hands through her hair, smelling her perfume, the smell of her beautiful hair. It’s been thirty days today since zero contact and I’m hanging in there. It sucks more I think to know that my love for her was way more profound than hers was towards me and for all I know she’s easily moved on already. Worst yet is after a week since no contact began I’m almost certain in her mind I became nothing more than a speck of dust.. Gone into the abyss! There was one phone attempt on her end at 2am on a Wednesday night three weeks exactly after no contact. I didn’t answer. Never heard back. Which undoubtedly is the best thing. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner it’s really bad time of the year to be going through this. Nonetheless thank you for sharing such a wonderful post on this subject.

  • Henry

    I have more or less the same type of relationship,though it started out as a very giving one.She was SO utterly devoted to me for first few years,once we moved to our second home,things went south when I developed health issues and could not work.One has to wonder IF they are lacking something either in their soul or mind? as in NO compassion?
    So yes this very good man (me) wonders why I find women who seem ideal and ladylike and so caring and then the switch off like a lightbulb.Strange I am told many women would adore me?

    This one displayed many signs of a cheater according to some websites though I could find little proof other than her giving her cell # to a guy she described as slimy who texted her day after New Years 2013 and I told him to bugger off. So if she did cheat that would make 11 women now,and I still have no idea why? I am classy,intelligent,considerate and sensual as well as very attentive in the bedroom.

  • bl33ding0ut

    It has been two years since I posted my comment. A lot has changed and yet not everything has. I hit a devastating wall one year ago, found condoms under our bed, found a woman laying on our bed (he did not tell me he had company over nor had I ever met this woman but he claims that she just let herself into our home unannounced .. I’m still waiting for a hot guy to wander into my home ..). I knew if I did not leave him, I was going to wind up in the hospital or mental clinic with a severe mental breakdown, of which I have never experienced but boy did I feel it coming. I got an apartment, first time living by myself and let me tell you .. it feels amazing. I have never felt this free before. There is a downside .. we are still best friends. I do not drive, nor do I have any family or friends, so I rely on him heavily for friendship and trips out. I still love him but I have come to learn I cannot live with him nor can I be his girlfriend. Yet, I am still very much attached to the point where someone else has entered the picture and I am so scared of losing my ex that I keep the new guy at bay. The new guy is very patient and understanding of my circumstances but I cannot remain attached to my ex forever. I fear the ex would fall apart if I were to move on .. his mom told me she fears he will have a breakdown without me .. I cannot put my own happiness on hold indefinitely but the sick twisted thing about attachment, or as another here called it “addiction”, some connections run really deep. I do fear I will eventually go back to him out of necessity and attachment but every time I think of the way he treated me, the nausea I still feel in the pit of my stomach begs me to put myself first before enduring that nightmare again. I hope everyone here is finding their own way through their difficult situations. It feels hopeless sometimes, even now, but you have to put yourself first at some point in this life. Please remember this. P.S. it feels awesome making a big plate of food at midnight and having nobody around to question your sanity 🙂

  • bl33ding0ut

    lonelyhearted – I really hope you are doing better now. I got through it .. sort of. Still in it but at least now I have my own apartment and we are just friends. Baby steps. But I am happier alone than I felt by his side. Loneliness does pull me down sometimes, the fear of never finding a stable relationship makes me cry at times. I hope you did not return to your ex. Like I tell myself often, it is better to be alone than to be lonely with someone by my side. *hugs* Life is a roller coaster. Sometimes the ride gets stuck in mid-air. Just gotta hang in there because it will pass .. we have to believe this much.

  • heavythinker

    I am going through this, a break up. I don’t have any friends either, and the few I have are very busy with their school or work. I work from home so I don’t have the luxury of keeping myself busy with work. My parents are busy with their lives too. I don’t have anyone to go to. I have hobbies but I need an activity partner. I look awful too, from the relationship.

    Meanwhile my ex continues to live his life and so easily he went back to his ex and he is doing so many things. The one thing that I want in the world is just to forget him and be happy and show him I can be happy too.

    I feel so alone. I AM all alone. Can someone help me please 🙁

  • Alexa

    I’ve found it’s usually the unfaithful ones and ones that put in the least amount of effort to have a healthy relationship are the ones who can “move on” so quick. They didn’t invest so they didn’t lose as much. I am going through this with my ex boyfriend who I finally broke off all contact with a week ago. Literally found him with another girl taking her out and making out with her outside. Seeming more protective of her than me who was there for him for 4 years. Faithful and very good to him but broke up with him a year and half ago. He made healing hard as he wouldn’t let me go but also the wouldn’t change his selfish lying, cheating, and abusive physically, mentally, and emotional always. After already going through this with my parents especially my father growing up, this was too much. I knew it I ever wanted to heal or feel as close to “happy” or “content” I had to break those ties.

    My ex still claims “he’ll always love me” blah blah and had the nerve to try to still use sex to get me back. He tried twice since I broke off all contact and surprise, surprise he hasn’t contacted me since and has probably already replaced me with another female. People like this are negligent and ignorant when it comes to the feelings of others. Because of how unfairhful he was and how much he lied, I know I can never ever date this guy again. I was able to accept that much after having all his shit stink to much to stand and pile too large to ignore. The anger deff has been helping me to move on but my biggest issue I feel now is trust. I don’t believe many people like me exist anymore who are genuine. Who love just to love. Not use and abuse. That guy was the one guy I dated, if you can even call it that. I realized I was on my own the whole time. He was never there for me emotionally and I was already coming out of my abusive house and toxic living situation. I am very tired. I am 23, just a month ago, beautiful inside and out (I could get another boyfriend of my choosing in an hour if I really wanted) but I fall in love with people minds first. I’ve learned to still allow myself to see people’s potentials, but fall in love with the person. My ex has the potential to be such an amazing man but chooses to be a f*ck boy. I know my worth, so I’ve stayed single still and pretty much abstinate.

    I wonder often if I will stay single and be a loner for the rest of my life.

  • Alexa

    I’ve found it’s usually the unfaithful ones and ones that put in the least amount of effort to have a healthy relationship are the ones who can “move on” so quick. They didn’t invest so they didn’t lose as much. I am going through this with my ex boyfriend who I finally broke off all contact with a week ago. Literally found him with another girl taking her out and making out with her outside. Seeming more protective of her than me who was there for him for 4 years. Faithful and very good to him but broke up with him a year and half ago. He made healing hard as he wouldn’t let me go but also the wouldn’t change his selfish lying, cheating, and abusive physically, mentally, and emotional always. After already going through this with my parents especially my father growing up, this was too much. I knew it I ever wanted to heal or feel as close to “happy” or “content” I had to break those ties.

    My ex still claims “he’ll always love me” blah blah and had the nerve to try to still use sex to get me back. He tried twice since I broke off all contact and surprise, surprise he hasn’t contacted me since and has probably already replaced me with another female. People like this are negligent and ignorant when it comes to the feelings of others. Because of how unfairhful he was and how much he lied, I know I can never ever date this guy again. I was able to accept that much after having all his shit stink to much to stand and pile too large to ignore. The anger deff has been helping me to move on but my biggest issue I feel now is trust. I don’t believe many people like me exist anymore who are genuine. Who love just to love. Not use and abuse. That guy was the one guy I dated, if you can even call it that. I realized I was on my own the whole time. He was never there for me emotionally and I was already coming out of my abusive house and toxic living situation. I am very tired. I am 23, just a month ago, beautiful inside and out (I could get another boyfriend of my choosing in an hour if I really wanted) but I fall in love with people minds first. I’ve learned to still allow myself to see people’s potentials, but fall in love with the person. My ex has the potential to be such an amazing man but chooses to be a f*ck boy. I know my worth, so I’ve stayed single still and pretty much abstinate.

    I wonder often if I will stay single and be a loner for the rest of my life.

  • Alexa

    I know what you mean. I have no friends to turn to and my family is not the kind I can discuss the situation with.

  • Alexa

    I agree with you 100%. At 16 I realized I didn’t want to get married or even have my own kids. After this toxic abusive 4 year thing I went through with my now permanent ex, I have no desire to ever try to be with a guy again. My ex tried to turn me but we are different people so that didn’t work and I didn’t like the person I was beginning to turn into. I am 23. assume they all (guys) eventually cheat. The ones that are married look at me in the way a woman knows a male is having thoughts about.

    I’d rather just stay the hot vixen no one can have and avoid the drama and pain that seems to come with what they call “romance”. I believe the kind of love I have is mostly dead in this world.

    When I was younger and never had a romantic partner I had crushes but was fine being single. I dreamed of having the free time I do now and privacy to do what I want all the time. But since that relationship and the long term long distance online one before that, I’ve only felt worse. I will not allow my heart to go through this kind of pain again by my own doing.

    So single and happy it is I guess…

  • marcuscent

    Hard part is most pains go away but this one just seems to stay . I thout heartbreak would maby do as tha say weeks mothns but not this long . Yes iam prob 60% beter then the frist 6mothn but . Its still ther in dreams in most day a lest one memry of her . Maby my thout of getin over is not compledlty for getin but dam . 1 weeks of no memrys would be good . My body is doin the work to for get her gym football work but the mind is just a mess of a place …. eny one else still feel heartbroken or hurt or sad or toucher memrys . After 1 year ….. sorry speling is the best 😉

  • Jake

    Henry I am in the exact same issue. Recently my girlfriend called for a 2 week break then broke up with me. She has been wanting to stay friends and we have gone back to her place and hooked up 3 times… But it seems like she only wants to talk to me when its convenient for her or when she is down, as she is always out being social, going to pubs, posting on facebook etc I started to suffer from heavy depression/anxiety/bipolar symptoms and thats when the relationship started to fall. Her emotional intelligence is that of a brick wall, im an emotional guy who loves sharing (funny how usually gender wise the traits are the other way around) so i could not go to her about any of my feelings. She shut down when i tried to speak to her, wouldnt say anything and didnt have the compassion/empathy that one should have in a relationship with someone… Then one day she randomly said shes had enough of me and needed time apart… After the previous day of saying she loved me and she was there for me… Ive realised the type of person i was, realised i made mistakes and became such a negative person that it shaped who i became. Even still after admitting to my mistakes and behaviour, this month and a bit after the break up have been incredibly hard as she has not bothered to even ask how im going, how i have been – Only stuff about her, very self absorbed. I can relate to how your feeling Henry. I have now come to the conclusion she was not the right girl for me at the time, we both went through our own challenges but i do deserve better than what happened. I have never been torn apart like i have this past month and a bit… I have learnt new things about life and myself, i have finally learnt to take it as an opportunity to grow. I am like you, i can be confident carrying suave and intelligence, women appreciate me etc but i lost the ability to believe in myself. Us guys are hard to find in a society like ours Henry, remember that. Believe in yourself man! Time really does heal. Accept and feel your emotions and eventually come to terms with them. Peace.

  • Henry

    Thanks Jake I hear you loud and clear.I am feeling slightly more optimistic and the new state of the art antidepressants are really helping me improve myself,my drive and focus,sounds like you may be a candidate for such? I was against trying them until now,best thing I have done in 20 years.It will be her loss in a few more months believe me lol!

    If you need to know more you can email me,lemme know

    cheers pal H

  • Mr. T

    I definitely needed this today. I woke up finding myself thinking about her. I didn’t want to. I told myself not to. After reading this I realized it’s ok to. That you should mourn a failed relationship in order for you to move forward with your life. Thank you so much for this read. I’m accepting my feelings and already feel lighter.

  • GDPilk

    I know that feeling very well I’ve spilt from my wife after being married for 15 years and in that time I never thought we would spit. I found out that she was seeing a young lad aged 17 I had an idea for a little while before it all happened and I did say to her if she was not happy anymore with me then please just say so as then I can deal with it and try and move on with my life but she said that there was nothing wrong and tryed to pull the wool over my eyes to what was going on and when the truth did come out as normal from her she just tryed to blame everything on me as she had done though out our relationship. This is how bad she was when we parted ways it was when I ended up in hospital as I knew what was going on and my illness was playing up due to the stress of it. You see I’m diabetic and have been most of my life. Whilst I was in hospital I had the police call me and my ex had made claims that I had hurt her and our kids and did not want me to go back to my home. Well social services the police doctors and other people involved due to what she claimed all got involved and looked into what had been said and what they could prove had gone on and with in two days they all closed down the case saying that she had made up all the complaints as unknown to my ex they talked to everyone and she and her 17 year old boyfriend where the only two people who where saying the same thing everyone else was telling them how much I love my kids and my ex even her own family members told police that she was known for making story’s up to get her own way. The police and others who where looking into all this could not believe how bad she was and how much she was lieing they did ask me if I wished to make anything official about her lieing but me being me told them no. This is why we parted ways but after being with someone for 15 years you think you should know them but just shows that I didn’t. We have been parted ways now for about a year and I’m still finding it so different and hard everyday due to the way she treated me I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to trust someone else enough for them to get close to me and I don’t know what to do about this as due to my ex I’m afraid of it all happening again and I have no idea what to do or how to do it for me to get over this and find someone else who I’m able to settle down with as I am so afraid that someone else would do something like this again so any help or any helpful ideas anyone has to help me would be greatly appreciated I don’t think I ever find someone who I can really trust anymore due to what she’s done. Are all women like this as I. Feel so sad and lonely more than I ever have

  • sheri0409

    I could have written this myself. I was involved with a man for 8 years. We had alot of ups and downs but we always stayed in contact. In December just 4 months ago I had a serious surgery and the week before that I saw him. He kissed me, hugged me and said that WE would get through this. Over the next few weeks up until the 1st of February I really though that he wanted to work things out until one day he was pushing me to get back in school, get a new job (I have had the same one for 26 years, he was always on me to get out and get back to my usual happy self. I was not ready it had only been 6 weeks since I had a thorocotomy. I was in too much physical pain, and he never was sensitive to that. That was just 2 1/2 months ago. Saturday I was online and he had actually created a facebook account which shocked me since he was always against social media. He was with another woman and his status was Married… I felt like someone had stuck a knife in my chest. How could I have been so stupid to believe we were so close and he somehow in the past 2 1/2 months is married. I don’t know how to deal with this. We were engaged for 8 years and he is now announcing on social media that he is married. I just wish I knew what to do now. I feel betrayed, lost, and alone.

  • bl33ding0ut

    sheri0409 – These situations are so difficult, especially when the one who hurts us still has our heart. The only thing I can think to tell you is this .. he is her problem now. She will either come to experience emotional pain like you have or maybe they are a better “fit” and she will be fortunate. Either way, what he did to you by hiding his new marriage from you is a direct reflection of who he is. It has nothing to do with you, who you are or what *you* deserve from a man.

    If you ask me, you dodged a bullet. “I was in too much physical pain, and he never was sensitive to that” .. this in and of itself is reason to move on with your life. When we are at our weakest, we need a supportive partner who will help us through it and not add to the pain.

    I invested way too many years of my life with someone who said things that degraded me, pulled me down and turned his back on me in many ways that tore me slap apart.. but he was also good to me in many ways and this is how I justified settling for the abuse. I grabbed hold of the little moments we would laugh together, I held importance in the bond we had developed and told myself all the bad stuff was something I had to tolerate for companionship. This is how relationships are, right? ‘Better’ didn’t exist ..

    Sheri, it gets better. It can get better. As I type this, I am in love with a man that was a dear text friend for 3 years. He tried picking me up when my ex was tearing me down. I thought of this friend often when I was in heavy tears over my relationship and the way I was being treated. This text friend was a glimmer of hope for me, that there were good men out there who would never be ashamed of me or speak words that left me feeling so ugly. We finally met this past week. Now, I feel like I am on fire and everything around me feels so alive and filled with potential. This coming from someone who never thought she would feel good about love again.

    Please, please do not let your ex pull you down or crush you any longer than you need to heal from it. I don’t know your life situation but I can tell you this .. there is someone out there who won’t wait 8 years to marry you. They will treat you better, love you better and bring so much more happiness into your world than your ex was able to do. Just hang in there, do not waste any more love on this cruel man and be good to yourself.

    You will find the love you need. Never settle for less than what you know you deserve. It sounds cheesy but it is so very true. Leave that idiot in your past. There is a great big world out there and I truly believe one day you will come back to this site and you will feel so much different, so much better, than you currently do. Just like I am.

    *hug*

  • sheri0409

    Thank you so much! It is amazing how much you just helped me out. I have never got on these support and for a total stranger to give me so much insight into the matter is making me think that there are people who care and understand how I am feeling. It gives me hope. You are a beautiful person I am so glad you are happy now you totally deserve it.
    I don’t know you but to receive such a caring response is more than you will ever know. Thank You with all of my heart.

  • Amy

    Please take better care of yourself, your young body may be able to handle the abuse now, but fast forward ten years, and you’ll be fighting off mental insanity. Start by eating. Your body needs it. Sometimes you have to force yourself to eat when you don’t feel like it. Get on a regular eating schedule. What you’re doing to yourself sounds very dangerous, and it worried me enough to say something. Use my care for you here Alexa, and let it fuel yours for yourself

  • Leonardo Gaiero

    My God, I’m in the same exact situation. 14 year breakup with the girl I thought I would be happy ever after with, she’s currently packing… In my case, she didn’t want to have kids while I did. The problem is that we still love each other, but can’t come to terms on this topic… It’s like getting a very much alive part of you removed without anesthesia, to which you’re still attached and desperately clinging to. It’s going to be a very rough spot for me…

  • Leah

    Thanks for sharing this post. It truly gives me hope that even if the middle of all this loneliness there’s something better coming . I recently experienced a break-up with the man I thought I was going to to spend the rest of my life with and I’ve been trying to stay occupied, mask my feelings, but the pain does not go away. I feel like I have nothing to look forward anymore, but it feels good to finally talk about it because I tend to keep my emotions to myself. Knowing that there are other people out there that went through a similar situation and got over it makes me feel better. Struggling with the loneliness hurts, but I hope I heal soon. Thanks again for sharings.

  • Joe Alou

    I like this,These stories may offer a few moments of fleeting comfort as you flick through the pages. But they are not able to take the sting out of the raw emotion. It had been 2 weeks since I said “enough”. I regret my decision because of the emotional pain I am dealing with today. I guess the BS I was putting up with was easier ( do I sound like an abused spouse?). My relationship ended due to neither one of willing to give and/or take.

    Your article helped put the emotion in perspective. A full range, some I have felt but retreated to a comfort zone, like you pointed out, booze and meaningless dates, Oh lawd, what a disaster both solutions were, especially when mixed together!

    So I sit in this pain with my yellow lab, he sleeps and I watch. He loves unconditionally, but not much of a snuggler.

    You helped. Thanks for sharing your experience ,

  • Loripalp

    I am right now in the middle of a breakup after 5 years I am 46 he is 51!! I am devestated and feeling my emotions like a roller coaster!! Don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing half the time but I keep on going and let God take care of me!! I just pray every day to let the pain go away!! I hope one day it does!! In the mean time I try to take care of myself I buy myself flowers every week and remind myself it’s ok it’s a process and I will get through this!! Good luck to all!!

  • Susie

    Hi, thanks so much for you wisdom. I am currently in a similar situation and trying to come to terms with break-up after 6,5 years together. My boyfriend is the one who says he doesn’t have feelings anymore and thinks the relationship can’t be fixed. I have a harder time letting go and thinking mostly of the good years we had together and how well we connected. But then, I feel likely more at fault because I was so career focused and neglected the relationship. I have since discovered this is not really what I want and rather leave a more balanced life, which I am currently focusing on. How did you know it was unfixable? Have you ever regretted? Do you think feelings can return and he would wanna come back?

  • Ria

    My fiance broke up with me after 11 months of engagement. We went long distance and he said he fell out of love. We were supposed to get married and I still love him. But I don’t want to be selfish and unfair and be married to a man who doesn’t love me back. I’m very sad it has to end this way. Thank you so much for the article. Just like death, relationship failure is part life. Something we must all learn to accept. It still hurts. But I know I have to move on and learn. Lots of love and healing to everyone! 🙂

  • Katie

    I have issues with depression so I understand how you feel. After the first “love of my life” break up I was in a similar position as you. I drank, smoked, went out, didn’t work, and basically didn’t take care of any of my responsibilities. I recently suffered from the second “love of my life” breakup. This time, 6 years later, I have gained more perspective. It does not hurt less, but it can be done in a less destructive way. I go to work everyday, make myself eat something, only have one glass of wine one night of the week, take walks, go to al anon meetings, cut out any contact with him, his friends, his family. I am taking this opportunity to love myself for once instead of giving all my love away to another. I am keeping an eye on my moods, if the pain doesn’t lessen, or gets worse, I will go to a doctor about depression. The negative energy needs to be channeled out or else I will focus it inwards and destroy myself. There is too much that I want to accomplish in this life to have a break up become the definition of me. You will be ok. You can be ok. You can find someone else who will be a better fit for you. It doesn’t matter what age or stage of life you are in, it will get better. Please, please, be kind to yourself.

  • Katie

    This just happened to me. 4 1/2 years, moved into a house together, fixed it up, made the garden of my dreams. We fought a few months ago and I explained that I didn’t want to waste anymore time if he didn’t want what I wanted. He lied to my face that everything was fine and he did want that same things as me. Then one day he kissed me goodbye, pretended to go to work, then packed all of my things changed the locks and took it to my parents house. The fact that he had the chance to end it in an adult manner and decided instead to lie to me is the part that hurts the worst. Like 4 1/2 years didn’t mean anything. I was used and I doubt that he ever really loved me. We had plans and now on top of coming to terms with the break up I have to figure out a whole new plan for myself. Sometimes it feels like the most daunting thing in the world. I’m so sorry this happened to you. And I hope that now, 6 months later, you are doing better.

  • Abhishek Singh

    please help!!
    I broke up after a 7 year relation with my girlfriend.
    I cant stop thinking about anything else. How she betrayed me at this point of time. Any help is welcome. And i don’t want to live earth this early.

  • Wilslaw21

    Thank you for this writing.

    I was married for 9 years and amidst the divorce and its aftermath I felt lonely for many years. Later I would meet someone very special to me with whom I would enjoy two wonderful years. Sadly, experiences in life caused us to differ in fundamental beliefs, e.g. parenting styles, and we were forced to make a very difficult decision to end the relationship.

    Now, I feel the same blinding loneliness I once experienced in fresh form, and all I knew to cope with it is out the window. This writing has brought me back to the fundamental truth needed to survive a heart-wrenching break-up: loneliness is living life, in its rawest form, and we must learn to gracefully let it pass.

  • Sami

    Thank you for sharing this, this was valuable information. And a hopeful of support you give me. Thank you

  • hicherry0620@gmail.com

    i am in a relationship with a man who acts weird and unrelaxed when the weather is too hot. I dont know what is wrong but i know he has issues. i told him he is sick and needs to see a doctor but he would refuse. i am so unsure how to handle my case.

  • Simon Baxter

    Ended a 7 year relationship about 6 weeks ago.. 4 kids and a toxic relationship with my ex that we dragged out way longer than we should have. It was an amicable split I guess and seeing the kids really hasn’t been an issue. I received a courtesy call last Sunday from the ex letting me know she had moved on and found someone else. This shouldn’t have made me upset but it did an still does. I keep having these deeply sad feelings that I miss her and wish she was still around, knowing full well that if she was we would be arguing, yelling and swearing at each other. I have never had these sorts of feelings before and don’t know what to make of them. Do I still love her? I find myself thinking about her, her new man and the two of them playing happy family with my kids… that can’t be healthy. She deserves happiness, and lord knows I doubt I was or am the person to give it to her. Almost everything in my brain is screaming at me to tell her that I miss her and still have some feelings, I get these feelings that if I stay quiet that I ill miss the chance and she will be gone from me forever… 🙁 I know I can never tell her that for the reasons I mentioned above, it was a toxic 7 year relationship, but man I feel lonely and miss her like hell. Funnily enough these feelings happened that Sunday night when she called to tell me she had a new interest… Is it a case of I don’t want you but I don’t want anyone else to have you either? If so that is truly selfish and not what I want… As we have 4 kids together I cannot ever have her out of my life completely, are these feelings going to continue forever for this reason? God I hope not.

  • MysticMe

    I read this article frequently as I’m dealing with loneliness after a breakup. I know the breakup was best for me, but it’s so hard to deal with the loneliness that stems. I take a deep breath and read this article a few times while in bed and it helps. Thank you

  • DD

    Really nice read. I just got out of a relationship and can identify with much of this (I’m sure tons of people do). Your words felt true for me and I could relate to the essence. Thank you for writing it.

  • A

    i guess i was struggling regarding like should i try to focus on being happy or should i let myself feel sad or like how should i deal with it.

    your article really helped put things in perspective. i should let myself feel my feelings. I should let myself be.

    article was very calming thank you… i needed that!

  • naveen chawla

    OMG just when you think of yourself going through tough time, do you see not only you are not alone but your own suffering is nothing compared to others.

  • naveen chawla

    There is certainly life beyond this pain and there is light. We have to go through this. I am going through this but what helps me is talking to my friends. I go and see a therapist too.

  • Bradley

    The loneliness doest hurt. Finding yourself is a strange thing after a breakup. I have to constantly remind myself that the anxiety of trying to love someone who all of a sudden views everything in this world differently is greater than this hurt. An on again off again relationship is no relationship. It was hard for me to make the step out of complacency and into what I know will be a happier life. I am 29 and have been through multiple serious relationships. It is hard to not sit here and think I am the peoblem. Reading this article and these comments has given me new perspective and confidence that my breakup was the right decision. It is a long road ahead but hopefully a happier one.

  • davejase

    I realize this is an older post, but thank you. As in many of the comments below, I broke up with a woman who I thought was “the one” recently, and feel completely destroyed. The nights are survivable because I can just drink til I fall asleep. The days are agonizing, can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that it’s gone. Just reading the above article helped in a small way, knowing its ok to not be ok.

  • Bradley

    Please Please Please stop drinking yourself to sleep. I did this for months and it is only making it worse. I know it temporarily takes the pain away but find the strength within yourself to deal with the situation. We have the ability to overcome anything we set our mind to.

  • ngoyi kayembe

    I really, really, really feel for you. I genuinely hope you will somehow be able to be together again. Like some people say, if it is meant to be, in the end everything will be alright.

  • Jessey Hudson

    I have recently broken up with someone who asked me to marry them but their drinking problem violence towards me and the fact that it was my adult children who threw him out and they have abandoned me for now is so hard to deal with I had never lived alone and at 58 its hardest of a night time ,I dont go out have no friends and the few visits my children have stopped and so has the communication ,I have lost a man who made me happy most of the time and even tho I knew he was no good for me and made me act so different from who I was I miss the company and miss my children ,the loneliness is making me feel life is so empty and nothing to look forward to ,I dont know how I get thru each day or what to do ,Iv told my doctor how bad it is but all they did was give me a stronger depression medication, feeling worthless and unwanted ,abandoned and unlove by everyone who made my life full.

  • Solar Max

    I’m good till those darn dreams come, a simple hand held and kiss given, throws me right back in the deep side of the loneliness pool. Thanks for sharing. What a horrid feeling to wake up to. We’ll get there I’m sure. Some days just wish I could give my memory a fast wipe.

  • Solar Max

    bonfire bro.

  • Rachma Mulyati

    As I read this article, I am sitting alone in the front of my house, I feel disconnected with the entire world, I just experience a break up with the only person that i ever feel that he was my home to go for, he left me only by simple phonecall and giving me unclear explanation, after two wonderful years together, as distance separated us, but I did my best to return to Germany as much as I could, in the moment of shift my job from Indonesia to Germany, in the exitment of taking lots of language test and the company transfer process, he gave up on the idea of me moving there, with simple classic explanation that he couldn’t face the long distance but also he was afraid with the commitment, in this case I didn’t encourage anything such a pushed him to take into commitment, in my whole life this is the first time for me to be able to love someone unconditionally, I am an independent woman who faced lots of challenges in life by myself since I was 15 without any support from the close system such as family, I did it with my own way, and I am a living proof of being strong individual, but our path and belief didn’t meet in the first place, he gave up on us, what I feel right now, it was a classic feelings of abandon and neglect from someone that I trust so much, I loved him deeply and I missed him dearly in every single day, the process of this break up seems longer than I thought, my coping system doesn’t work as it used to be, I am in the terrible pain that seems I am the only one in the world who face this situation, in fact i am not alone, but still the pain is unbearable and I see myself going here and there to justified things and to find the answer of what was going on, as a person who through a lot in life this is the most downfall feelings that I’ve ever had, my only wish that it will be my learning point in order to find my strength to comeback to the true self of who I am. You’re right, loneliness is a part of human emotion, I accept it and feel it with the whole present of me. I wish all of us find comfort in our own way, and we are strong enough to finally move one and happy again with our own self.

    Greeting From Rainy Bali
    Rachma

  • T.R.

    I know how you feel… my ex fiancé and I ended our relationship only about 3 months ago or so and I struggle with the feeling of loneliness from time to time. It was way worse around the holidays! I’ve learned so much though from this time apart. I think society puts this emphasis on relationships and how we HAVE to be in one to find happiness. It’s almost as if being in a relationship is the cure-all and escape to all of life’s problems. I’ve come to realize that this is not the case and unfortunately, as palpable as the feeling of loneliness can be… it strangely makes me feel human and alive. I think when I was with my ex I was just merely existing in a world where I thought I was safe even though internally I was screaming, GET OUT. I didn’t believe that he was right for me even though I tried to force that feeling inside my head. I know it’s cliche but I believe things happen for a reason and I believe that you can be okay after you lose a loved one (break ups can feel like death). Life is constantly changing and the only thing you can be sure of is who you are now and who you want to be tomorrow.

    Anyways, sorry for the long comment back. I see that it’s been 3 years since your comment! I’m sure you are doing just fine now and I’m sure that things make way more sense!

    -Tah

  • Angela Sutcliffe

    Hello everyone, my name is Angela Sutcliffe and i would like to share my testiomony of how i got back with my husband(Billy Sutcliffe) whom we had been divorced for 13years.i met Billy while i was in college and our relationship was the best which I have ever had, gradually things changed and started turning upside down, he was now posessing many different bad characters which he had never showed before, i tried all my possible best to make all things alright but after a couple of months, we got divorced and my life was meaningless because he was the man I really loved and cherished alot. my family and his tried talk to him but he did not listen to none of them. One faithful morning, after my prayers, I was talking with a close friend of mine whom we attended thesame college and I explained everything to her, she then replied me and told me everything about a powerful doctor who reside in Africa, and told me that the doctor helped her elder sister who had a similar experience in her relationship and everything was okay. I told her to give me the contact of the doctor and she called her sister who then told her how to reach the doctor and she forwarded everything to her, which she then passed to me, in the evening after my dinner I settled down and I called the doctor and spoke with him, he said I should have nothing to worry about that I should give him a couple of days that my dream man is going to come back to me, I waited patiently with faith in me and after three days, my husband who has left me for 13years now drove down to my house and knelt down before me and apologised and begged for forgiveness and promise never to hurt me and to be with me forever till death, I was so surprise to hear all these romantic words from him and I quickly accepted him back, now this is the third month since he came back to me, we are not having any issues anymore and we are living and happily married. I am saying this today because I have suffered alot and I believed there are many out there who need this help just kindly contact doctor on his email via doctorfrankogologo@gmail.com

  • Adriána Rybárová

    Thanks.

  • Connor Jon

    The best blog I have ever read, I have gone through a tough break up. I was with my girlfriend for 3 years, we grew up together as friends and developed an amazing relationship at the age of 16.. now 20 I have felt so lost and damaged. Reading this has helped me so much.. the hurt is there but it’s nice to go back to this when I feel down.

  • Unknown

    I’m also suffering from this road. She left me nd leave me in middle of d road. We had a lot of dreams to full fill. We decided a lot things. Our plannings dreams everything has finished now. I was going to surprise her on valentine day Bt before a day she gave me surprise nd left me.. now I could understand what should I do. I attempted suicide on that day. Now I have only depression nothing else. Nd she move on just like that. We had 7yrs relationship & she broke it in a day.

  • Heather

    Thank you for this article. I’m only 16 but I dated my ex for 4 years. He broke up with me a few weeks ago because he lost interest in me. The loneliness does hurt so much, we always promised to be together forever, he was very mature and we had a very meaningful relationship. It helps to talk about it and hear other people’s experiences even if I do have to cry whilst doing just that.. I hope you have moved on now.

  • PAD

    I hope you came out the other end OK.
    I’m 2days into being single after 5years of seeing talking laughing and yes sometimes complaining to someone nearly every day.
    She needed to get her life back..guess I did too..but it hurts like hell

  • PAD

    Hey hope all better for you..I’m just in my 1st two days so can’t give you any feedback as such..other than like you 2years ago.. it hurts like hell.
    That feeling of ‘don’t belong anywhere’ I identify with very strongly..it’s a bummer being given so many ways to be happy…and then so many ways to be unhappy..
    Good wishes to you wherever you are in life right now..

  • PAD

    Hope you got through OK..

  • PAD

    God that must have been awful!
    Hey GDPILK. .hope you’re in a better place and getting some enjoyment from life 1year on

  • PAD

    One day you will recover from this Brian.
    Whereas your ex has to face herself in the mirror….EVERY DAY!

  • Janeth S

    I’m 4 days in being single after almost 8 years break up really hurts. Lonliness makes me think thats I would give it another chance knowing that what he did is so unacceptable. Stay strong.

  • PAD

    That’s not a good place to be I know..but accepting really bad behaviour hurts our spirit.

    BTW I was capable of dishing that out in return for what I thought was coming from other direction…something I wish I’d handled more maturely and not responded to so fiercly emotional.
    Im now into 5weeks or so of separation…we met to say goodbye with some dignity which Im very glad about..
    .but there’s a giant space in my life…with(surprising) good days and bad days…
    I think TR’s comment above is really worth reading..
    good thoughts going out to you…life itself is best lived in manageable daily slices at a time..through joy OR sorrow.
    God bless

  • PAD

    That was an awful thing to happen to you Melissa Hope your’e getting your life back& feeling at least a bit better by now..

  • Mari

    I am currently in a relationship of a year. I really do love him and always cared for him. I think he does not have the same feelings for me because his actions say more than just words. I have to say that very few days, he was sweet and kept me lingering on him. But I have realized that I’ve had many miserable days than happy days with him. He is always complaining that I look ugly with no make up, and when I put some he says it is too much. The fact that I like to treat myself some sweets drives him crazy and he does not want to date a fat girl. He does not like to hang out to places, because he does not have money (but he has money to buy an xbox). I have to beg him to go out with me, because I am always working and on the weekends I want to do something different than staying at home. He does not want to do anything, because he is stressed. With what? I dont even know, cuz he says it is personal issues. So, I am just here being an idiot and unhappy. I feel that if I cut him off, I will be lonely for the rest of my life. I have lost many friends just because I have been hanging out with him. I want a relationship were at least both are in love with each other and care about each other. Not to just have me as a statue. Probably you might think I am just a spoiled girl, but I haven’t seen anyone with this kind of relationship… an I am really tired. Please any advice for me, I really need some help.

  • PAD

    Try the group ACA. It includes adult who grew up in a dysfunctional family not just those that had alcohol involved.
    I’ve started going here in UK and I can recommend as they get to explore how as basically damaged people we manage to attach ourselves to other damaged people…subconsciously mostly.
    And show a way out from under life-long reactions..
    Best wishes and hope you have made some progress since your last post.

  • Bernie

    Can anyone out there explain why I am feeling this way?

    To take you back – about 6 months ago I decided to ask my husband of 16 years for a divorce. It felt like a natural decision because things had grown so unbearable between us and the feelings of resentment were just too much to handle. Those feelings had been brewing over many years, puncturing what generally was a good, friendly relationship. I wouldn’t say necessarily it was filled with raw attraction, in fact, it was more of an affectionate, close relationship I guess. Toward the end the negatives far out weighed the positives – to try and explain what my husband was like is extremely difficult. To sum his negatives – manipulative, uncompromising, unforgiving and always a victim. You’re obviously hearing my side I know – however he had a difficult upbringing which I think perforated into everyday, adult life. In the whole time we were together he never apologised…just to give you an example! The only time he would remotely utter the word sorry was ‘sorry we argued’. He was hypersensitive to negativity and would often have a go at me when I became frustrated with say, my computer not loading quick enough.

    To cut a very long story short, I met someone else shortly after and am still with this amazing person. However, I feel like I’m grieving for my ex – not because I want to get back with him – I miss his friendship more than anything and the things we had in common. I also feel that, because all of our friends are primarily his friends, I’ve lost them too.

    To cap it all off, I was diagnosed with cancer which I have been treated for – but have been informed there is a high possibility that it will come back. I also have seizures and am unable to drive.

    I must confess that I cheated on him during our time together. Not an affair, just a sexual encounter and flirtatious messages to people. I hate myself for doing it – I still don’t understand m logic for carrying out an act that is so unforgivable. Maybe it was a way of lashing out for not being able to get my point across? I felt I could never ever speak out against him or disagree – his way or the high way I used to say. Regardless, its done now – I suppose, if you’re reading this , I realise Im rambling on – this is my way of writing my thoughts down and attempting to lighten the load. My gran always said time is a healer – I suppose that eventually, if I’m still well, that will be true.

    X

  • Ella

    Your way with words is beautiful, and your message reminds me that I’m not alone. You have a true gift – thank you for sharing it with the world!

  • Catherine

    Thank you very much. I feel blindsided and I needed to know that this is normal.

  • Josh Omega

    I just went through a breakup in January. Was with the same girl for nearly 3 years. Was engaged to her and was sure she was my future wife. In December she admitted to me that she had feelings for my now former friend. Few weeks later she said she only saw him as a friend. Finally get to January we break up. Not even a week later she sends me a text saying that that they kissed. I can’t even begin to explain how that felt. It felt like my heart had been ripped out. It’s July now and I am still not completely over everything and don’t know when I will be. I guess at least I am now at the point I would never take her back.

  • Matthew Williams

    I’m in this place and I’m finding it very difficult. My marriage ended 3 years ago and I have experienced a few rejections since. It’s tough and I feel very alone and disconnected from life. This post sums it up. I’m sitting with it now in a way that I never have and that is hard. I do know that I am learning a lot about myself and working on myself. I want to feel happy and content again.