Forum Replies Created
March 30, 2021 at 12:21 pm #376854
This will be the last question, haha, because I do not want to keep cycling on with the thought. Do you think that this is a form of protecting myself in the relationship? I didn’t have any form of love growing up from my parents until I was about a bit older, and then I started to get close to both of them, and I sometimes felt empty when I was younger, I would worry that I would die or that someone will come in a rob the house or something. I think I have also had anxiety because when I also saw a movie called Splice, I felt like the creature was going to come up to me at night and eat me, so I didn’t even sleep at all. As Anja said, I felt unfortunate when a guy wouldn’t like me at all. Before us getting together, my boyfriend and I had a rocky start where he left me. So when we got back together, I was doing well at first, but then the thoughts will come, “He’s going to leave me, he probably likes another girl, maybe he doesn’t love me, and I’m the only one in love.” We have been together for more than eight months, so I do not understand why I’m thinking about that? I shouldn’t have read stuff about people coming out because that’s making me think that I will be like that in the future; my brain has me thinking that I probably will fall in love with a girl midway into our relationship when that has never happen to me before, lol. Thank you so much for your help! Stay Safe.March 30, 2021 at 10:55 am #376843
I have tried to; I read that some told herself, “Well, if I have lesbian-tendencies, I am at least bisexual since I have always wanted men sexually. So if that’s the case, then I choose to be with my man.” I tried it, it worked well, but then the thoughts came back AGAIN; I noticed it was because I told one of my very close friends about my situation. I mentioned to her that I did not want anyone to know cause she was out with her boyfriend at the time, and when she did not respond, I concluded that she told her boyfriend > he’s going to tell his friend > everyone I know from school will know (we have mutual friends in command). I went back to the cycle again and again and again. I have also gone back to the thought that since I couldn’t correctly c*m at certain times with my boyfriend, maybe I am, but I noticed it was because I watched those videos too much and because I was also anxious about him not liking it. I have been driving my family crazy for the past week. When I help myself against those thoughts, it’s like my brain is telling me that it’s a sign that I probably am gay and like girls and also making me forcefully like them? Like what. When I looked back and noticed that I have never liked them in my life, sure, I use to think that they were pretty and stuff, but as I said, I wanted to BE them, not be with them. Sorry for the trouble, haha!March 30, 2021 at 10:19 am #376840
I do think I had ever thought about suffering from OCD. At the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend, there might have been a sign of it because when he gave me his location, I would always check his location to make sure he wasn’t anywhere else and that what he told me in the text was true, for example, if he were at a family’s friend house, I would check every hour or so to make sure that he was there. I do not know what else to do, I check the HCOD forums, and one of the signs that stood out was when I would look at customers that are girls to see if I felt anything for them when I have never even done that in my life. Before that, I was having a stressful week, I had a biology exam that I needed to do, and I was scared of not passing it cause I did not do so well in the first one. I had family problems too, plus having to make these notes for my dad and him calling me every 2 seconds to make sure that they were done or if I finished them, and I don’t know if my brain just picked that thought to start being anxious again. Apart from that, I began to make scenarios in my head that when I saw my boyfriend again, I wouldn’t feel anything at all; I repeated that a lot in my head, and I felt like crying when I wouldn’t feel anything. I want to be back to normal again, lol.March 30, 2021 at 9:05 am #376828
I do not know if this forum is still active but if it is, I really need some form of help or relief.
Like the starter of this post, I suddenly started to question my sexuality out of nowhere in an 8 month relationship with the most amazing guy ever. We had a rocky start at first but everything came to be after he started to contact me again. We were doing amazing and we still are. In the beginning I started to question myself because since I was about 12, I always watched lesbian porn a lot, and occasionally some straight porn as well but it’s always been lesbian. Even though I did that, I never wanted to be with a woman. For me, woman are for friendship, each other and just being there as a friend. I never viewed them as wanting to get into a relationship with them.
It was a Thursday and I made a very important comment to my boyfriend that I never told anyone in my life, I was watching old musics videos and Katy Perry popped out which a memory came back to me that I questioned mu sexuality before, but it was due to the videos at such a young age and why I got aroused so it made me confused but I knew I liked guys and the thought went away. After I told him that, I forgot about it but then Friday came and I didn’t sleep well at all so I stayed up after my boyfriend left to work and I began to look at instagram. Like Anja, I sometimes like to compare myself to these women and also say that “Wow my boyfriend properly will think she’s hot too.” And when I went and began to look at the pictures, I think it was some sort of relief for me to show myself I didn’t like woman, my breast tingled and so did down there. I would like to also say that I was on the birth control ring and my breast were already getting sensitive but my brain took it as “So you DO probably like girls.” In which then my head began to think that but I pushed it away completely. Then Saturday came and I was feeling weird, I made the connection that it was probably the Ring spiking up my Anxiety. (I always want to say that I have been diagnosed with Anxiety and Minor Depression). When I went into work, that’s when my brain started to torment me saying that “I probably didn’t love my bf anymore” or that “Maybe I do like girls now.” It made me feel so sad and when I came home I think I was having an Anxiety attack and I couldn’t breath. After that day on, my mind will just cycle with the same thing over and over again, going online for relief of signs that I do not like girls, not eating etc. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, I support anyone that is LGBT, but it’s just not for me at all. I just want these thoughts to go away so I can be happy again and a normal person enjoying her relationship because I do not want to lose my boyfriend.
Any Advice please?