How to Change Your Bad Habits by Accepting Them

“If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

“So, what do you think?” my husband asked, the dinner table lit by the soft glow of the overhead light. He’d been talking for a while, and I knew I should have been listening.

“What do you think?” he repeated with a hint of frustration.

My mind raced trying to piece together the last few minutes. All I could say was a weak, “Huh?”

It was the worst possible response. Normally, I’d be right there with him, sharing my thoughts. But this time, my attention was elsewhere: I was scrolling mindlessly on my phone.

The frustration in his eyes was a clear reminder of how often I was missing out on the present moment.

I realized that my phone was robbing me of genuine connection. I knew then I needed to change.

The Struggle with Bad Habits Is Real

We’ve all been there battling habits we know aren’t good for us. Mine was the endless scrolling and checking social media.

After that dinner incident, I was determined to reclaim my attention and be present. My first move? Deleting all my social media apps.

The first week was tough. I wasn’t on social media, but my phone still felt like an extension of my hand. I’d instinctively reach for it, ready to open Instagram, only to remember it was gone. This happened every hour. I was trying to change, but the craving was intense.

Weeks later, my motivation went away. “What’s the point?” I thought. I felt like I was missing out and losing touch with friends.

I justified checking my phone during “downtime,” like waiting in line, or after a long day when I needed to “relax.”

The more I told myself, “Don’t use your phone,” the stronger the urge became. It was like telling yourself not to think about sleeping… you just become more aware of being awake.

Inevitably, I reinstalled the apps and fell back into my old patterns. I felt defeated and frustrated. I also labeled myself “lazy.” I thought I had failed.

Discovering A New Approach: Acceptance

One day, while browsing the library, I stumbled upon the psychological concept of an “extinction burst.” This describes the surge of a behavior after you try to stop it.

Think of it like this: you decide to give up sweets, and for a few days, it’s fine. Then, suddenly, you devour an entire box of cookies.

That’s what happened to me. I thought willpower was the answer, but resisting only intensified my cravings.

Instead, I learned about accepting bad habits. This means acknowledging their presence without judgment.

When I shifted my perspective, everything changed. My anxiety decreased, and I stopped stressing about “doing the right thing.”

I realized that falling back into old patterns didn’t make me a failure. It meant I needed more time to understand my habits better.

Practical Steps for Accepting Bad Habits

1. Create space for observation.

Accepting bad habits begins with understanding them. I started observing my phone use with a new level of awareness.

• I used mindfulness techniques to become more aware of the triggers that led me to reach for my phone.
• I also started journaling to track when and why I wanted to scroll. What emotions or situations prompted me to seek the distraction of my phone? What needs was I trying to fulfill? For example, did I feel lonely, bored, or stressed?

2. Change the narrative around your habits.

Instead of a harsh “Don’t use your phone,” I began to use a gentler approach. I tried saying, “Don’t use your phone now.”

This acknowledged the urge without completely denying it. It gave me a moment to pause and breathe, to consciously decide whether checking my phone was necessary.

This simple shift in language created space for mindful decision-making.

3. Reframe ‘bad habits’ as signals.

Instead of labeling habits as ‘bad,’ consider them signals. Ask yourself: What need am I trying to meet? What am I feeling now?

For example, I learned that checking my phone was a signal for a need for connection or a fear of missing out.

Once you understand the message behind your habit, respond with compassion and understanding. Instead of criticizing yourself, acknowledge your needs and explore healthier ways to meet them.

This shift transforms habits from enemies into valuable insights about your inner world.

4. Replace, don’t just eliminate.

Instead of simply deleting social media apps, I looked for healthier alternatives. I started saying, “I noticed I want to use my phone; instead I’m going to read one page of that book.”

Finding substitutes helped me fill the gap and made the transition smoother.

For example, if I felt the urge to scroll when bored, I would reach for a book, walk, or listen to a podcast instead.

5. Treat yourself with kindness.

Beating myself up for slipping back into old habits only made the process more difficult. I learned to practice self-compassion, reminding myself that change takes time and that setbacks are a normal part of being human.

I desired this change the most, so I needed to be patient and kind to myself. And I made more progress by offering myself the same understanding and support I would offer a friend.

Moving Toward a New Relationship with Your Habits

Habits are complex, and breaking them isn’t easy. But understanding them is the first step to changing them.

Accepting bad habits is a powerful tool for transformation. Instead of fighting them, we can observe, understand, and redirect them.

I’ve learned that accepting your habits doesn’t mean giving up—it means you are gaining control. You’re acknowledging your humanity and approaching change with compassion and understanding.

You have the power to reshape your relationship with your habits and create a life that aligns with your values and aspirations.

What habits are you working on? Share your experiences in the comments below! Or share this post with someone who could benefit from it. Let’s support each other on this journey.

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