Another difficulty being neurodivergent (especially if you have a c-section, because recovery is long and painful) you are statistically likely to experience intrusive thoughts about harming your child. Which is quite frankly horrible for people to go through. Again, another thing that people don’t talk about.

Hi Miss Dutchess

I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling hurt that you haven’t found your special someone yet. These things honestly take time. ❤️

For me, the trick is honestly to not compare myself to others. If I need to make a comparison, I make it to my past self. It helps me to feel a sense of progression.

Since a lot of relationships and marriages fail these days, especially when children are involved (after you have your first child, half of relationships end). It is more important to be patient and try to select the right person than to get married quickly to the wrong one.

Do you have any thoughts about the difficulties you are experiencing dating?

Honestly, I thought it was important to have a baby before 30 when I was younger too. But I was wrong. At 35 there are more risks to the pregnancy. So you have more time than you think. You don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself immediately.

I would also consider if children are something that you really want. Since you have difficulty with a coworker playing music. Noise may affect you much more than other people. Having children is quite noisy. I have issues with noise sensitivity and it was very intense being screamed at for 4 hours every day for months. I would recommend helping out with a baby if someone you know ever has one. If you haven’t already. So you can understand what the experience will be like.

Realistically, if you’re unhappy now. You are likely to still be unhappy when married and with child. Happiness comes from you. Learn to celebrate your life and enjoy it as it is. Then you will be happy with any future you choose for yourself. ❤️

Hi Everyone

Loving the collaborative discussion! ❤️

These are all of the things I’m working on at the moment when it comes to conflict, but it is also helpful at other times.

Patience
Unrealistic expectations
Assumptions
Anger
Resentment
Triggers

For me, conflict is really complicated. I guess because I was never taught and because of my neurodivergence, I have spent most of my life completely unaware of things that people don’t communicate verbally. It wasn’t until having a child that I really understood how much of an issue it is. I’m trying my best to change that and learn a lot about other people’s experiences.

I’m pretty naive and not very observant. I often go into things expecting them to turn out well because I genuinely want them to and am surprised when they don’t. Unrealistic expectations. I’m trying to learn to be more realistic and understand the inherent difficulties of the natures of things.

You have pretty much said it all with assumptions Yana. 😊 Something that helps me with it is to pay attention to the outcomes of things. Noticing when there are worries and giving people chances to prove the fears wrong.

Another thing that my therapist suggested because I can find myself disproportionately upset sometimes, is to think of the worst case scenario. In the grand scheme of things. A lot of issues are not that serious. It helps not to make an issue out to be bigger than it is.

Anger and resentment. For me, the two go hand in hand. Buddhist and also my therapist taught me that the way through this is to have empathy for others experiences. It is hard to carry resentment when you care about deeply care about someone.

Triggers are a difficult one to navigate for me. I’ll have to get back to you all on that one. ❤️

Hi Anita

I’m curious about what you mean about your honesty and vulnerability being used against you too. That definitely contributed to the misunderstanding. ❤️

Personally, I have only let moderators know when conflicts occur, so that they are aware of them. I have never tried to use anything against you. ❤️

Hi Everyone

I’m also trying my best to deal with unrealistic expectations and assumptions when it comes to conflict. It is a work in progress…

It is hard when you are afraid of conflict sometimes.

Sorry again Anita! ❤️

It is okay to be hurt and angry. I am right now. It will pass. ❤️