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Worthlessness

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  • March 17, 2014 at 10:26 am #52878
    Eric
    Participant

    Today started off as just another day of unemployment.

    Back in 2012, I left my job to pursue an education. The goal was to achieve a dream of becoming an Astronomer, a goal I realized towards the end of 2013 that was out of my reach. Not because I lacked the intelligence, but because I simply could not push myself to continue.

    Now I spend my days trying to get back into the workforce after realizing that risk I had taken, that path, was not the right one for me. But I do not regret doing what I felt was right at the time. I simply wanted to provide some perspective. I am nearly 36 years old and have spent most of my adult life hopping between various call center jobs, working in them until I get burned out then quitting. I feel as though I have achieved very little.

    Today, on a whim, I looked up someone I knew when I was in high school. She was someone I was very fond of, someone I could have easily had romantic involvement with had I not been so naive. What I found is what prompted me to write this post. She had found success. She had graduated from college with a PhD, in a field she loves. Published and obviously passionate about life.

    As I sit here, listening to the rain, I cannot help but feel like I have squandered my life and ignored opportunities. Instead of going to college when I graduated high school, I worked for my father in a business he sold two years later–after I spent the college money on a truck to help with the work I assumed I was going to take over some day. Seeing the happiness and success of those from my past makes me feel like a failure. People around me have succeeded where I have failed. Friends have gotten married and had children while I am still single. They have found their careers why I still look for jobs considered ‘entry level’. They have a passion for the life they live, I have a passion for a life that always feels beyond my capabilities.

    I feel mired by regret over decisions I have made. I feel worthless. I feel like a failure.

    I feel like I need a new perspective, which is why I am here.

    March 17, 2014 at 10:38 am #52880
    Archie
    Participant

    First of all, calm down. You really need to sort your problems. You need to spend a little time to think what really you are capable of. Be truthful to yourself. Since you have nothing to lose, it would be easier to plan out your life. Invest time in doing things that will raise your confidence. It’s not that you will become the best. But you can surely become better. Share your knowledge with those who are not fortunate enough to feel it. You say people around you are happy. They too must have had their share of problems to get what they have today. The difference is, they had faced them early. It’s never too late to start afresh. Since it’s you who knows your life the best, the start must be discovered by you and no one else can help you do that. Good luck!

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Archie.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Archie.
    March 17, 2014 at 10:53 am #52886
    Eric
    Participant

    Thank you for the response!

    I feel it is important to add that I am in no way in danger of doing anything rash. I have a good spiritual foundation, and would never even consider doing anything to hurt myself. Mainly I am here to see how other people have dealt with feelings of worthlessness, of failure.

    March 17, 2014 at 11:08 am #52888
    Archie
    Participant

    If I ever feel worthless, I try to seek ways and help to get out of that situation. Most of the time, I try to search for the reasons of my failure. Then I go out to seek that thing with a modified plan. By the time I am back on track, I forget everything that tried to pull me back the first time.

    March 17, 2014 at 11:12 am #52889
    BRUNO
    Participant

    There is no need to compare yourself to anything or anyone.the measure of success is not happiness or wealth health and the like.Blessings can be found everywhere.What we all seek is fulfillment.Some find it some are brought to it-No one can tell another what that means for himself or herself.

    Some of the world’s poorest are some of the most fulfilled in Spirit because they desire nothing which seems a complete paradox and does not excuse that those more fortunate are exempt from helping them lead a better quality of life.Look at Mother Teresa- Re-evaluate your expectations, your concept of failure might only be a wrong direction taken.I have a career too- it does not mean that attaining the highest honor is my expectation.I learned a very useful Zen philosophy;We do not need to be concerned about the order of things while we peel the potatoes, all we have to do is peel the potatoes.We are all pilgrims in a sense- It may be a blessing for you not to have attained such a status as you will become aware of things that status can make you blind towards.

    By the analogy, it is meant that we do not concern ourselves with the hows or the whys , by letting them be we become fulfilled in ourselves naturally.

    March 17, 2014 at 12:40 pm #52900
    Jade
    Participant

    Comparison is where self-esteem goes to die. Forget what others have done, forget what you thought the future would look like. At this very moment, you are a being of infinite worth.

    Maybe try doing some volunteer work? I find that not only is it rewarding but it balances how you perceive yourself and your life.

    March 28, 2014 at 5:57 pm #53724
    Aaliyah537
    Participant

    Hi Eric,

    Thank you for this post. You made me realize something I often do that causes me sadness in the long run. You’re doing it right now. Two things actually.

    1. You are comparing your insides to this woman’s outside. On Facebook no less!
    2. You are choosing to compare yourself to those who seem to do better in an area you value, ignoring those who are same as you or worse.

    You say this woman is happy with her PhD and passionate. But you don’t know this from firsthand, informed experience. Everybody posts good stuff on Facebook. You don’t know if her advisor was a bully, if she struggles with anxiety, if she may in 5 years suffer a medical problem that is serious. Unless you spend quality time with this person several times, you can’t say for sure that you will want her real life (not her Facebook life). So why compare?

    On the second point , I think you know people who are worse off than you or in the same boat. If you don’t, you may need to put aside any hangups and start looking for friends who can understand your struggles. They may be younger or older or have different problems. But they may help you feel less alone.

    You’re 36. It’s not too late to find a profession that meets your needs. I recommend reading a book called Working Identity. It talks about the ways people change professions. It’s skewed towards the highly educated set, but there are some useful ideas there.

    Take care!

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