Hi Eric,

Thank you for this post. You made me realize something I often do that causes me sadness in the long run. You’re doing it right now. Two things actually.

1. You are comparing your insides to this woman’s outside. On Facebook no less!
2. You are choosing to compare yourself to those who seem to do better in an area you value, ignoring those who are same as you or worse.

You say this woman is happy with her PhD and passionate. But you don’t know this from firsthand, informed experience. Everybody posts good stuff on Facebook. You don’t know if her advisor was a bully, if she struggles with anxiety, if she may in 5 years suffer a medical problem that is serious. Unless you spend quality time with this person several times, you can’t say for sure that you will want her real life (not her Facebook life). So why compare?

On the second point , I think you know people who are worse off than you or in the same boat. If you don’t, you may need to put aside any hangups and start looking for friends who can understand your struggles. They may be younger or older or have different problems. But they may help you feel less alone.

You’re 36. It’s not too late to find a profession that meets your needs. I recommend reading a book called Working Identity. It talks about the ways people change professions. It’s skewed towards the highly educated set, but there are some useful ideas there.

Take care!