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anitaParticipantDear me:
Yes, clearly she wanted to see you.. she had so much fun with you!
I suppose she is getting to know the part of you that’s a bit fearful of getting too close (in-person and long-distance)…
“I’ll try.”- that’s the best you can do..
Although Yoda said: โDo. Or do not. There is no try.โ ๐
๐ค๐ฟ Anita
anitaParticipantDear Q: I will read and reply at the end of the day, take care:
anitaParticipantDear Going Through Life:
Nothing to apologize for, you’ve always been kind and gracious with me, thank you!
I just wish I was able to help in regard to what you are seeking (“Seeking clarity about a relationship”, the title of your thread, different relationship back in Jan 2024, yet still)
Maybe SS is conflicted too. Maybe she is also seeking clarity.
Here’s an exercise that might help at this point, if you agree with me that it might:
In a form of a letter addressed to SS, type away whatever comes to your mind (stream of consciousness writing) in regard to what it is that you are still unclear and conflicted about, tell her exactly what it is. like it is for you (no reason to worry about her response to the letter because she won’t be reading it).
What do you think?
๐ค๐ฟ Anita
anitaParticipantDear me:
Roberta identified a pattern that seems true, a pattern of “just joking” push- pull..
Just Kidding Push Pull (acronym JKPP.. lol).
I understand about the distance, but since the two of you are still communicating, how about practicing something different from JKPP: saying what’s true to you in a direct way.
Just a bit of practice, nothing that’s too much..?
It can help you in ways you don’t know yet.
๐ค๐ฟ Anita
anitaParticipantExcellent quote, Thomas. I want to think about this quote, particularly about the last part, “if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?” and write more about it later. Thank you, Thomas!
๐ค๐ฟ Anita
anitaParticipantWhat I did figure out since I posted last is that, yes, I was a bad person when I said to S: “Why don’t you punch me in the face?”
I provoked her to punch me, to bruise my face, break my nose, and I provoked her to get herself into legal trouble, maybe get herself into jail.
So, yes- when I said what I said, at that moment, I was a bad person.
More tomorrow.
Anita
anitaParticipantThank you for your intelligent thoughts, Thomas. I appreciate you! And I will post more in the morning (Sat night here, almost midnight where you’re at)
๐ด ๐ฅฑ ๐ช Anita
anitaParticipantI hear you, me- being in between wanting something and not seeing it as something that’s possible, wanting her close, yet not seeing it as something that’s possible..?
I just wish you have what you need: something close, something you can trust..?
Anita
anitaParticipantGood to read from you, Nichole!
I think I get you- the need of people, on one hand; the distrust, on the other hand.
The people in the Church group, what’s your distrust of them about..?
Anita
anitaParticipantHi Everyone,
I didn’t know how my inner child (the part of me I dissociated from sometime during my first decade of life.. perhaps at 5) felt until she told me yesterday.
I have been so removed from her, for so long. It feels almost strange, almost wrong to reunite with her, to be one with her again.. after such a long, long time of separation.
About S, I am still recovering.
I used to like her. I thought she used to like me.
Last thing she said to me was 6 days ago, she said: “You are Bad”. These may be the last words I ever hear her say.
I just felt a bit of anger. And then the sentence (from the Japanese Zen story crossed my mind: “Is that so?”
She said so.. My mother said so (in so many, many words)-
Is. That. So?
My Personal Reckoning is about holding myself accountable for my words and behavior today, not about doing the impossible (going back in time, unsaying, undoing what was said and done). It’s about learning the workings within me so that I can better work things next time.
Anger is a loaded emotion and it leads to so much violence, like the emotional violence of 6 days ago, and my invitation of physical violence (Anita to S: “Why don’t you punch me in the face?”).
To be kind. To be mild. This is my goal.
How to achieve that?
To come to peace within me and to operate from that peace of mind and heart.
Am I a bad person?
I get to answer.
Well, am I?
What a scary question.
I will be thinking about it.
Anita
anitaParticipantDear James: your post right above brought the first smile to my day ๐ โจ
Anytime you choose to post your thoughts, ideas.. feelings, your humor, I will be happy to read from you!
anitaParticipantDear me:
Did you tell her by now that you miss her?
It occurred to me this morning as I read your words, “she is a shy girl” that you are a shy guy yourself.. when it comes to saying such things as missing a girl, or such tender, emotional things. Do you think that you are shy in this way?
๐ค๐ฟ Anita
anitaParticipantHi Tom:
Glad you made it back safely and that the presentation was well received! I understand politics can be annoying but.. if it’s something you can’t change.. or it’s not going to be worth it to get into it, better let it go, I suppose.
I hope that you are having a relaxing, comforting time with your partner and ๐ถ.
๐ฟ ๐ค Anita
anitaParticipantDear Q:
“part of me doesnโt want that to happen and holds on tight”- I imagine this part that’s holding on tight is the part that’s trying to calm the “Stressed and anxious” (title of your thread) part..?
Because at times her presence calmed you and you long for those times..?
I think that inside every man there’s a stressed and anxious boy, at least at times, and inside every woman, there’s a stressed and anxious girl.. at least at times.
We people need each other to calm, comfort, validate, help. What does that song say.. “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”. I’d say people who reach out to people and receive good things are the luckiest people in the world.
โจโจโจ Anita
anitaParticipantMove away from anything slavery-like and toward freedom.
Emotional Independence. Q being Q.
Mental/ Emotional Freedom sounds just right, Q.
๐ Anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.