Hi Everyone

I think I have a different perspective because I’ve rarely been told to get over something. It just isn’t a trigger for me.

When I am told it, it doesn’t have a lasting impact.

One instance that comes to mind when I think about it… People have bizarrely strong opinions about childbirth. Knowing that I had been assaulted, there were a couple of people who thought I should get on with a normal delivery and deal with a doctor shoving their hands up my chuff for ages (pardon my French). I chose a c-section because I didn’t want to deal with the PTSD during labour or after birth. So much about being pregnant or raising children is subject to other people’s opinions.

I feel like it’s important to take ownership of our own choices and use our own judgement.

I’m deeply sorry to hear that your Mother blamed you for her suicidal ideation Anita. That is horrifically traumatic for a child to experience. <3

I feel like criticism can often be rooted in other people feeling hurt. When I think about other people being hurt and connect to that, it hurts less. I believe that being there for each other, holding space for each other’s pain is important.

I feel content with having few, but meaningful connections. I can understand the need to connect with others though. I enjoy having meaningful conversations. 🙂

I couldn’t have put the misunderstandings of letting go any better myself, Peter! <3

Hi Heather

No worries 😊

You clearly care about your loved ones a lot. I think it can be natural to worry about people or things you care about. ❤️

Sometimes it helps me to reframe anxiety by seeing the positive place it can come from. An expression of love.

What do you think?

Hi Michelle

Wow that was such a beautiful poem. It moved me to tears. 😭 Thank you for sharing such a wonderful tribute. 🙏

Congratulations on your engagement!

Your love for your dog is so evident and the bond between you so special. ❤️

I am in a similar situation to you. My 10 year old dog has a non-operable tumour. His sister passed suddenly last year with an inoperable tumour too. It is never easy losing pets, they truly are part of the family. What helped me was thinking about what they would want.

The situation with my boy started when we were on holiday. It was very traumatic for all of us. It was hard being away from him and not being able to immediately go to him. Fortunately, it happened near the end of the trip. Still having to wait for a couple of days was hard.

The tumour had caused his bowels to die. They cut out the part of the bowels affected which stabilised him, but had to leave the tumour. Fortunately, he is with us for a little longer. He is getting to the point where his pain is increasing. We tried some arthritis medication but it didn’t work well enough. Now he is moving onto gabapentin which my Mum’s dog had at the end of his life when he struggled with pain and cancer.

I don’t want to travel until he passes incase something similar happens and he passes without me.

I don’t want him to suffer. I think it will be obvious to me when he is ready to go.

Hi Anita

I’m glad that you were able to reconnect with that love you felt for your Mother. It is beautiful the way you are creating trust in your life and honouring your own needs. ❤️

I don’t think I ever loved my Mother. I had the instinctual bond, but I wouldn’t call it love. I needed a caregiver to meet my needs. When I was younger I knew something was wrong because I was unhappy, but I didn’t understand why. It was something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I didn’t understand what was happening to me and it was all I knew. It was just how life was. As I got older I started to understand and I was horrified. This is when the hatred formed.

I don’t really think about my mother much. I don’t hate her like I used to. But the pain echoes in me. I feel indifferent about her. I prayed for her to heal and for protection on her journey. That is as far as these things go for me.

It is complicated. There are many parts of me. I don’t tend to focus on the younger ones. I don’t take my emotions too seriously. I lean towards goals.

I feel like being true to myself and my needs are complicated too. For one, I have multiple perspectives and I have to choose one path to act on. Not every part of me is aligned. I feel a need for self-control because left to my emotions I don’t make good choices for myself. If I avoided everything I wanted to. I’d be back at square one. There are parts of me that are harsh on myself. I’m discovering that sometimes my mind hides the truth behind negative thoughts.

Hi Suzanne

How are you doing?

That makes sense it would hurt that she is much younger than you. Perhaps you are questioning your attractiveness? Your body has given you your wonderful daughter, please don’t judge it harshly. I hope that she spoiled you on Mother’s Day? ❤️

I’m glad that you have your support network gathering around you and that you’re seeking legal advise. You deserve this love, support and protection in these difficult circumstances.

I quite enjoy people who wear their hearts on their sleeves. 😊 I feel like people who don’t are just uncomfortable with emotions. Please don’t blame or judge yourself.

Hi Anita

I think this is a really complicated and nuanced subject to talk about. I do agree with you about the difficulties with severe trauma.

I think that with anything, these things should be taken with a pinch of salt. The only freedom from suffering is to become a Buddha.

Everyone is different and has different experiences. Some people do have experiences of letting go in different ways. I don’t mean this in a bad way, so please bear with me. I truly believe that people don’t mean this in a bad way. They are just communicating what has helped them. I do understand that it can be hurtful and frustrating because it is not as easy as it sounds to do. Much easier to say the words than go through the difficult process of doing it. A journey which it seems to me you are on by the way.

I’m going to share some of my own experiences to show what these have looked like for me.
After many years of therapy and specifically prolongued exposure therapy I felt absolutely drained. Intense therapy isn’t easy for me and I was non-functioning going through it. It did stop the flashbacks spontaneously occurring. I just needed to take a break after it and not focus so much on the past to function better in my day to day.

At my worst I would have emotional meltdowns. Crying spells for hours. And the thoughts would cycle. With a chronic pain condition that worsens with stress I was in agony. I had been practicing meditation during the times where I was more relaxed and I managed to quiet my thoughts in meditation. I thought, if I can do it in meditation. Perhaps I can do it outside of meditation. I was in a ton of pain and in the middle of a melt down. I literally thought to myself I can’t do this anymore. It is destroying me. STOP! And it did. It took practice to be able to do this consistently. It is very hard to let go of painful emotions.

Emotional meltdowns served a purpose for me. A child uses them to communicate and get attention. I figured out that simply asking for a hug is a better way to get comfort than crying.

In the past, my identity revolved around my conditions physical and mental. It was scary to realise that I had no identity outside of that. Who would I be without it? What if I tried and failed? There is nowhere to hide then. In time, I came to learn that there are many other parts of me and that fear was limiting my autonomy.

Letting go – the book. Allowing emotions to be without keeping the cycle going or repressing them. Letting them move freely and without attachment would be more accurate. This involves facing emotional blocks to letting go.

I will add that a baby when faced with what is distressing it will continue to cry even when comforted. Removing the baby from the stimulus and distracting the baby, due to their short attention span is far more effective.

Conflict for me has a specific role. Hearing the pain that other people express. Being respectful and gentle in communication, no matter what and expressing support even when I’m hurt.

I hope that it helps to see that letting go has many meanings and understanding that it is not a simple or easy process.

I’m sorry that people saying these things has hurt you. I hope that you don’t judge yourself about your own experiences. ❤️

I feel like many times people are uncomfortable with vulnerability, especially when it comes to perceiving the person as suffering. People don’t know what to say and don’t phrase these things very well. Ultimately, they just wish the person wasn’t suffering. Not such a bad wish really.

Hi Anita

Thank you! I like you too. 😊 I appreciate the sentiment. I just approach things from a different perspective. I’m not an island. I see other people’s needs as equal to my own. That doesn’t mean anything bad about your perspective though. Each has its merits, but it is importance to focus on what helps you.

After reflecting on fear of rejection, I came to the conclusion that it exists because I reject myself.

I think you’re doing a really good job of being your own biggest supporter. ❤️ You’re doing some great work on validating your needs. It’s pretty amazing to see. I need to do some more work on that myself.

I’ve been thinking more about this bond you mentioned. Needing your mother as a child. Something struck me as important about it. I wondered what happens to this bond as we grow older. What effect does trauma have on it? How do we heal from it?

Feel free to let me know if there’s anything I can do differently when communicating with you. I don’t want to take away from your experience. ❤️

It is lovely to see you explore and celebrate your autonomy!

Hi Bella

Congratulations on moving into your first home! You clearly have a lot of compassion for your relatives. I think that is a beautiful thing. ❤️

It might be for the best that this happened now, before you are moved in with your mom. I expect that your mom would allow your aunt to visit frequently. It could be quite stressful for you. While you are living in your own place, you get to decide what stress you allow into your home. Something to think about.

It isn’t your fault that your aunt is behaving in this way.

It sounds like your family is rather close. Has your aunt given her opinion which she seems to be upset that she wasn’t asked for yet?