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Agnes

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  • #40680

    Agnes
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    For the last week I am on my own trying to deal with myself. I thought I am strong enough to do it however since last 2 days I cannot find any comfort and this makes me even more helpless. The lost trip and so lost expectations make me weep and create penetreting endless sorrow. My ex, in my mind I call him dream destroyer, is in my thoughts all the time and I am asking him why this dream had to turn so ugly for me. I am happy for him chasing his dream yet at the same time I am devastated that I was not able to do it myself.
    There is not too much anger in me for what has happened, it is the sorrow that really disempowers me and puts on the floor sucked out of energy.
    My sister is back in 1 week, so 7 days more on my own and I am not sure whether I can handle it. I do not want to ask her to come back from her holidays earlier than planned as she and her family deserve a rest. I do not know anybody here and I do not even know the language however I am not even able to handle any conversation with people. so I would be grateful for any thoughts…
    Thanks

    #39886

    Agnes
    Participant

    Thank you for the words. Yes, it is difficult and it makes me helpless. I am trying but everything here triggers the feeling that it is just pointless. I am not able to talk to my sisters, almost to anybody I know. I push them away, I think I am also a bit rude. Since I am back I have not been talking with my parents because all I could say would be how bad I feel and how I really do not know how to help myself. I would like all of them to leave me alone yet when I am on my own I feel urge for somebody to be nearby. I am a person that is shy with people and usually I have very small cicrcle of friends that is why when one leaves or hurt me almost everything shakes in the foundations.
    I know that with time things get better however for the last 7 years instead of feeling of becoming stronger I am under impression that I am figthing with windmills and my reservoirs of strenghts have just gotten empty. And I am looking in the mirror and I cannot believe in all of that.

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